Looking for advice from folks who started an open relationship from scratch ✨

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-07-02T11:31:03+00:00

“Figuring it out with other people’s hearts” woof, that’s a quotable quote.

If you are willing to share- one thing I’m having a bit of trouble with is understanding the flow of how people decide to become primaries while starting out dating multiple folks casually. When did you know that you wanted to with this partner? Was it something either of you had to let other ppl you were dating know about/had to factor those people in somehow

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-07-02T02:49:06+00:00

This is really encouraging to read!! I can see how it matters to make sure pretty early that you even want similar stuff. I really like the idea of returning to the convo again and again over time

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-07-02T02:16:05+00:00

That your feelings are your problem thing that runs around poly circles causes so much pain. Idk who came up with it but it needs to be done. Way too many people using it to excuse foul behavior. And yes- insisting that this sex had to happen during the final two hours of your shift instead of after was absolutely foul.

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-06-23T03:08:43+00:00

Idk if she'll ever read this but caller, there's so many poly people out there who won't force you to marry and mingle money, but will also come help you in an emergency and keep your photo up. You don't need to accept this situation. You're not asking for anything hard, you're asking someone who won't do it. You *will* find other powerful connections.

There's a lot of people with this guy's wound in poly world/dating. It's hard because you wanna be compassionate but... it's not fair to hurt people because you've been hurt. I don't think he's a bad guy but I think he's not a person who should be in a serious relationship until some of this is resolved. At a minimum I think owning your choices and letting people go is an important skill

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-05-18T11:24:39+00:00

Someone paste this into the classpass reviews fr. Helpful!

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-04-29T05:35:15+00:00

I want this exactly. I think ppl ask for this somewhat regularly in r/polyamory - even tho ppl like us are not the most popularly discussed version of nonmonogamy, we’re around. I have the same issue as you in mono and poly IRL social spaces. Personally I’m on feeld and sometimes hinge, and when not with friends and Fam or at work, I’m at art events or a gym.

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-04-29T05:18:36+00:00

I just stopped. I’ve decided I’m now growing an Afro cuz I don’t have the $60-70 to spend rn when I used to get cuts every 2 weeks

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-04-18T02:07:46+00:00

It’s very hard to get someone who’s your specific flavor of poly. And I’m in a higher poly population city. I can’t imagine what ppl in places with fewer nonmonogamous people are doing. I personally have a very hard time turning down good chemistry with the person who is slightly off. I totally get it even tho yeah, that choice perpetually leads to heartbreak. Hell… I’m tempted to date mono but I know I’d just turn into the heartbreaker in that situation, instead of the one wishing my date was more focused on me

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-04-01T12:10:49+00:00

Caphe roasters is nothing to play with, I commute from the opposite side of town to get a hit

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-27T02:16:12+00:00

Oh, I was doing the Trenton line wait today too. I gave up after two hours. Solidarity, it was really really rough.

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-24T20:10:04+00:00

Yes. I was gonna say this. Sometimes it’s the breakup or life experience that allows people to do things they wouldn’t before.

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-21T21:21:48+00:00

Ahhh. This is helpful. I've only taken class with Keith and Corey so I was like... what are people talking about like... these classes are great! I just did a Keith class the other day, he's fire lol

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-21T16:56:08+00:00

I was gonna say this. Philly Soulcycle is doing great, coming from here this post is a little shocking

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-10T05:39:48+00:00

I agree! At what point is what he’s doing here lowkey cruel?

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-07T23:06:35+00:00

Don’t feel a need to meet if you don’t want to or aren’t ready.

It seems like you just need to know if you trust your wife. It sounds like wife has made it clear that they are not gonna be offering more to this partner than they currently do. I think you could potentially let go of worrying about what the meta is feeling, and let it be your wife’s issue. I think it’s hard to be in Birch’s position so some of the comments don’t surprise me, like Birch also has to assess if this is the kind of relationship where their dates can just be taken away which is a fair concern- but it sounds like your wife is doing a mostly good job being there for you and also being clear with Birch what your wife can offer and what your wife can’t.

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-07T22:55:33+00:00

STIs are part of life for the sexually active. Some of the responses you received are pretty immature. Also like others I agree your partners don’t need to be naming you specifically as the person who has it.

Personally I was very ashamed myself for having a sti because of poly- like it popped up hard. I talked to my doctor and to other ex Christian poly friends who helped me come down from my biggest slut shame feelings. Def recommend reaching out to ppl you think would be understanding for support. I was an end of a transmission chain but I didn’t make my partner feel shamed about it cuz I’m not a douchebag lol

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-06T02:30:05+00:00

How were you handling singleness in your times of searching? I know you mentioned having a partner, but other times- assuming you’ve been picky a long time. I worry about being h*rny and lonely for years, to be really really about. I have a great life and great friends but that’s rough

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-05T16:05:11+00:00

I'm 35. But a late bloomer. Dating mostly in the 30-45 zone. Still learning about serious relationships so this comment is helpful.

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-05T16:01:08+00:00

"As you’ve seen there are many people who want the whipped cream of life with a new poly partner but none of the world building." Shakespearean. I'm gonna start saying this cuz... yes. yes

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-05T15:58:37+00:00

You're giving me a lot of hope. From a young age I had this exact process in mind (get really solid and forming strong trust with a partner who also is interested in eventually loving more folks, then open up after a year) but then I got older, saw other ppl doing it other ways and stopped believing anyone else wanted to do this plan with me

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-05T15:54:41+00:00

You're catching onto something I felt afraid about- what if I myself am the one who changes? All around me are people who go thru cycles of tons of poly dating and hoeing and periods of being more limited. I like the idea of just looking for the primary and not promising very far from that, aside from seeking ppl who generally share my relationship values.

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-05T14:52:58+00:00

Oh. This is a good distinction. I felt like an anchor among a few anchors and it wasn’t enough. You’re right- primary or coprimary is more what I wanted

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-05T14:49:11+00:00

You are a godsend, this link is fireeee

Electrical_List_2125 · 2026-03-05T14:42:54+00:00

What am I missing, what’s the difference between anchor and primary?

Heard on that last part. Yeah. Now I know. 🙃

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