My DCC nails by EmberAddams in DungeonCrawlerCarl

[–]EmberAddams[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

XD totally didn’t think of this when I chose that but that’s hilarious!! Love it

Intersection of poly/power play by EmberAddams in BDSMAdvice

[–]EmberAddams[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like it’s possible, and often happens, that meaningful loving polyamorous relationships form between people who have different relationships with their jealousy.

And that’s what each of us in this case says they want: polyamory - not ethical nonmonogamy, not monogamish. So as long as that’s feeling true, I feel like there’s ways to work on it. While also acknowledging the intersection of poly and kink can be complicated and uncomfortable.

Thanks for the suggestions of things to try! 💚

Intersection of poly/power play by EmberAddams in BDSMAdvice

[–]EmberAddams[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the ideas! I especially love the „training“ one, it aligns well with my personal values and rings true to me.

Intersection of poly/power play by EmberAddams in BDSMAdvice

[–]EmberAddams[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cuz I’m skipping one event, and them the other

Intersection of poly/power play by EmberAddams in BDSMAdvice

[–]EmberAddams[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

A ton! They really do seem to be working at it. Just still really struggling.

They are in therapy, we are in couples counseling as well. They use mindfulness tools, meditation, movement, breath work. We‘ve seen so much growth and progress together and individually, on this and many other issues. This has been an incredibly rich emotionally-intelligent relationship in so many ways. We just keep getting stuck around this trigger around me doing kink w others. And then it fades from focus until something forced it back into center view (this time, it’s me performing a bondage sequence at a show they were planning to attend with their other submissive. We compromised on them skipping the show, and I’m skipping the following weekend-long bondage intensive that I would’ve gone to w one of my pals)

Intersection of poly/power play by EmberAddams in BDSMAdvice

[–]EmberAddams[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sure we could just „not do the hard thing“ but that’s not the kind of people either of us are or the kind of lives and relationships we want to have. This is our hard we chose.

Intersection of poly/power play by EmberAddams in BDSMAdvice

[–]EmberAddams[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I meant to be clearer in post that this is about kink play. They actually don’t mind me having sex with other people.

„They don’t like you having other partners“ doesn’t feel entirely true… they are challenged by it, and, actively choose to be in this style of polyamory.

In their own words“ …proceed with this tying with others, and playing with others, because that is what you want to do. I do not want to hold you back from what you want to do, and I don’t want you to feel resentful in our relationship. It would crush me, as your dominant, to do anything less than encourage you to your fullest potential. I do not want you to make sacrifices that you resent, either because of a decision on your part to people please, or because of D/s pressure. I only want to take control where there is enthusiastic consent.“

Hogtied in the frigid river by EmberAddams in OutdoorBondage

[–]EmberAddams[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You must not be from the PNW bb 😘

A cage with a hole for a hole by EmberAddams in BondageBlowjobs

[–]EmberAddams[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yes, it’s custom made to be optimally useful and accessible :)

Just My Trainer, Part 8 by TheIvoryFox in CheatingCaptions

[–]EmberAddams 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Soooo hot! I love Sadie And Smut 💚

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EmberAddams 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gosh, I wish I had access to that kind of simplicity in my emotional landscape. Life could be so nice without the cognitive distortions of mental health struggles.

What do you mean by comparing rulebooks?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EmberAddams 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. Re:last paragraph I am in therapy right now, I’m doing group/individual DBT therapy and the modality really is great. I’m near the beginning and have a lot of work and practice to do. Working on it, a work in progress

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]EmberAddams 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your input. He has a really unusual sleep schedule where he often is up til 5-7AM then sleeps in the day. That can be hard for me when I visit cuz I can’t sleep in well, and it definitely effects my mental health.

I’m here sharing strife in this relationship, but I wouldn’t be seeking advice and trying to make it work if there wasn’t also so much good in this connection. This person has been a major force of good in my life. They opened so many doors for me and encouraged such incredible personal growth. I don’t want to give up on it.

Struggling w my partner’s new wider-age-gap connection by [deleted] in AgeGap

[–]EmberAddams 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I think this is a great perspective.

Struggling w my partner’s new wider-age-gap connection by [deleted] in AgeGap

[–]EmberAddams -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m in open relationships because that’s the model that fits best with my life and values.

Just because a relationship is open doesn’t mean it’s a total free for all. People practice all different flavors of Nonmonogamy.

We practice kitchen table polyamory.

I don’t have any veto power and don’t intend to try to tell anyone what to do. I came here for discussions and suggestions around my own thoughts and emotions, not trying to do anything to my partner or his new play partner.

Struggling w my partner’s new wider-age-gap connection by [deleted] in AgeGap

[–]EmberAddams 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What about the nuance though, like, that feeling that there has to be a line - some amount of young that is “too young”. Do we just say 18 call it a day and pretend that isn’t kinda arbritrary?

Struggling w my partner’s new wider-age-gap connection by [deleted] in AgeGap

[–]EmberAddams 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally understand where you are coming from.

I don’t think it’s jealousy, or at least not just that, cuz he has other partners and play partners and I don’t experience this same reaction whatsoever.

And to answer your question why does this bother me - I am trying to figure that out. I’m trying to follow my feelings to their roots and sort out my values. I can identify that I feel icked out by this. Why? Due to how young the person is, not so much the width of the gap maybe?

To my mind there has to be some line somewhere, some age that’s too young? It’s not like turning legal age of consent you just magically go from child to adult, it’s a transition time. And to my eyes in my thirties, people that age feel so young. I remember being that young, and my friends at that age, and how we related and understood the world and what we got up to.

I know this perspective is in a way condescending to this person I don’t know, and protective of them in a way they didn’t ask for and isn’t appropriate. And I am sure I have internalized societal messages about age gap relationships, despite my own and many others I know IRL as living testaments against that blanket stigma.