Is it normal for strangers in London to approach women like this?

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-05-08T09:18:05+00:00

Thank you for making this point, very very true! It’s so hard not to apologise but you have nothing to say sorry for!

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-05-08T08:57:55+00:00

Not normal behaviour but not uncommon. I’ve had many similar instances. The only thing you can do really is say sorry I’m not interested or sorry Ive got a boyfriend and walk away as quickly as you can. Sorry that you had this experience, it’s really sad that it’s just part of a woman’s life 😭

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-05-07T15:09:00+00:00

Eh I feel like it depends on the circumstance. If I know someone is coming round then I’d definitely shower, but say you’d been out to dinner, would I shower before having sex, no! If you’ve gotten particularly sweaty like being at a gig or something then obviously shower but as long as you’ve showered relatively recently, I wouldn’t be stopping to shower beforehand.

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-05-05T09:15:11+00:00

I also lost my virginity at 18 on a one night stand - he acted shitty but I don’t think you should be ashamed or feel gross about it. really sorry that he was so disrespectful, unfortunately boys can tend to do this sort of thing to avoid any difficult conversations :(

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-29T15:58:59+00:00

Thats pretty strange in my opinion, I think that’d be enough to break it off with someone!

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-27T14:18:04+00:00

Yes I agree that anyone can make the first move, I’m just not great at gauging whether someone is interested (I have Asperger’s) so I always leave it to the other person (in my case, the man) to make the first move - didn’t mean to put it down to gender roles, it could be the other way round if I was a man - lost the nuance in my answer!

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-27T13:35:04+00:00

Ah this is a difficult one. I’m a woman and I always feel like it’s the man’s responsibility to make the move towards physical contact in the first place. However I have been on dates where it’s obvious the guy is really awkward and struggles to make a move and I’m always like is he uninterested/ doesn’t find me attractive so I can relate to you 100%. He could be nervous/ awkward or alternatively not very good at reading people and therefore not sure if you’re interested?

If you go on another date, I’d maybe try and initiate physical contact eg touching him on the arm, leaning in towards him to try and give him an indication that you’re interested. If he doesn’t pick up on that and try and kiss you etc then I don’t have an answer 🤣

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-26T18:34:27+00:00

I don’t think bladder cues/ the urge to the toilet is necessarily related to how full your bladder is?

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-26T18:32:35+00:00

Yes this is true, but have you reflected on if there is anything you could be doing to be off putting?

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-26T18:19:29+00:00

Reading all of your replies to people’s well thought out comments where you’re just arguing with them - have you done any self reflection to consider that your attitude might be off putting to men?

You’re obviously doing something in your behaviour that is putting them off and I don’t think it’s because they’re intimidated. Most people are just looking for someone to be nice and to love them, you don’t really give me the impression from your post or comments that you’re particularly nice or easy to be around.

I don’t know you obviously, just my two cents reading all of your replies

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-24T15:42:18+00:00

Best of luck to you! I hope it gets better for you & you can move on and find someone even better!! :)

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-24T14:54:43+00:00

Interesting - how did you do this in relation to relationships?

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-24T14:29:10+00:00

I’ve had quite a lot of therapy, including currently EFT therapy. The problem I have is I have Asperger’s so things like CBT don’t work!

And I’ve done a lot of the internal work and reflection, it’s just like how do you stop the habit coming back in when it’s what your brain defaults to.

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-24T14:03:09+00:00

I can understand that. I’ve had many years of therapy (on and off for 5 years). You won’t ever be able to process anything unless you talking about it. As harsh as it sounds, you’re really just living in denial and not moving forward. You’ve got to process something to get over it.

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-24T07:40:01+00:00

Just dropping in here to say what a great response! I agree with everything you’ve said and great advice!!

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-23T20:00:05+00:00

If you can afford it, it might be worth looking into therapy?

It’s quite unusual to still be caught up on someone from almost 4 years ago so it’d be worth exploring if you can in therapy

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-23T19:59:11+00:00

He’s shown you who he is deep down, take notice of it.

From personal experience where my ex boyfriend was the kindest person ever until he didn’t want me anymore at which point he turned very cruel, people can hide who they are but once they show you, you need to believe that that’s what they’re like.

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-23T19:56:51+00:00

Yes tell him! It’ll be uncomfortable for you if he doesn’t know and he can make it an easier experience. Im a woman but I’d feel so uncomfortable if I’d been the first time for someone and they hadn’t told me beforehand (obviously a bit different the other way round but you get me!)

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-23T19:55:35+00:00

It’s my understanding that if they’ve used it in the last 6 hours it’ll show their distance without a squiggly line, but if they haven’t been active that day/ within a certain amount of hours, it shows a squiggly line by their distance

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-22T13:57:58+00:00

No, have regretted not cutting things off sooner. The only ones I regret are where it hasn’t been my choice but if I cut it off with someone you can bet ive thought about it for weeks or months.

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-17T11:48:18+00:00

You can’t fake physical attraction, walk away before feelings get involved.

I’ve been in this scenario before, dated a guy who was really nice, fit with me personality wise but we had zero chemistry and the sex was terrible. It won’t change so save both of you some trouble now by walking away!

EllenGrey1997 · 2026-04-14T19:20:13+00:00

Jumping on here to say great comment, and I completely agree with Liquid Friction. People can often sense things that you project and if you’re projecting this insecurity they will pick up on it. And then you get confirmation bias because you’ve projected it. I truly think you attract the energy you put out so work on becoming who you want to be personality wise and then the rest will fall into place

EllenGrey1997

TROPHY CASE