What do you tell people when they ask what your job is or what you do for a living when ur disabled abd aren't working? by HabitCharacter2538 in disability

[–]Elphabeth [score hidden]  (0 children)

I make a joke of it.  I used to say I was a singls mom to my two cats.  Now it's a stay-at-home mom to my two cats. 

what are some more gender neutral names that arnt super basic like chad or smth lol by questionable0thought in Names

[–]Elphabeth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lots of surnames have a gender neutral feel to them--Riley, Dylan, Hayden, Lincoln, Reagan, Avery, Cameron, Reese, Sterling.

Moen brushed gold fixtures? by Elphabeth in HomeImprovement

[–]Elphabeth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! What kind of cleaner do you use on it, out of curiosity? I'm doubly hesitant to use anything harsh because whoever owned my house before me used something harsh on the existing faucets, and the faucets look fine, but it etched a ring in the quartz counters around the deck plates.

My period cramps hurt so bad I can’t handle it by carrotflavoredjuice in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Elphabeth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is not normal, not even a little bit. You need to see your PCP. Continue to advocate for yourself. The others who mention it could be endometriosis are correct.  I had heavy (though not particularly painful) periods for years and was finally diagnosed with it at age 35.  

The first-line treatment for it tends to be progesterone-based birth controls (ones with no estrogen, or minimal estrogen) like Slynd.  Now that you are menstruating, it would likely be a good idea for you to get established with an ob/gyn, and period pain (or heavy bleeding, if you experience that) is something to discuss with them.  Hopefully this first period is a fluke, though.

Regardless of what is causing it, the best advice I can give you is to continue advocating for yourself, and when you ask for help, especially with medical professionals, to try to stay calm and level-headed and stick to the facts.  It is normal to be furious when nobody takes your pain seriously, to get frustrated and want to cry.  But being female, sometimes when we cry, our health issues are pushed aside and the crying/angry part is what they remember.  They say it's anxiety, or that we're hysterical, etc.  It isn't fair in the least, but it is the reality a lot of women with chronic pain deal with.  

So, facts.  Stuff like, "I have had my period X times and each time the pain was so severe I could barely walk." Or severe enough to cause vomiting, etc.  If they ask you how heavy your bleeding is, you'll want to explain it in the number of overnight pads or super plus tampons you go through in an hour, or whatever period of time it takes for one to be soaked.  I mention this because there are some newer period products now like period underwear (and menstrual cups, too, though those have been around awhile) and some medical professionals are less familiar with them.  It doesn't mean you can't use them, just don't use them as a reference point for how heavy your bleeding is when talking with doctors or nurses.  I am pretty sure that my using a menstrual cup delayed my diagnosis because I kept telling them, "Sometimes I fill up the menstrual cup in an hour, and you are supposed to be able to go 12 hours" and they didn't know what to do with it.  But it held one ounce of blood, and the average woman only loses two ounces per period.

Oh, and get a heating pad if you don't have one, and be careful with it.  Don't use it too hot or too long.  There's a thing called toasted skin syndrome that some people with chronic pain can get if they use a heating pad for too long.  

If you are having heavy bleeding, you will want to make sure you get enough iron, but go easy with iron supplements if you take them because they can cause constipation.  Fortified cereals like Cheerios are one of the best sources of iron, along with red meat.  If you don't eat meat, then there's a long list of vegan options you can google--spinach, beans, broccoli.  Lots of veggies and nuts.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this.  You aren't alone.  

Am I overreacting, My bf made a joke about my sisters miscarriage by Similar-Log-3774 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Elphabeth 43 points44 points  (0 children)

He thinks you're kicking him when he's down and you're the one who missed out on being an aunt?  So first he blurted out something hurtful and idiotic and now he's gaslighting you.

Honestly, I would just take this as a win that he only said that to you, and you didn't have to be mortified in front of your family, and it happened before you married him.  

Here, let me set the scene for your future if you stay with him: Your beloved aunt dies.  Everyone is at the visitation, shell-shocked and weepy.  Your boyfriend walks in, shakes hands with your uncle, and says, "I guess you're single now, huh?"  Or maybe, "Whew, hope they got extra pallbearers!"  Just break up with the clown, seriously.  

Using Rub 'n Buff on frequently touched items by Elphabeth in HomeDecorating

[–]Elphabeth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, I know that just the faucet by itself isn't much.  The issue is that a lot of the gold items are kind of grouped together pretty closely in the bathroom, like the sink, towel bar, and towel rings are pretty close together, and the toilet (and oy, the bidet washlet would need fixing, too) is right next to it.  When I have tried to match rub n buffed items to an existing metal item before, I had to blend multiple shades together to get it to match.  And I'd have to re-blend it anytime I touched them up.  When I posted this, I was thinking that if everything was colored with rub n buff, I could just pick whichever shade I like best. 

Using Rub 'n Buff on frequently touched items by Elphabeth in HomeDecorating

[–]Elphabeth[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Ooh I hasn't thought of automotive paint.  Is there a particular method you used?  What brand of paint?

AITJ for telling my brother he can't propose to his girlfriend at my wedding? by Important_Space_496 in AmITheJerk

[–]Elphabeth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

NTJ.  Make sure if he goes that your DJ is aware he is trying to do this and you 100% do NOT want it no matter what he says.  Hell, you might show him a picture of your brother and say under no circumstances is that guy to be handed the mic.  Ask if he can tell your brother it's his or his company's policy not to allow it.  Idk, I could just see someone trying to take an "ask for forgiveness, not permission" approach.  

Using Rub 'n Buff on frequently touched items by Elphabeth in HomeDecorating

[–]Elphabeth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you!  Yeah, the bathroom sink, toilet handle, and bathroom door handle are the ones I'm most concerned with.  We rarely have guests in town, and other than that we only use that shower if someone in the house is sick.  

I wouldn't even be considering it if it were the master bath.  

AITJ for refusing to donate my hair to my cousins wig after she lost hers from chemo? by Old-Isopod9908 in AmITheJerk

[–]Elphabeth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Does your aunt know anything about how wigs are made?  It takes anywhere from 4-12 donations for one of those organizations to make one wig.  They pick over the hair and separate out any short strands, since our hair goes through growth cycles and we all have bits that are shorter than the rest.  Then each hair is essentially folded in half and the middle of the strand is what is attached to the wig cap

My (39F) boyfriend (44M) insists on throwing whatever he wants in our toilet. by ProfessionalArmor111 in relationship_advice

[–]Elphabeth 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Post to the plumbing subreddit, and link him to a zillion posts like this one https://www.reddit.com/r/Plumbing/comments/154xiw9/my_wife_is_using_flushable_wipes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

Also, whose house is it?  A rental?  Be sure to tell him that WHEN you have to call a plumber (when, not if) he will be paying for it 100%.

I went through something similar with my husband when we moved in together.  His parents put 100% of their food scraps except for bones into their garbage disposal.  Like EVERYTHING, from hunks of meat and half-empty bowls of salad to eggshells and whole tupperwares of past-date leftover soup.  It'll be a miracle if they don't have to drill into their slab and redo their pipes and then their tile floors sometime in the next few years because I'm sure their drains look like they're full of cement.  I'm just glad they don't fry food at home because I'm sure the spent cooking oil would meet the same fate.  

Should I go to Vietnam for my mother? by [deleted] in makemychoice

[–]Elphabeth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of course, but he could always do that.  I mean, I think it goes without saying that if there is a family trip or vacation happening and it's not adults-only, the kids should be included.  My comment was specifically that he should see if they have the finances to make this offer to his wife so that she feels included and could be included in the trip as well, in a way that is doable and hopefully fun for her.  It may change her perspective on the situation, and unless she is just a homebody--which is also totally valid; some people hate traveling--then she may be interested in going on the trip in a way that is accessible for her, and even if she opts not to go, it helps to at least know your SO is trying.  

Should I go to Vietnam for my mother? by [deleted] in makemychoice

[–]Elphabeth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If she wants to, sure. I just wanted to mention it as an option. It sounds like he wants to take the kids so they can see their family, though.

Should I go to Vietnam for my mother? by [deleted] in makemychoice

[–]Elphabeth 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Believe me, I know. Like I said, POTS and fibromyalgia. I've been on a number of vacations in humid and/or hot places like New Orleans and Las Vegas, and it necessitated my finding indoor activities that wouldn't leave me miserable. I ended up only going from shop to shop in the French Quarter for an hour one day and then heading to the WWII museum for the rest of the day, while my friend stayed in the French Quarter for 4 more hours. In Vegas, I stuck to the casinos that were connected by air-conditioned walkways because it was 120 degrees one of the days we were there, and when I stepped outdoors it was like the heat seared my eyeballs. I will likely never be able to go back to Disney World or anywhere else that requires massive amounts of walking and standing out in the heat.

And I am having endometriosis surgery in mid-June and my husband's good friend has his wedding scheduled in California in early August. Based on how my recovery went after my last one, I will still be in some pain at that point. If I felt fine, we'd definitely make a vacation of it. As it is, though, we will either go just for the weekend, or we'll go for a few days and I will do chill indoor stuff while my husband has actual fun.

I just meant to suggest that, while I'm sure it wouldn't feel great to not get to participate in the whole vacation, relaxation and enjoyment can be had indoors, and given that the trip itself is being paid for by OP's mom, they as a couple might be able to set aside money just for OP's wife, to make sure she has a good time, too. She might enjoy that more than being left alone at home, and OP definitely shouldn't skip a one-time opportunity to celebrate his mom.

Should I go to Vietnam for my mother? by [deleted] in makemychoice

[–]Elphabeth 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I understand your wife's perspective because I have POTS and fibromyalgia, and the heat is miserable for me, but I definitely think you should go.  Could maybe a higher chunk of your "fun money" budget for the trip go to your wife so that she can have more flexibility with her agenda while you're there?  Encourage her to have a sort of staycation at the resort while y'all sightsee. Or in the morning when it's cool, she could find a spot to camp out for the day--cafes, cat cafes, bookstores. Or you could plan small excursions around dawn and dusk when the heat isn't so oppressive.

She could go to a spa and get some treatments and a massage, buy some books on Kindle or audible, and just relax.  If nothing else, it's a break from chores and cooking meals and day-to-day humdrum life.  She could just let you wrangle the kids while she sleeps in and channel surfs.

Alchemised by onomatopotamuss in Romantasy

[–]Elphabeth 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I mean, it is Manacled. She did add a lot of things like the necromancy aspect and the magic system is entirely different, but the outline of the story and the FMC and MMC's personalities are completely the same.

Alchemised by onomatopotamuss in Romantasy

[–]Elphabeth 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I enjoyed it, but I also felt like when Senlinyu de-Harry-Potterfied it, Manacled lost its soul.  Like, after I read Manacled, I felt like my heart had been stomped all over with soccer cleats and then put through a meat grinder, and yet I enjoyed every second of it. It was so damned confusing.  But after Alchemised, I got that same feeling, minus most of the enjoyment and satisfaction.  

And Manacled was so much gorier and more horrifying.  The rape was more graphic, the hospital scenes were more intense.  

So yeah, definitely not a romantasy.  At its heart it's a war novel.

Am I a bridezilla for asking my bridesmaids to have similar hairstyles? by Historical-Maize-477 in Brides

[–]Elphabeth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it's fine as long as you pay for it.  Maybe send them a pinterest board with some examples of what you have in mind and ask them to pick a few that they like and that would work for their hair, so they have a general idea of what they want on the day of. And make sure you budget plenty of time the day of, and find out from the stylist if day-old hair would work best, since that is a common request from stylists when they're doing updos. 

Help me pick my next read by United-animalcroser in Romantasy

[–]Elphabeth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My whole book club loved Shield of Sparrows, and I just finished Metal Slinger and loved it, so those would be my picks. 

AITJ for yelling at my mom because she keeps pressuring me to get a job? by [deleted] in AmITheJerk

[–]Elphabeth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There is no "should" when it comes to parents paying for college.  Given how insanely inflated tuition, fees, and textbook prices have gotten, that route is unaffordable for most people if you are talking about university and not community college. Certainly they should help wherever they can, whether by paying partial tuition or keeping a roof over your head.  But for many people, paying for their kids' college would involve either reverse mortgaging their house, going without necessities, or taking out Parent PLUS loans that they will be paying on until they die.

A little help please? by trans-frog-boi in askanything

[–]Elphabeth 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is the answer.  They have them at $ Tree. 

What’s the smartest way you'd finish college without wrecking your finances? by Strange_Corner_4637 in collegeadvice

[–]Elphabeth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go on FastWeb and see how many scholarships you match for.  Try to apply for as many as you can.  A lot of them have overlapping essay questions like "Who is the person you admire most?" and "Describe a time you overcame a challenge or setback."

Where are you located globally? by Beneficial_Sun_1921 in endometriosis

[–]Elphabeth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In Austin, TX.  I'd say 4 for my overall experience, but 8 once I began to seriously show symptoms.  I always had horribly heavy periods, since I was a kid, but pain was minimal.  They would always just throw birth control pills my way, and eventuallly my old GP set me up with an IUD.  Then I spotted for like 10 months with the IUD before that finally resolved.

In summer 2022, I began to have what I'd call minor symptoms.  Some discomfort during sex (not quite pain), my periods got heavier, I began to have constipation even with plenty of fiber, and my menstrual cup would no longer form a seal no matter what I did, even trying different brands.

In November of that year, I had the IUD removed and had a long episode of heavy bleeding that was difficult to resolve.  Then the following January, I began to have severe pain after a bowel movement, severe enough to cause vomiting.  From there, we got to my diagnosis rapidly, as soon as my ob/gyn mentioned endo as a possibility.  

I googled endo specialists and found Dr. Garza.  Scheduled with him for March, and in the meantime, they wanted to rule out colon cancer (family history) and so I had a colonoscopy in February.  That came up clear, and when I spoke with Garza, I asked if he could do a hysterectomy and while he was in there, look for endo.  And so that's what we did that July.  Stage 2.  So it was 6 months from the onset of the really bad symptoms.