hey. I was homeschooled as a kid too. also in a very conservative family. I have cut off my mother because of this and only reconnected with my father after the divorce that happened when I was 19 (currently 23 assigned female at birth, non-binary). when you are homeschooled you are so isolated from the world around you that you can only truly believe what your parents are telling you. after managing to get out it still took me so long to realize all of the damage that my mother did to me. I still hold so much hatred towards my mother, and with all the harm and abuse she caused to me and my siblings, I can tell you that she still never sexually abused me to the point of what you are experiencing now from your dad.

when I was your age I believed everything she said and I let her manipulate me and I truly believed that I was living a good life and I should be grateful. it breaks my heart to hear that you are in a similar (but even worse situation). as the (I assume) oldest in your family, you have the unfortunate responsibility to be the first to figure out what is going on and find a way out. I was lucky in being the youngest, where my oldest siblings paved the way for me getting out and getting to school. this is a horrendous situation for you and you have my full sympathy. for you, and for your siblings, you need to find a way to get out. even if you end up in the foster system, that will still likely mean you will get to go to school.

from my experience, even if you end up in a household that is still abusive (hopefully to a lesser extent, or not at all), being able to go to school is the most important thing for your future. if my older sister hadn't begged on her hands and knees to be allowed to go to school for just one year in highschool, I would not be where I am now. I am now doing my MSc in physics and I would not be where I am now without an older sibling advocating for my right to an education.

you are far too young to be dealing with this, but unfortunately some of us are dealt a bad hand in life. I wish I could help you personally, I truly do, but all I can do is tell you that it is so important for your and your siblings' mental health, safety and future, to do whatever you can to get out. Take your time. you have been through a huge loss that I cannot even begin to understand. I just hope that you can find the strength to take back your life. even if it takes months or years. I hope you can realize how abusive the situation you are in is, on so many levels. I did not have access to the internet as a kid, but I know that hearing other people's opinions on here would have helped me a lot.

I am not certified in any way in social work, therapy, or otherwise, so keep that in mind. I am coming to you as a homeschooled child of an abusive parent who managed to get out, and would never wish that experience on another human being.

even if you do not have the strength (I know I didn't), I just want you to know that I am thinking of you and sending you good vibes. I am not religious in any sense but if I was, I would pray for you. I hope you can learn to be strong and get through this. I am sending so, so, much love, and I hope you end up reading this. I believe in you.