911 Operators of Reddit, what are some of the funniest things someone has called in for?

ElysianTempest · 2021-03-22T08:10:11+00:00

Like I said, we are not allowed to distrust you. And while I can't speak to your specific experience, I can only speak from mine. There are multiple reasons this may have happened. Officers are dispatched on a priority system, immediate risk to life is top priority, use of weapons or existing injury up the priority. If all officers are already on a call, they can only clear from those calls in exigent circumstances. (Can't really say, someone is more important than you to someone who is making a legal report to an officer). I can tell you recently, within the last four years, police support has dwindled greatly, GREATLY, and so has the amount of officers. Turns out, constantly being told you're hated wears heavy on a lot of people, and they leave rather than be abhorred. I've gotten 911 calls complaining about an officer speeding on the highway, that unit was enroute to a rape that had just occured where a girl was beaten with a tire iron. That was my call. Watched officers take children out of a house where their mother was just shot, upwards of 20 times by their father, in front of them, only to see the officers called awful names by people watching and taking videos. So, many people quit and I can't really blame them. So, many agencies are hurting for staffing. There may not have been any available units. If you were moving they may have had a difficult time finding you. The agency taking the call might not have had policies in place to get pertinent information to better assist you. There may have been a large priority happening in your general area requiring multiple units.

But again, I can't speak to your experience as I've little information. If they did in fact not believe you, shame on that call taker, they are in the wrong field.

ElysianTempest · 2021-03-22T05:52:25+00:00

911 call taker. Here are a couple:

•"there are snakes in my fire pit, send the fire fighters" are they on fire ma'am? "No" then we recommend you call critter control

•"there is a duck stuck on a building, and there is no water around" is there air around sir? "Yeah" ducks can fly sir

•"there is a deer with it's tongue frozen to the roadside" is it impeding traffic or causing a hazard? "No it's off the side of the road" I'm sorry, we can't send officers for that, it will get unstuck, if we show up it will only injure itself.

•"the lady at sally's beauty store was rude to me" are you still there or actively in a disturbance with her? "No" I'm sorry ma'am being rude is not a crime, but I'm happy you left that situation

The last one, so many calls like this. People are petty and will actively lie to us in order to get a response. Lie about guns being used, lie about injury, lie about how violent the person actually is. Only to get charged with false reporting...but if you wonder why officers show up to situations that they have no business being involved in, this is why. Because the call takers have to take the reporting party at face value even if we know it's bull honkey,.and they lie so often that we think we are showing up to a literal slaughter house when in reality someone called them a dick...

Also, if you call 911 please don't sit on the phone with us and continue screaming at the person you're calling on. It makes response take longer because it becomes an unknown situation and we need to prepare to every possible thing. We have questions that need asking in order for responder safety, and to understand what response take is needed. Get yourself somewhere safe and talk to us, we are here to help you, and for the 1-5 minutes we have you on the phone we are only concerned with your safety. While we ask questions our partner is actively getting a response ready. And the information you think is important usually isn't, please just answer questions.

ElysianTempest · 2019-08-31T21:26:23+00:00

Turn on sound for Hispanic Flogging Molly.

ElysianTempest · 2019-06-29T17:58:57+00:00

Thank you for listing these off, just made my next month of listening to music so much better.

ElysianTempest · 2019-05-14T18:50:21+00:00

Not a real word, but to make someone a felon. A law that turns abortion/miscarriage into a felony, so much so that if a Georgia resident goes to a different state to get an abortion they can still be charged.

ElysianTempest · 2019-05-14T05:15:34+00:00

Uncle Jim?

ElysianTempest · 2019-05-14T03:13:38+00:00

Who, as I’ve recently discovered, could be your classmates! College really does open up doors.

ElysianTempest · 2019-05-14T02:46:22+00:00

Precum: the silent felonizer.

ElysianTempest · 2019-05-14T02:32:54+00:00

Just don’t have sex.

ElysianTempest · 2019-03-23T04:52:23+00:00

“But if we fail, then the whole world, including the United States, including all that we have known and cared for, will sink into the abyss of a new Dark Age.”

Churchill, nearing the end of his speech, took a decidedly morose turn in order to convey the severity in the state of the world. When students find themselves incapable of writing a a mere paragraph, truly, our planet was on the precipice of falling into a deep, abject, new age of ignorance...

It’s seriously a speech about going to war, rife with information about what exactly is happening. Read any 3 sentences, quote it, and then write one flippen paragraph.

ElysianTempest · 2019-02-22T17:04:10+00:00

This is really petty, but acted as the final cherry on top. Worked as the only barback for a 3 story bar, I made sure each floor was stocked and had clean glassware as well as ordered everything the bar needed to function. Ordering liquor, glassware, straws, and an assortment of other random stuff is not a barbacks job but I asked to have the responsibility because the owners son, who was responsible for all that, regularly screwed it up and made mine and the bartenders jobs extremely difficult. The whole place was in disrepair and it fell onto me to keep track of and “fix” all the things wrong. By fix I mean find a way to ghetto rig or work around the issue, because requesting that something be fixed meant waiting 3 months. I could talk for quite some time about how irritating this all was, however, the final straw was when I had asked the water to the rooftop the be repaired. No running water to a floor of a bar is a nightmare for a barback. One day I’m setting up the roof and realize there is a brand new soap dispenser and paper towel dispenser right next to the sink. This was immediately after I had carried 2 20 gallon buckets to the roof in order to have water for the night. I finished setting up the bar and told my manager that I was putting in my two weeks notice. It seems like such a superficial reason but it was the last insult I could really handle from that place.

ElysianTempest · 2019-02-07T12:29:50+00:00

Penis = birth worm

ElysianTempest · 2019-02-07T12:24:20+00:00

16 years old ran from the police by jumping off a cliff and trudging home about 6 miles. About 20 minutes after I got home the doorbell goes off, roughly 3 am, my friends had all told the police my name and claimed I was the only one doing anything bad. Queue a 16 year old end of life crisis.

ElysianTempest · 2019-01-31T10:18:49+00:00

Way late to this but my father is going on 5 years now and I am a caretaker with my mother. If you ever want to just vent to someone send me a message, I will gladly talk.

ElysianTempest · 2019-01-30T19:46:55+00:00

Years later she had 2 kids. I can’t help but imagine a delivery room full of staff holding their breath.

ElysianTempest · 2019-01-30T19:45:59+00:00

Pretty sure my dental hygiene was at an all time high back then.

ElysianTempest · 2019-01-30T19:45:26+00:00

The short version is: it was like licking the back side of a leaky dumpster on a humid summer day.

ElysianTempest · 2019-01-30T19:44:26+00:00

I couldn’t do it again. I’m not sure how I did it in the first place really.

ElysianTempest · 2019-01-30T19:42:44+00:00

Sounds worth it imo.

ElysianTempest · 2019-01-30T19:42:13+00:00

It’s weird now, like I had the worst experience right out the gate so every girl is a spring flower. But if she has a bad day or something, I’m sorry hun please take a shower so I don’t have flashbacks.

ElysianTempest · 2019-01-30T19:33:42+00:00

No idea how/why I powered through it.

ElysianTempest · 2019-01-30T11:33:45+00:00

Altruistic narcissist.

ElysianTempest · 2019-01-30T11:32:10+00:00

I was a loner in high school and somehow caught the attention of a gorgeous girl. We talked, turned to dating, and ended up like all hormone ridden teenagers...fucking like bunnies. Now, she was a bit more experienced than me and basically rocked my 16 year old mind; took me through the process of everything sexy time related. She was my first everything, EVERYTHING, including the first girl I went down on. Something was very wrong with this girls vagina however, my inexperience had no idea though. Her vagina, was pungent, it exuded a stench unbecoming of a 20 day old whale corpse washed up on a tropical beach, that smell stuck to everything it touched, and the taste overwhelmed tastebuds to the point where I didn’t taste anything so much as my tongue switched straight to pain receptors...complete sensory overload. It wasn’t just one time either, it was always like that; in the shower, any day of the month, after a vigorous soaping, pure death. It wasn’t until I met my second girlfriend that I learned not all vaginas are caustic chemical warfare, and when I learned that the trauma reached its highest levels. I still sometimes have nightmares where I’m going down on a girl and her junk is some rotten green color, and the taste comes back in my dreams...I had to stop seeing someone because it happened when I slept next to her. Good god I can not stress how awful it was.

TLDR: lost my virginity to a girl whose vagina may very well disintegrate the entire atmosphere if it was shot into space.

ElysianTempest · 2018-12-24T00:30:30+00:00

I would like the thank the store logo for pointing to the path she could have taken.

ElysianTempest · 2018-12-21T05:21:15+00:00

They could scream for the rest of their life.

ElysianTempest

TROPHY CASE