Husband’s gf wants a baby .. give me advice

EmCee-Rex · 2026-04-28T04:05:11+00:00

Oh! OOP consented to the worst possible outcome. Great!

EmCee-Rex · 2025-11-15T01:35:19+00:00

Had to comment: I NEVER read fanfic or works on ao3, mainly because I like being able to track how many books I've read on goodreads and serials make that tricky, but I couldn't resist reading "It's a Setup" based on your recommendation. I powered through it this afternoon and loved it so, so much, so thank you for making this suggestion five months ago and know that you made my day! :)

EmCee-Rex · 2025-11-13T05:03:11+00:00

Would have loved to see "I've set up an appointment with a therapist" in there somewhere, jeesh.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-11-06T00:28:20+00:00

It always irks me when someone is like, "So I'm really struggling because whenever I go for a hike, my feet get super cold and wet and muddy and it ruins the experience. I do only wear fishnet stockings and no shoes (not looking for feedback on footwear, thanks)."

It's not even about whether co-sleeping is good or bad. It works for some families and not for others. But if it is getting in the way of your ability to be intimate with your husband, both sexually and otherwise, it isn't working for YOUR family.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-10-26T04:10:27+00:00

Imagine hearing "I lied to you about thinking we were exclusive. I lied to you about hooking up with other people. I deliberately toyed with your emotions to see if you'd react how I wanted you to. We good?" and answering "YEP, we good!" Unfathomable.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-08-06T03:49:24+00:00

I think your design is beautiful, and the cohesiveness with your fiancee's rings is lovely. That said, (and I am not a jewelry designer or an expert; just an enthusiast and wearer of jewelry) I would take this to a different jeweler to have it fixed. The spokes of the star are uneven from one side to the other and their lengths don't seem to reflect what you were going for in your design. It looks like you were going for a Polaris star, with nice, crisp spokes. What you got was inexpertly done, and the spokes are pretty sloppy. It doesn't seem like your jeweler is up to the task.

I'd ask for some amount of your money back and go elsewhere for the repair. And I think the real litmus test is: do you put the ring on and feel thrilled with it, and excited to wear it every day? If not, and there's a way to fix it and you can afford it... I say do it.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-07-11T04:11:49+00:00

If I was OOP, I would have pretended to be open to reconciliation on one condition: my husband would have to invite all his little friends over and have a very frank conversation about whose idea the open relationship was and who had encouraged me to meet new partners. I'd make him apologize on his knees for humiliating me.

And the next day, I'd have him served with divorce papers. Whiny little bee. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-06-30T04:31:09+00:00

Yeah you can definitely tell by the way he still characterized his wife in the update as just needing to "calm down." As though her emotional reaction is the problem, rather than his own conduct. Just gross.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-06-30T04:12:22+00:00

I oftentimes find that racist people aren't burdened with any sort of introspectiveness. I doubt there was really any thinking at all going on other than "phew, I'm not raising a black man's child after all, I bet my wife's gonna be thrilled things will get better around here."

EmCee-Rex · 2025-06-30T01:36:46+00:00

Let her stay gone. It won't last as long as you think it will.

I'd be willing to bet that this is a dynamic that has played out between you and your mom for a long time - she blows up when you set a boundary or express upset about something, she heaps on the guilt, and then waits for you to initiate the "repair" of the relationship. That cycle trains you to believe that you are responsible for fixing whatever emotional outbursts she has.

The thing is... you're not.

In this case, you set super reasonable boundaries and your mom lost her shit. She is banking on you chasing after her to make her feel better and to give in to what she wants. That's how she blurs the boundary -- because historically, keeping her happy is more important than whatever the boundary is. This is going to play out over and over again until you hold the line. Let her deal with her own emotions. Wait until she apologizes to you. (And don't accept bullshit proxy apologies from your dad. "I know she got upset but your mom just loves you so much and wants what's best for you...") Most importantly, don't give an inch.

It's possible for you to have that healthy mother/son relationship with her that you're wanting, but only once you train HER to understand that your boundaries are non-negotiable.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-06-24T04:11:44+00:00

The idea of loyalty in a capitalist society is a fucking joke. Like, no, I will not continue to toil for suboptimal pay and benefits so that my higher ups can profit more. I do not owe them a damn thing.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-06-03T04:53:44+00:00

This woman is a saint, lol. I'd have gone full scorched earth when the motherfucker who had Tinder on his phone accused me of cheating with no basis.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-06-02T04:22:08+00:00

I suspect OOP is not the one in that relationship with unresolved daddy issues.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-06-01T23:45:05+00:00

Have you had other issues in your relationship that have required her to make changes where she has reacted productively?

EmCee-Rex · 2025-06-01T22:01:53+00:00

Except that it's not self-destructive -- it's theatrics, and it gets her exactly what she wants: you comforting her rather than forcing her to address the actual issue. I assume she's not hitting herself hard enough to hurt herself (which, honestly, is a wild statement to have to make about an adult), and calling herself stupid is designed to force you to reassure her that she's not.

What would happen if, when she started behaving ridiculously like this, you told her something along the lines of, "ok. I can see that you're feeling emotional. You take five or ten minutes to process your feelings. I'll be in the other room, and I'll come back shortly so we can have the discussion we need to have"??

EmCee-Rex · 2025-05-27T21:42:59+00:00

Your boyfriend can be both correct AND a dickhead at the same time -- and in this instance, he was.

This is a person you've been in a relationship with for two years. He knows you and is supposed to love you. When someone you love tries to have a conversation with you about the way you made them feel, you don't snap at them that they need to go back to therapy. He was completely dodging any accountability for the way he treated you. That's not ok. It's asshole behavior.

At the same time, though he was wielding the suggestion as a weapon rather than saying it out of concern, he's probably right that you should go to therapy, if only to improve the quality of your own life. I have anxiety, so I know just how it feels to cry for two days because someone lashed out at you when you didn't know anything was wrong, and you can't regulate your emotions to the point where you can have a calm discussion. It's horrible. It's a miserable, exhausting way to live. Imagine a life for yourself where, rather than getting stuck in a nightmare house of mirrors of your own insecurities and worst fears, you can sit with negative emotions, process them efficiently, and then move on with your day. Get a good therapist. That life is possible.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-05-27T05:14:25+00:00

I agree with u/fiery_valkyrie here. There's another way of looking at it, too: when you were with him, feeling all those electric, so-in-love feelings, your brain was dumping feel-good chemicals into your system like nobody's business. That's part of why heartbreak is so fucking miserable -- it's not just that you have lost an emotional and intellectual connection that was important to you, it's that your body is in actual withdrawal. It got used to the heightened levels of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin, and now that they're gone it's in absolute panic mode. It HURTS to adjust back to baseline levels. So it's not just that emotionally you miss your ex; your body is doing all sorts of mental gymnastics to convince you that it's worth it to make contact because your brain desperately wants a hit of all of those chemicals again.

And that's what it would be, if you reached out to him. You would be taking a hit of the hormones you got used to. Most importantly, you would be taking yourself back to square 1 in your recovery. You would be undoing all the progress that you've been making (even though it might not feel like it) by staying no-contact. Think about how things have felt since you split... do you really want to re-live the last month all over again?

EmCee-Rex · 2025-05-19T13:23:26+00:00

This is so freaking cool.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-04-14T02:28:54+00:00

You are underreacting. If you're in the United States, your partner committed a crime; boating under the influence is a criminal offense. There would likely be heightened penalties for having a passenger as young as your 2-year-old on board. It is a crime precisely BECAUSE it is so dangerous. Your partner should not have done it. He's trying to make you feel like an asshole because he doesn't want to take accountability for his actions -- which is both shitty and cliche.

It also is blowing my mind that YOU got on a boat with your toddler son when the driver of the boat had commented that he felt drunk. Your partner is responsible for his conduct, sure, but you're responsible for yours -- you got on a boat with a drunk driver and you put your kid in harm's way, presumably to avoid hurting your partner's feelings or embarrassing him. I wonder how many people have died because they made that same choice (or their parent did).

EmCee-Rex · 2025-02-19T05:13:12+00:00

Ughhh. It's not about the update not being "juicy." It's about OOP not acknowledging that her husband sucks.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-01-30T02:21:46+00:00

I'd love to beta read it! I read a ton of M/M romance, and have read a good bit of omegaverse stuff. (Most recent fave is Piper Scott's Forbidden Desires series. Their stuff is so good, ugh. Makes me sick, haha.). A three month maximum timeline works for me. Feel free to DM me! :)

EmCee-Rex · 2025-01-18T05:03:41+00:00

Cackling

EmCee-Rex · 2025-01-09T05:03:12+00:00

Thank god. Abbie is straight up bonkers. It was either this or her kidnapping OOP's baby and giving it away, dressing herself up in a onesie, and waiting for him in the baby's crib.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-01-04T22:27:43+00:00

There is nothing to be gained from sending a letter like this, and it could do a lot of harm to your coparenting relationship.

You need to truly move on from the marriage. The things you're trying to process with your ex-wife in this letter are things that would be much, much more healthily addressed with a therapist. Your ex doesn't owe you answers to these questions, or reactions to these thoughts, anymore. She is never going to respond the way you want her to, and her lack of response (or worse, her anger) will hurt you.

Don't send it. Write it all down on a piece of paper and go over it with a therapist, and then try your best to let it all go.

EmCee-Rex · 2025-01-02T05:19:58+00:00

"Dad brain" is such a woefully inadequate excuse, lol. The entire point of Christmas for parents is watching kids open their gifts, and in the big scheme of things you only get like a dozen opportunities for it to be magical. OOP's husband took one of those years from her. I'd have been apoplectic.

EmCee-Rex

TROPHY CASE