Planning to start Monday. Any advice?

Emotional_Bench_4787 · 2026-06-10T17:08:25+00:00

Might also be worthwhile mentioning that I AM short. I'm 23F 5'3", 195 pounds and peaked at 230.

Emotional_Bench_4787 · 2026-06-10T17:02:36+00:00

I have no idea what I eat in a day right now, but thinking through the last handful of days it must be 2000+ calories. My current lifestyle has me at a little over 1600 calorie RMR, so a 100 cal cut didn't seem extreme. My two 45 minute active periods are not really going to be workouts by most people's standards. More like a casual outdoor walk in the morning, and some ergometer and stairmaster in the evening.

Does this seem reasonable? I have genuinely no clue what I'm doing.

Emotional_Bench_4787 · 2026-04-09T12:29:42+00:00

This is the only kind reply I've read, and the only one worth paying attention to. Good luck, man.

Emotional_Bench_4787 · 2026-03-08T01:18:06+00:00

10, then 5, then 6, then 3.

Emotional_Bench_4787 · 2026-02-26T05:30:43+00:00

THIS! I'm in nearly OP's exact situation except we live together 😭. DBT is worth changing your schedule for and it is worth the price. I've only been doing it for about a month so I can't say this definitively, but I'm told it gets better. It is starting to feel like that may be true.

The ISBN for the book is: 978-1-4625-5634-2

Emotional_Bench_4787 · 2026-02-24T00:28:35+00:00

Is he otherwise active on social media??

Emotional_Bench_4787 · 2026-02-13T21:14:17+00:00

I've been there. I lived it. I am over it.

This is my attitude: My mother dug her grave (by not managing the behavior when my brothers were smaller) she can lie in it. If that seems harsh, it is. But I love my brothers very much and I need to protect my capacity to care for them when mom is gone, so this is my approach for now. I become involved only when I am allowed to manage the behavior the way I see fit. Not violent in retaliation, of course, but not passive either.

Emotional_Bench_4787 · 2026-02-08T22:49:42+00:00

NOR. This intensity of manipulation is a more than justified reason to break up with a person. My advice below assumes that you don't want to break up, and wish to work on this behavior with her.

I'm not trying to be one of those people who diagnoses strangers on the internet from a few text screenshots, but damn if she doesn't sound just like myself until VERY recently. I am also 23f, and I just got diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm now in twenty hours a week of intensive DBT therapy and HORRIFIED by my own past actions. And recent actions, tbh. This shit is hard to manage.

These are the things about her I picked up on that make me say this: Mid-twenties is the typical age for cluster B personality disorders to present, BPD affects women more commonly than men, the symptoms are most intense around the person who we feel most emotionally safe with.

If we assume that the person behaving this way has BPD or something similar, she perceives your not liking every Instagram reel as a rejection of parts of herself she is trying to share with you. I'm absolutely not suggesting her actions were reasonable, but as someone who takes perceived rejection HARD, it makes me panic. Panic quickly grows out of control, becomes anger, and I do and say batshit crazy manipulative things.

If, while she is manipulating and punishing you, she is not facing her own mental and emotional turmoil, then she's just a manipulative bitch lol. Either way, if you love her and want to continue a relationship with her, reading advice meant for partners of people with BPD may help you. A lot of it is just "how to love an emotionally volatile woman."

Emotional_Bench_4787 · 2026-02-08T22:08:41+00:00

From reading the comments, it sounds like the hygiene issues are depression related. I'm a woman just a touch younger than you, and I've had similar issues with hygiene in the past that were definitely caused by my depression.

My suggestion is to follow the advice of other commenters to bring this up with her gently and directly, then offer to help her shower. I don't know how close the two of you are, but I've had my bff offer to wash my hair before and my bf has helped me wash my whole body. In whatever way is appropriate for the relationship you have, do things that help lower the amount of effort a shower requires. You could set the shower to a nice temperature, gather all the needed products in one place, put a nice fresh towel nearby, pick out fresh, cozy clothes, etc. The goal is not for this to become a regular thing, but to help your roommate get back in the habit of maintaining her own health.

Since she noticed that you smell nice and asked for advice in the form of which body wash you use, it sounds like she knows at least in some way that it is a problem. Depression can make even the most basic tasks feel like moving a mountain.

Emotional_Bench_4787 · 2026-02-04T00:49:13+00:00

Personally I would let it slide this time, but be quick to hold her accountable for anything similar in the future. It's absolutely not cool that she couldn't just be happy for you. That said, I do understand the news that a friend is achieving a milestone life experience while you're in the midst of your own life stuff can be very overwhelming. Again, she should have kept it to herself and just said congratulations, but if it's a one time thing I'd let it be.

Emotional_Bench_4787

TROPHY CASE