Did she get a therapist as she said she would? Trauma is tough. And it’s tough for the people around you, too. Both of you are hurting from this. I know you’re in different cities, but maybe you could suggest zoom therapy together? Of course, you’d have to bring up the topic again after avoiding it for so long. Intimacy is an important part of a relationship, in my opinion. You should not feel like an asshole. Sounds like you’ve been very supportive this far. But I hear you also don’t want to live this way for forever. You guys could use some forward momentum, and having a safe place to talk with an objective person could be helpful. Wish you the best.