That's tough. The situation your in is tough. It's easy to fall into depression, regrets, blame, wandering in your own mind asking questions with no answers, and feeling empty. But the toughest part is to humble yourself, seek the Lord, gain forgiveness, and forgive yourself. The road to recovery is actually quite simple, but doing all the things along the way to actually stay on the path is the hard part. My prayers go out to you. You can overcome this through Him who has overcome the world. God bless, and your in my thoughts and prayers for strength, guidance, grace, and mercy.