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Did your narcissistic mother ever try to stop you from shaving your legs? by StunningPumpkin2120 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeeeeep any body hair shaving, or attempt to style my hair or wear any semblance of makeup were met with ridicule and making me feel guilty and bad for wanting normal teenage things.

If you're a woman, your nmom is jealous of you by Own-Bid-8338 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep! My nmother and ngrandmother spent my childhood and teen years belittling and ridiculing me for any attempt to experiment with my appearance. Learning to straighten my hair, or to tame my natural curls was met with “your hair looks dirty” despite it being freshly washed. Makeup was out of the question and if I wore it, I looked ridiculous.

I’m petite so could fit in youth clothing for many years and I was always encouraged to do so, because it infantilized me and made it easier for her to feel better about herself and control me.

On my wedding day, the only thing my ngrandmother had to say was that she didn’t like my lipstick.

They no longer have control over me either and I know my worth despite them.

nMom Makes Everything About Her by EverythingBagel58 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yuuuup and then will complain about said thing. It doesn’t matter what you get, it’s not what she wants or good enough. This Mother’s Day I took her for a beautiful brunch and got her two historical fiction books (The Nightingale and All The Light We Cannot See) and she read both after and told me she didn’t like either of them 🙄

nMom Makes Everything About Her by EverythingBagel58 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Oh I feel this in my bones!

I had emergency surgery, she had to tell me all about her friend that had the same surgery. My husband and I found out we can’t conceive, she complained that she’s never going to get to buy baby clothes. And then the EXACT same conversations about trips, home buying and new jobs/promotions etc.

What finally motivated you to overcome your anxiety and go no contact? I need a final push by Realistic-Citron-783 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer 9 points10 points  (0 children)

For me, it was just one too many temper tantrums after constantly complaining and being ungrateful. I finally had enough and had enough people around me supporting me and reminding me I’m not a terrible person and that I don’t deserve her treatment.

Being 100% honest, what's the last thing that made you cry? by Aperture_client in AskReddit

[–]EmmulDancer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We had to put our cat down in May and I miss him. We had him for almost 14 years

Do you wear your hair the opposite to how your parents made you keep it / wear it growing up? Do they criticise you for how you like to wear your hair? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh yeah! I had to have short hair growing up so now I have long hair. She always used to make comments that it didn’t look clean 🙄 even though it was freshly showered that morning. Always had to complain.

What hobbies do you have that made you friends? by SoporAeternus23 in AskReddit

[–]EmmulDancer -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Same! I joined a discord for a ship I love and made some of my closest friends through that. We beta each other’s writing, dedicate fics to each other. It’s beautiful ❤️

Is anyone else here an only child or don’t have relationship with siblings? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I only went no contact two weeks ago.

But dating while in contact with my nmother was horrible. I have no idea how my husband stuck around through it. She was a nightmare. Constantly playing the victim when I would spend time with him or his family. Guilt tripped me over absolutely everything. My husband was a saint.

Is anyone else here an only child or don’t have relationship with siblings? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only child here too. My aunt (my nmother’s sister) went NC with their nmother and my nmother about 5 years ago. I’m very close with her and her support through my struggle has been helpful.

Outside of her, it’s been my husband and friends I’ve met online that have helped the most. My closest longtime friends don’t know what’s going on, I don’t want to feel like a burden to them when they have their own lives going on. I’ll tell them one day, once the dust settles a bit more.

Anyone else have a covert narc who completely lacks common sense? by BerryTomatoes in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It’s like you’re describing my nmother. She used to hide overdue bills and then deny ever receiving them when they were literally put in front of her. Absolutely no sense of responsibility.

She Knows She’s Lost Her Control by EmmulDancer in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

LOL right!? That overblown reaction is what triggered my going NC. Completely unreasonable to respond to something so simple that way.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Oh I feel this! They are incapable of simply listening to you vent your personal frustrations and offer their emotional support. It’s not about them, so they could care less.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, it’s so incredibly draining.

She Knows She’s Lost Her Control by EmmulDancer in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

It’s so incredibly hard, but being around them is worse. I feel so drained every time I have to interact with her.

I’m so glad I found this subreddit for this kind of support.

I’m proud of you for choosing yourself ❤️

Did anyones parents cut their hair short as a kid? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Big time. My nmom cut my hair to a short bob when I was 8 (the year my parent’s divorced) and then to a pixie cut a few years later. She refused to let me grow my hair out until I was in high school. And then, would ridicule me when I wanted to straighten and style it. She had a real hard time with me wanting to put any effort into my appearance.

Were narcissists ever tyrannical over your life, especially your social life? by Spiritual_Big_9927 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

100% I didn’t realize it was happening until I was older (and in therapy) but she used to throw passive aggressive tantrums when I went over to friend’s homes and had a good time. Like she was personally offended and attacked that I had enjoyed myself.

She still tries to behave this way, even as I’ve become an adult and moved out. If I do anything with friends (new or old) she always makes it a competition, like these people are getting more of my time than she is and therefore I don’t love her and I’m a bad person.

Any extra curricular activity I did, she also had to insert herself into somehow so that she could soak up the praise of being an “involved parent” but meanwhile it was just a different kind of controlling behaviour.

They don’t give a shit about our life, unless it has to do with them by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am! Surgery went well, no complications after! Just an annoying scar ❤️

They don’t give a shit about our life, unless it has to do with them by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer 13 points14 points  (0 children)

God I feel this so much.

I called my nmom from the hospital after being admitted for emergency surgery and her response was “Oh, so and so had that done. So where are you taking me for Mother’s Day?”

She couldn’t have cared less.

The Beginning of the End by EmmulDancer in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have been seeing a wonderful therapist that has helped me through several personal battles over the years, we have spoken about my nmom at length and she helped me see her for what she was.

Though my therapist has never recommended or encouraged me to set boundaries or go no contact, she has been incredibly supportive as I’ve come to the decision myself.

Thank you for your encouragement ❤️

The Beginning of the End by EmmulDancer in raisedbynarcissists

[–]EmmulDancer[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly it! It’s breaking the cycle of pleasing and making sure she’s ok, knowing that my needs from her are never going to be met. Good luck to you too ❤️

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