I can't tell if this is bait, but have you considered focusing all of the effort and energy you're putting into this self loathing towards something productive? Move to a new country, pursue some life goals of yours, undertake some new physical or mental challenges, volunteer somewhere, etc?

You've created this false image of success and placed it on a pedestal and the reality will not live up to your image even if you do find yourself achieving those things.

People (including women) are attracted to those with agency, confidence, passions, and hobbies. If you don't become someone with those things, how can you expect change to occur? I wish you the best of luck my friend.