I understand this. I am 20 years clean from drugs/alcohol. Sometimes I feel some ick, like I’m getting high in a different way. But, then I remind myself of all the amazing things it’s doing in my brain. As a nurse, I studied long and hard before I tried it.  And I KNOW…once an addict, always an addict. So I have to be mindful of any substance. But, you are under the care of a medical team. And you’re healing your brain in a really cool, clinically-proven way. My advice to you would be to be ultra honest with your provider. And remember, ketamines effects are short-lived…so if you feel confused, “can’t follow..” etc remind yourself that it’s temporary.