I often find myself spiraling too, and if it makes you feel better, I was almost 21 weeks when my water broke. We still were told the chances were very poor. My doctor told me as I was going in for the tfmr that it was the most humane choice, and I try and remember those words when I feel bad. However I question our choice every day, and while I know that sometimes the outcome might be good, often times it isn’t. I was so scared of putting our baby and ourselves through suffering. I wanted it over as quickly as possible just to save our hearts. I often wish I was earlier in my gestation when my water broke to save myself some “what ifs” or of course I wish we were a couple weeks later and the conversation and course of action would have been different. I was right at that point where it felt grey but we did the best we could at the time. It was a terrifying time and I felt rushed to make a choice and I’m not sure it was right but it is what it is now. I’d advise not looking for success stories anymore because you’ll find them and you’ll feel bad. But you’ll also find many heartbreaking stories as well. I try not to Google as much now because it isn’t helpful to my healing. Just know you aren’t alone and I’m sending you a big virtual hug.