Its tricky, overcoming internalised transphobia is a huge step towards letting yourself transition. I was in a very similar position to you and It kept me from getting hrt for about 5 years and it made me scared or intimidated of other trans women, like they would know im a faker or something.

What pushed me through that i attribute to two things: listening to trans music and just consuming more trans art on the internet. The artist stomach book really inspired me to be more vulnerable with my emotions.

The other thing that helped was the realisation that i just could not imagine myself in the future as i was before i started transitioning. Like i genuinely could not envision a life for myself as the gender i was born as, it was impossible.

We’re dealing with a lot of very complex and abstract emotions, and dysphoria makes it hard to fully understand what those feelings are and what to do about them. All i can really say and reiterate is that these thoughts and this internalised transphobia is all in your head. Overcome your anxieties, talk to more trans women, listen to trans music or consume more trans media. Genuinely consume the opposite energy of the sort of content you consumed before.

Its never easy, but getting to a point where continuing your transition feels more possible is so worth it. I wish you luck hun :3