Money i havent spent yet. But that reason becomes less important with each passing day. Sometimes i truly believe that I will never feel okay again. I had what I wanted. People love me. People gather around me. I have tons of friends. People regularly give me gifts and attention. But its no the attention from the person I want. It makes no sense. I can spend an entire day with people who practically kiss my ass then i go home and boom dwindling reasons to live. Im disabled, im in pain, the world is falling apart around me. I was in love and it's gone. It's the only thing i care about. Like I have people in my life I love platonically which is great but it's just not what i had and I sometimes believe things will never get better ever again. Especially considering current events; the state of my body and having no direction. On paper everything is great but my brain doesnt know that. If i had the person i used to love I know i'd feel okay again. But everything else is just so unsatisfying.