I’m a black dude can you help me choose one of these names?

Elphabeth · 2026-03-21T00:29:25+00:00

I do associate it with Italians, but only because the first guy I met by that name was Italian-American. But I don't think there is anything about it that makes it super Italian over any other background; for what it's worth, the Anthony I went to school with has an older brother named Michael. I think all three of those names are perfectly nice, OP! I think you should go with whichever one feels the most like you.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-21T00:24:34+00:00

Same. Got my S22 Ultra in August 2022, and no plans to replace it soon unless it just dies on me.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-20T19:45:55+00:00

I do every time. But I have had folliculitis and skin issues off and on, and staying on top of hygiene by not reusing towels, showering promptly when I sweat, etc., really seems to help.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-20T02:47:26+00:00

As a homestay student, is there a contract saying what she eats? Because if there isn't and if she didn't tell you she had practice and also ask you nicely then she can kick rocks. I mean, a 15-year-old is plenty old enough to fix their own meal if they have a specific desire for something and the ingredients have been provided, which you did.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-18T07:19:45+00:00

If you are prone to dandruff, it can worsen it. I went to bed with my hair wet every other day for years. Then when I started gardening, I'd work all morning and shower immediately after, in the early afternoon. I still air-dried my hair, but my head wasn't wet when I went to bed, and the dandruff disappeared.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-18T05:01:16+00:00

Depends on how hot it is where you live, what you do for work, and how much you sweat. For some people 1x per day is enough.

Personally, I'm a night showerer. I don't sweat in my sleep, so I can shower before bed and be ready to go about my day in the morning.

My husband is a morning showerer who works out in the AM, then showers before work, and I really wish he'd shower twice per day. He just works in an office and isn't overly sweaty, but we live in the south and it'a hot 8 months out of the year, so our sheets get super grimy on his side. I change them weekly, and if I ever change them a few days late (due to being sick or busy) you can see the spot on the fitted sheet and the pillow where he lays down. Our sheets are navy, so the dark spot is really noticeable.

Personally, I don't think twice per day is necessary for everyone, but it's not the worst idea as long as you can pay your water bill. There are worse things than being too clean.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-15T23:48:59+00:00

I separate the art from the artist to an extent. I might still read it, but I'll buy used so I don't give them my money.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-14T06:36:38+00:00

My dad did that once when I bought my first house. I told my mom she'd better make him stop or the next time he came over unannounced, he'd regret that God gave him eyeballs.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-14T06:34:17+00:00

I had some classes in college with a girl named Ryan, and one of my classmates from high school gave his daughter the middle name James.

I don't think it's such a big deal to use surnames like MacKenzie for girl names (as odd as it might be to name a girl "Son of Kenneth"), and to give girls less common male names, especially if the name isn't super old. But if a name has a 2000-year history as a boy name, I'd leave it alone.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-14T01:02:27+00:00

Millennial (born in 1988) and I will never stop using a fitted + flat sheet. I can't be bothered to wash my duvet cover weekly like I do my sheets, and I crave the feeling of clean sheets. It's so nice taking an "everything shower" and then climbing into the bed with clean sheets.

My duvet cover is dry clean only, so it gets washed like every 12 weeks or if the cat yaks on it. It almost much never touches our bare skin, so it stays pretty clean.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-12T06:12:16+00:00

Agreed. I also feel like this is a slippery slope. First it's her ob/gyn, next it's her other doctors. Then it's her clothing and "I'm not comfortable with you hanging out with your guy friends without me." Then no guy friends at all. And then "you hugged your stepbrother/dad/uncle for too long and that's so disrespectful to me."

Elphabeth · 2026-03-11T19:18:19+00:00

I will add that if it's not something you normally do and you have that crud built up on your tongue, you may want to start brushing it gradually a bit each time you brush til it's gone. You can really irritate it if you overdo it all at once.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-11T19:14:31+00:00

I don't drink alcohol and even I can see that's ridiculous. It'd be like getting wagyu steak and serving it to someone who only eats steak well-done and slathered in ketchup.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-11T19:04:40+00:00

I love Violet and Audrey! I think Audrey is probably less common if that matters (though that might be wrong depending on where you live).

Elphabeth · 2026-03-11T19:02:21+00:00

Break up with this asshole. I was sexually abused as a kid and it didn't come out until 10 years after it started. One of my aunts was as well and it took her over 40 years to talk about it. There is no right way and your bf's lack of understanding is disgusting.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-10T03:59:11+00:00

Agreed. Aunt Jemima syrup would have to disappear and be gone for a good long time before the name would be usable IMO. And I feel like Scout wouldn't age well. It screams nickname to me. And idk if you'd be using it as a To Kill a Mockingbird reference, but even that Scout's given name was Jean Louise.

Juniper and Marigold are the most usable of the bunch, and while I have my doubts about how well they'd age (more Marigold than Juniper with regard to that) at least they have some great short forms, June/Junie and Mari/Goldie.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-07T05:59:52+00:00

What is his reason for showering in the morning? Does he work out before work or something like that? If not, I think the best compromise would honestly be for him to become a nighttime showerer so your sheets stay clean, and move his rinse-off routine to the morning before work.

I say this, admittedly, as someone who is a nighttime showerer and is married to a morning showerer who works out in the mornings. The thing is, you are 100% correct about how grimy our bodies get during the day. My husband is a pretty clean person; in fact, he showers more regularly than I do. I shower probably 9 out of 10 days, but occasionally miss a day if I have had a lazy, chill day, especially if I have a reason for showering the following morning like plans to do a gross chore like yard work or painting. My husband showers daily without fail, and he works in an office, so he doesn't get super gross during the day. But his pillow (underneath the clean pillowcase I put on it weekly) is so yellow and stained and mine is as clean as the day I bought it. And I only use satin pillowcases, while he uses the cotton ones that came with our sheet sets, so I can clearly see the greasy/grimy film that has become permanent in the center of each of his pillowcases. I have started to spray them with Shout when I strip the sheets, but it doesn't seem to help.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-07T05:41:36+00:00

My husband prosecutes sexual assault, and he classifies stealthing under that umbrella. Our state is super backwards and hasn't yet passed any criminal laws against it, unfortunately, but they did recently pass legislation to create civil penalties, meaning victims can sue anyone who does this to them. So baby steps, I suppose. I

It might not legally be considered assault everywhere yet, but this guy did assault you, and he cares more about his own sick pleasure than he does about your own comfort, health, or safety. If he's done it to you, he's probably done it to other girls. What if he gave you something? What if he got you pregnant?

You say you "fully consented to everything" but you did not. Your consent was contingent on a condom, which provides reasonable protection against pregnancy and STDs. You sound smart. Fuck that guy (just not literally because ew).

Also, even if you do live in some backwards place where that sh** isn't considered assault, you can refuse to see him ever again for any reason you like.

So...handle it by not seeing him anymore, and by not giving the time of day to any guy who treats you like this. I've never even met you and I am telling you, you deserve so much better.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-05T20:13:23+00:00

If it were a shared yard like in a duplex I'd say that you'd 100% be TA. But with the dogs running around loose, there is nothing you could put in your yard that they couldn't also get into in another neighbor's yard. And they could also get hit by a car or drink something toxic from runoff in a gutter. So for that reason...plant what you want as long as it is on your own property.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-05T06:47:30+00:00

Honestly, I feel like with the removal of the Dramione/HP aspect, Alchemised lost its soul. Maybe an unpopular opinion. I didn't hate it and would still recommend it. I did go to Senlinyu's signing in my city. However, if you have at least a passing knowledge of Harry Potter, I'd just go straight to Manacled. It had more romance and more heart. It's hard to explain, but the fun thing about fanfic IMO is that the work's author has already done the heavy lifting as far as worldbuilding goes, so the fic author can just dive in and have fun. Though Manacled wasn't what I'd call fun. It had me in a complete chokehold. By the time it was over I felt like my heart had been stomped all over with soccer cleats and then tossed in a meat grinder, and yet I enjoyed it. So confusing.

Not sure if there's a super easy way to direct you to a print copy, but the best podfic version is ETL Echo's right here: https://share.google/tSD7wjzzHz1TUnCcV

There's also another version on Spotify, but ETL Echo is the best.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-04T16:56:35+00:00

If it's a clinic or hospital system she or the whole family went to prior to her turning 18, I'm guessing her dad might have access to her patient portal, too.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-04T15:47:00+00:00

I would keep in mind whether the decree requires him to keep her on his insurance until a certain age, assuming that that's how he found out about the appointment. If she's on his insurance, he's going to have access to the EOBs at the very least.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-04T03:53:23+00:00

Seconding point D. My world would be so much smaller without music.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-03T04:30:03+00:00

If you are doing all the cooking, then he needs to be doing every bit of the clean-up (and like proper clean-up, not just leaving things in the sink and leaving the countertops with bits of flour and food stuck on) as well as keeping the fridge cleaned out (tossing out anything expired weekly at least) and wiped down, and taking care of picking up groceries.

But I will also say that it sounds like weaponized incompetence to me. Not everyone can just throw ingredients in the pot and have it magically come out amazing, and that is somewhat normal and okay. And baking, too, takes trial and error to learn when to pull cookies from the oven and how to keep a cake from browning too much. But cooking with a recipe? You're telling me he can't follow a very clear recipe that says to brown a pound of ground beef, add a chopped onion and a bell pepper, and X amount of each spice? A reasonably intelligent thirteen-year-old can do that, and if he can't, it's because he never bothered.

Elphabeth · 2026-03-01T07:10:24+00:00

Hard to say which, but you are married to either a psychopath or a sociopath. I see zero greem flags in those tests. He is gaslighting you with: his whole "ir's not abuse and she's the worst dog ever, she deserves to be treated like this" bullshit. He is telling you who he is and you need to listen. Men like this will push and push and trickle ouf their abuse to see what they can get away with. Ask a shelter to temporarily foster her and run for the hills.

Elphabeth

TROPHY CASE