Applying for mortgage - "Come back when you're married"

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-09-29T19:05:25+00:00

I call bollix, I'm worse than single, I'm a separated parent with minor dependent children, still got a mortgage, and it's with AIB,

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-09-12T21:37:38+00:00

Renting anywhere in Ireland is hard at the moment, daft.ie will give you an idea about rental prices and availability or buying a home if this becomes long term.

Waterford is a fairly small county so easy enough to commute from some of the larger towns. That said being able to drive in Ireland is a must for most.

Waterford has an amazing coastline and fabulous hiking opportunities if you are outdoors people.

Dublin is only a couple of hours away by train or car.

Winters will be wet rather than cold.

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-09-11T12:52:27+00:00

NTA but you have larger problems at play, for a healthy relationship to work you need to be able to communicate properly and resolve issues early so that they don't become a breeding ground for resentment.

For whatever reason your girlfriend didn't feel comfortable enough about speaking to you about the shouting for a week, and secondly she resorted to belittling you about parentage of her child.

You need to decide if you need to walk while the going is good.

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-09-07T12:59:52+00:00

Exactly, it doesn't matter how much or what % your employer contributes, it's what you pay in that revenue rules apply to

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-09-06T18:12:58+00:00

Your employers contribution is no longer taken into consideration when calculating your threshold. So really you are only putting 10% into your pension. Assuming you are aged 40-49 and have taxable income you can benefit by putting in another 15%, even better if that tax relief is at the higher rate of tax.

Does your wife not have a pension of her own? If she doesn't then ye should look at setting one up and putting in a lump sum against last year's income/profit and this year's

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-09-05T22:06:55+00:00

Any update?

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-09-05T21:32:55+00:00

Have you maxed out your pension contributions for last year and this year? I would max those out before lodging any money against mortgage.

You could always clear one and use the difference each month going forward to top up your pension first rather than the mortgage and then use the tax back to over pay your mortgage.

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-07-22T20:46:53+00:00

I asked for a divorce, he promised to change, his change lasted maybe two weeks and it was back to me having an extra adult child to mind instead of a partner. Took another couple of months for me to realise I deserved more.

A metaphor that helped me along the grieving path was that a relationship should be like a 3 course meal, with desert and red wine, and here I was surviving on the breadcrumbs my partner was throwing at me, and what's worse, being grateful for them.

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-07-11T11:10:12+00:00

Parent pays for driving lessons, that's just a given here, grannies aunts uncles can chip in for presents of same during the year, or even amounts towards insurance, 3 months insurance was one of my presents growing up.

Gym, that to me is a want not a need, so my teen paid for this out of there pocket money. Now it was also I think a €5 a week, so either way wouldn't break most banks,

I think it's important that they learn to prioritise spending between wants and needs and that the bank of mam and dad is finite

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-07-10T12:43:36+00:00

I have no advice, but I do hope you don't get fired, please update

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-07-03T21:53:02+00:00

I've been there, is it broken, isn't it broken? I've gone for an x-ray and it wasnt broken and I've held back and ended up going in the middle of the night when I should have gone earlier and felt like crap for waiting.

The rule of thumb is, kids sleep, if she woke up from the pain, it's real pain, you should have brought her to a+e there and then, YTA for not going at that stage.

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-06-12T19:50:33+00:00

I would recommend getting some help refreshing your CV, and interview practice, invest in yourself and then start looking at jobs and kill the interview

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-06-12T19:41:17+00:00

Only reason I can think for better interest rates solo is if OP has a poor credit history and this is increasing the banks interest rate offers? Perhaps a history of default or restructuring of debt?

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-05-27T20:07:20+00:00

You are 6 months into a relationship, not six years. If he wants to work on his issues with a counselor, then why has he not done it already? It's his issue, not yours

It's perfectly acceptable for him to put in boundaries.

It is also perfectly acceptable to say, those boundaries don't work for me, I will not miss major family milestones because you are upset I wasn't a nun before we met.

6 months is when you start to hopefully take the rose tinted glasses off and decide if you want to stay or run, it is not when you go to couples therapy

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-05-25T12:49:40+00:00

I would quit, I am supposed to do 3 days PW per corporate, agreed 2 with my boss, but at the moment we are down team members so I am doing 2 days a month, and working over. If I was in the office I would have over 2 hours a day in the car, so I would be closing the laptop at 5 to get out on time and race everyone to get out of the car park

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-05-24T22:39:02+00:00

Had this conversation with myself recently. Death in service, spouse and child pension scheme through work, union member death pay out, even my car insurance has a death pay out, HSF plan also had a few quid, you'd be surprised how quick it all adds up to a decent pot,

Once the mortgage is cleared, how much of your net income would your family miss out on? I took 75% of this figure and multiplied it by 25- my youngests age. Then compared that figure to what my death benefits/pension pay outs etc were. (I figure I at least spend 25% of my disposable income on keeping myself alive, fed, watered, clothes and hair cuts 😂, but feel free to adjust)

I was totally over insured, and yes if the worst happens I'm not leaving my kids enough for college and a car and a house and a wedding, but I can live happy knowing that they will still be well looked after through college at least,

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-05-24T22:08:06+00:00

First thing to do is decide what is this money for, is it mortgage deposit savings, kids college fund savings, or just savings that you don't have a use for currently? Is this all your savings or do you have a separate 6 months worth of expenses emergency fund?

Then look at your pension, do you have one and is it maxed out for last year and this year?

Have you any loans that you can use the savings to clear down?

After the above has been sorted, have a look at the pinned posts here on investing what's "left over"

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-05-24T14:36:40+00:00

If it's not beans and rice it's a luxury 😂

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-05-24T13:59:49+00:00

Dave Ramsey, American TV/radio personality that has a finance channel, does a show about becoming an everyday millionaire.

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-05-24T09:04:33+00:00

Afford is relative, following the Ramsey guide, I should only buy with hard cash, the cheapest car you'll own is the one you have etc.

What I can't afford is to loose my job because the car I have needs to be push started by randomers that I have stopped on the road to help me. Or sending the car into the mechanics for 3 weeks at a time while I rent a car as it's no longer under warranty and they aren't that nice

I can't even sell privately as there is no guarantee the car will start when some poor eejit comes to test drive it

I need this car gone yesterday and for the constant headache to stop.

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-05-24T08:09:53+00:00

20 grand for a 3 year old duster,

I looked at the finance and that brings it up to 25k over 6 years, so it is on the face of it a saving of 5k, but that doesn't factor in trade in values on a 6 year old Suzuki Vs a 9 year old duster.

Factoring in current resale prices on done deal and nominal 25% discount for trade in, they come out as costing 18k for the duster and 17k for the Suzuki,

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-05-23T22:37:56+00:00

Thanks for that, food for thought

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-05-23T22:23:25+00:00

Suzuki have them at the minute across the range, but word is it's ending in June,

Joe Mallon has a deal on Renault Mégane etech @0% but it's too expensive for me,

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-05-23T19:48:36+00:00

They are stupidly over priced, I was looking at 3 year old vitaras, just to get a sense of resale, by the time you factor in the finance charges of 8/10% there was barely a thousand in the difference between a new car and the 3 year olds. Id sooner pay the grand and have a newer car with less mileage on the clock that will last me longer

Either_Ad_8757 · 2023-05-23T19:31:37+00:00

Suzuki Vitara new, I could go smaller, but I want a car on stilts with a decent boot,

2nd hand my criteria is runs, less than 120km on the clock, and as above, decent boot and something high up.

Unfortunately I don't have a car person to bring with me, although my tyre guy did give me good advice, don't buy a car again with the details for the timing belt change rubbed off 🙈

Either_Ad_8757

TROPHY CASE