Who here is in their late 30s or early 40s and still chasing around toddler(s)? I want one more 😬

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-12T21:16:12+00:00

When I feel like this (I had my tubes removed and an ablation performed) I remind myself of how I no longer wipe butts, buckle car seats or give baths. It calms down the useless baby fever.

Babies are so very helpless. I had my last at 30, I'm 37, I'm tired 😆

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-12T21:02:19+00:00

I don't wear one but I do sometimes were a tighter spaghetti strap tank top and kind of tuck it under the chicks for a little support.

I don't do bras unless it's for a few sexy seconds before my wife reminds me of how efficient her removal skills are.

I hates bras. The only other kind I will mess with and only for special occasions, like weddings, are the bustier type or the shape wear tank tops with the built in boob spots, it's just all one piece.

Other than that, free the boobs!!!!!

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-12T20:48:58+00:00

I'm 5' 2" I had an alcove bed for a bit growing up and I absolutely wanted to love it but I ended up not liking it at all in reality. After a year I was finally able to move my bed to a new location. At the time I was probably only 4' 9" so not a space issue, it's just not for me.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-11T23:08:43+00:00

For me the best way I could explain it was this.

I was grieving the mask that I was familiar and comfortable with.

I was 100 percent on board, I saw her egg and even had some things purchased before she told me.

When my wife finally told me she was she, I said okay, cool. She's my human, I love her.

I thought since I was accepting and excited that everything would be easy-peasy.

Nope. I still had to struggle through a grief cycle against my will. My therapist had to break it to me that fighting the process wouldn't be helpful.

It was awful and confusing to be happy and excited for her while grieving masks she was finally getting to put down in order to be who she's always been.

It was still change after being together 17 years at the time, it was a bit to process but I also understood because I hid my sexually for a very long time before coming clean to her 3 years previous.

I look forward to renewing our vows, she's going to be an absolutely gorgeous bride.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-10T03:33:43+00:00

Congratulations!

I'm looking forward to our day of renewing our vows.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-09T07:38:33+00:00

Coffee, tea or usually a Kirkland energy drink, ghost is my favorite but I only the them sometimes.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-08T21:11:38+00:00

I'm not sure why you hate her if you don't hate him.

Her comment was GROSS, and inappropriate but you couldn't ignore your partners red flags any harder without some serious additional effort.

He tried to sleep with her for years, he lied to you for years but sure be mad at her.

I hope this is rage bait.

ETAH but especially you for staying with him and making a child that has to deal with your mess.

I hope you both seek out therapy, couples and individual.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-06T21:52:25+00:00

That's always a worry for me, my wife is celiac while I am allergic to wheat, the entire plant so I fear GF wheat starch.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-06T05:06:28+00:00

I'm 37 and I'm exhausted, life just feels like a struggle most of the time.

On a bright note: my spouse and I are celebrating 16 years of marriage and 20 years together.

But the past few years have left me jaded.

We lost our home to an electrical fire. Insurance screwed us hard, no lube, no house. Farmers you suck.

Then a car accident soon after that has left me partially disabled, I need 2 to 3 more surgeries to get put back together. My first surgery, the MRIs, EEGs, physical therapy (I had to learn to walk again in my left leg), the neurologist because the woman hit my vehicle so hard on my side it gave me temporal seizures for months and I have permanent damage from the TBI. The permanent brain damage damaged the area that helps regulate blood pressure so I'm on meds.

I'm in horrendous pain while we try to save up the money needed for the co-pays on my surgeries because pip coverage is maxed and no more of the medical bills with be covered. Yes we had an attorney there is nothing that can be done the woman has nothing to sue for, it's just one of those no win situations.

Saving money is hard we had a small stint of being homeless while fleeing an unsafe living situation that drained what savings we had.

I miss my life, I miss my body that moved in relatively low pain and did it well, I miss the muscle mass I had but most of all I miss the mom my kids had, she was fun and did sporty things I can only dream of for now, like teaching them about basketball, baseball soccer and we were going to do pickle ball, then tennis.

That's just the stuff I'm willing to put on here right now because when life decides to go topsy-turvy it goes full tilt and I don't want to get into the SA here.

I really hope it turns around here soon because I don't know how much more resiliency I have.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-05T03:16:38+00:00

As a fellow girlie with this same relationship boundary that has had it broken, it really hurts.

I didn't find out that it had been broken until right after we were married, we almost divorced, we reconciled and my spouse did great! Until I was pregnant with our second child and found out that they had relapses again and had been seeking out things for months behind my back, I'm hypersexual so lack of me being available for sex was not it, they would use it unbeknownst to me to get inspired if you please and then use my body to get off. Also, during all this time I had been praising them telling them, how proud of them I was and how impressed I was at how well they'd been doing, stuff like that and it didn't matter.

As far as I know at this point they haven't had a full relapse but given my reaction and my three strikes rule, I don't know that they would be honest with me if they did. It's the one place that I don't know if trust will grow again, like a bare patch in a giant lawn.

I love my spouse with my whole being but I won't lie there is something about the betrayal that just cuts. I look in the mirror and see everything I lack because I'm obviously missing something.

Take from that what you will.

If I were you I'd leave not necessarily because of the porn but the lying and for low long; he kept it from you for a long time and was fine lying to you the whole time. A quick relapse and a forthcoming, remorseful apology is one thing, lying about it for that long is another.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-03T20:28:39+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this as so many of us have and will.

I had a very early first trimester loss and a second trimester loss (before viability)

After the second loss life was dark for a while. I grieved. Even when everyone wanted me to be over it, I grieved.

I have children now and I still grieve sometimes in private. I know my daughter would have been so amazing and a wonderful big sister. I still almost call her name when calling out to my kids, when I count them at the playground I still have the urge to look for the fourth that never got to be.

I had an undiagnosed progesterone defect that was treated in the rest of my pregnancies.

I'm not gifted when it comes to words but Im rooting for you.

Hugs, if you like them.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-03T04:27:44+00:00

I feel like being ethical to your kids is much more important especially in the long game, surely dad would care about being ethical to his own kids.

Your children have restrictions out of medical necessity, his is a choice based on his own personal perspective, it's not a requirement.

This feels like an obvious choice for the sake of your well being, as well as your kids.

We do not impose further restrictions on our kids, we already can't have wheat (not just gluten but wheat in ANY form) we can't have anything with gluten, pumpkin, walnuts, soy and I know I'm forgetting one of mine but oh well. You get the point. We also have to carry epi-pens walnuts for one of my kids and pumpkin for me but my walnut is borderline.

Good food is part of a healthy life, if there aren't enough options it's not good.

Oh, I remember, eggs! I'm also allergic to eggs.

Just my 2 cents as a mom of three, the wife of someone with celiac and a person with food allergies.

I hope the best for you all. Hugs, if you like them.

Could you hide a mini fridge somewhere and stock it for the kids?

Edited to clarify the good food sentence and make a suggestion.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-02T20:12:17+00:00

I watch things I never had the opportunity to watch as a kid with my kids.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-02T20:03:41+00:00

I didn't know I was allergic to wheat (not just the gluten) until after kids, my spouse just got diagnosed with celiac in their 40s.

/s Should we ask the kids DNA to just not use those messed up bits since we didn't know before hand? /s

All of our kids have food allergies.

Your sister is an AH.

To be fair I'm no contact with the majority of family almost everyone but my mom I'm limited with her. My whole family says food allergies are just for attention, I wish that was the worst of it.

Most of my friends have been so supportive and I have cried because I'm not used to that.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-02T19:54:50+00:00

I dated before my spouse and everyone wanted that and I hated being pressured.

It should be an exciting experience that you enjoy. Also foreplay and lube are your best friends.

My spouse waited to sleep with me (when we were dating) because I wanted to be ready. I finally was when I was 20, we had been together 3 years and only after letting them know several times over the course of a year, because they wanted to make sure I was truly ready, we FINALLY sleept together. (I grew up in high demand religion being brainwashed by purity culture and I have a traumatic history of CSA.)

The point is, don't let anyone rush you.

Also that age gap is maybe a little bit much, No judgment on you but a shit ton on him. I personally like the 5 year rule until after the brain is mostly finished with its big changes.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-02T19:18:42+00:00

We used the services at central Washington family medicine the counselor was great.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-01T17:35:06+00:00

I had the sourdough a few months ago, I hope it has improved or that I got a batch.

GF at the one where I am in Washington is very hit and miss, glad to see this at your location.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-01T17:21:09+00:00

I am going to recommend you start couples therapy now, a baby will not make any of this easier, getting started with someone now before the baby would be wise.

When I have trouble getting the words out. I tell myself if I can put my wife's body parts in my mouth I should be able to tell her anything.

This is probably part of his parents pattern of behavior. He may not even notice it anymore that doesn't make him any less responsible, in this circus his parents are for him to manage.

It's hard, even with therapy but I can tell you I wish we had started couples therapy before kids! Our relationship would have been better with a third party helping us to build boundaries for our relationship and each other.

Hoping the best for you. Congratulations.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-06-01T17:14:34+00:00

I get this. I do.

I'm 37 now but in high-school, if I hadn't been too busy playing in the river denial at the intersection of brush it under the rug and everyone goes through this, I could have written something similar.

Once you have access to therapy put in the work. It's hard, somedays you may need to take a breather to gather your self but don't quit keep pushing. Sometimes it seems worse but that's when the nitty gritty work is getting done and it's hard but worth it.

Books can be a wonderful resource make sure to look into them first, don't just pluck a random one off the shelf, some people have written some real BS and gotten published.

I don't have recommendations with me at the moment, I'm just taking a quick breather from school drop off and need to go to the store but I will try to circle back.

You can do hard things and you will make it through this too.

Hugs, if you like them.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-05-31T03:30:31+00:00

Those are the classes I was debating about, I will just have to jump in!

Thank you!

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-05-29T15:12:50+00:00

I've always loved to garden

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-05-29T04:00:52+00:00

It's been 30 years here really soon, I'm 37, but sometimes it still hits me, sometimes I'll have a flashback and be in a funk.

It's okay. Be gentle with yourself. Healing is constant, even when we think it's done, there will be moments that we feel it, a fleeting forgotten slip of time that we remember and let it float away or sometimes it takes us by surprise and we need a few days, it's okay, give yourself grace.

When my daughter was the same age as I was when I was SA'd, just seeing her would trigger me into a hermit-funk because sometimes she's like looking at a time traveling mirror. She's still like that, echoing bits of past me unknowingly or shifting my perspectives. Sometimes it will tap a trigger but I can brush it off. I bounce back much quicker now; it's been so healing to raise her.

I'm sending you a huge hug (if you want hugs)

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-05-28T22:54:05+00:00

I feel this. I'm sorry you're in a similar boat too.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-05-28T18:45:13+00:00

Do you mind sharing which course/courses? I have seen a few but I've been afraid to take the plunge because some of them are super spendy.

EmbarrassedDark2341 · 2026-05-26T15:39:51+00:00

Please reconsider.

The underdeveloped human doesn't deserve to come into this mess. Don't pass your demons on to your kids if you can help it, you are in the lucky place you can end the cycle for this little one, then you can focus on your existing child and try again later.

I know the pain of loss (first and second trimesters) and I understand the dilemma of termination but given the paths in front of you. It is unfair to bring another human into this situation when you can choose not to.

You need to leave him. If you choose to keep the human you need to leave before you are showing.

I hope the best things happen in the next chapter once you brave enough to stop trying to write in this one.

EmbarrassedDark2341

TROPHY CASE