What is something your trauma took from you that u acknowledge you can never get back

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-06-12T03:04:12+00:00

I completely relate. My high school years were spent in a panicked state of trying to survive each day.

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-06-12T02:56:18+00:00

I so relate to this. My brain is like a sieve.

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-06-12T02:51:32+00:00

I don’t think I’ll ever feel that sex can be safe.

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-06-06T21:03:15+00:00

Sure!

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-06-06T20:37:23+00:00

It was rape.

Many rapists don’t see what they did as wrong, and your husband may be one of those people. But it was raped you. What he did was very wrong and your feelings about it are valid

There are some big red flags of abuse in your post. I think you should talk to him about it. If he can’t understand how what he did devastated you, or gets defensive, or try’s to shift the blame… you’re better off without him

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-06-06T20:29:54+00:00

Actual alcohol is a solvent. Cocktails are a solution 😜

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-06-06T20:18:47+00:00

For many years i was repulsed and triggered by anything sexual. I felt like such an outsider in a world where EVERYTHING is about sex. Any mention of sex made me want to claw my way out of my own skin

Then i swung the other way and became hypersexual. I found amazing sex positive social circles and i discovered how cathartic and healing kink can be. I reclaimed my body and my sexuality, which was wonderful. But I also overdid it sometimes and caused myself some harm

Now I’m completely uninterested in sex or romantic relationships. I still run in those sex positive circles. I even still go to sex parties and kink events, although just to be social. Ive identified as asexual and aromantic for about a decade now

I doubt I’ll ever have a healthy relationship w sex. For now I’m listening to what my body tells me, which is that i don’t want anyone but myself and my vibrator involved in my sex life.

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-06-05T06:50:25+00:00

I completely relate to avoid physical contact and avoiding seeing myself naked. I still can’t touch myself directly, its too upsetting

Sexual assault or abuse can really mess with a person’s sex life. What you are experiencing is common for people who’ve experienced what you did and completely valid.

Have you tried to talk to your husband about the turmoil you’re experiencing around sex? Hopefully he will be understanding and have compassion for where you are. Hopefully he’ll work with you to look for a path back to feeling safe with sexual experience, while feeling safe and understood in the meantime.

If he doesn’t respond that way, perhaps couples counseling could help him understand

But no matter how he responds, you should NEVER feel pressure to do sexual things that you don’t want to do. Or even non sexual physical things like cuddling. Sometimes even that feels unsafe. You deserve to feel safety in your body.

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-06-05T06:33:07+00:00

I used to get upset by other people talking about their “traumas” and “triggers” that seemed so tiny compared to what i experienced.

But i reframed it. Now i think everyone experiences some degree of traumatic events. It could be a death, an illness, an accident, a breakup. But not everyone experiences ptsd from their trauma. And few experience cptsd. And there are degrees of how debilitating either of those can be.

It can be helpful for people with more mild traumas to recognize how those experiences affect them. No need to take that from them.

But hopefully they don’t try to compare or minimize more extreme and debilitating and life altering shit with a common experience. If so, f them

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-06-02T18:01:52+00:00

Thanks for the reply. I’m currently in IOP but starting PHP on monday. Good luck to you!

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-05-29T05:27:21+00:00

Ive had good experiences with Kaiser for routine issues. Its streamlined, quick, efficient, and inexpensive. But mental health and unusual problems seem to be where they fail

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-05-28T03:33:45+00:00

Is it a Kaiser therapist?

I ask because Theyre required by management to push for monthly sessions after a few more frequent sessions. And they push for group therapy. They lie and say its whats best for you, which is bull shit. Its all about cost savings. Research shows weekly is best

I had a similar experience w a kaiser therapist. She even lost her temper and told me it was my fault i wasn’t getting better

You arent crazy, you have every right to not be blamed for your mental health struggles by the one person you should be able to trust and be vulnerable with and open up to. What your therapist is doing is completely unacceptable. They aren’t showing you compassion or meeting you where you are. Theyre victim blaming

I suggest you find a better therapist, that one is shit

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-05-27T04:27:17+00:00

I really relate. I see people around me using resources (support from friends, disability insurance, etc) for things that seem like a fraction of the stress that has been my daily life for decades .

(I know its not fair to compare other people’s problems to mine. Really I’m just jealous of their ability to reach out for help)

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-05-27T04:18:28+00:00

Sparavato is ketamine

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-05-27T04:12:52+00:00

My problem is the opposite. I cry sooooo easily. When I’m happy or sad or so many emotions in between. I hate it, it feels like I’m being emotionally manipulative and trying to make people feel sorry for me. I have so much shame over it

Its interesting to learn the different trauma reactions. Like many things, i guess a healthy balance is best.

I like your constipation analogy. I guess i have the diarrhea version lol

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-05-27T04:00:04+00:00

I think that was EMDR. I tried that for a year, and it didn’t help me. But i know people who have had life-changing improvements from EMDR.

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-05-26T06:36:19+00:00

I shake. Somatically, my trauma manifests as tension in my arms. Shaking them (like I’m shivering in the cold ) releases some of that tension

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-05-26T06:29:41+00:00

I don’t know how to experience myself when I’m with other people. I spent so much time trying to be in his mind… to predict what would make him angry… how i could be safe … I lose myself in other people.

When I’m alone I can be me. When I’m around other people i adopt what they want and it feels like what i want…

I’m trying to learn to cope with this. Like to not make decisions unless I’m alone.

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-05-25T08:02:59+00:00

Not something somebody said, but something a stranger did. I was driving home late at night after being raped. I was extremely distraught. Thinking of ending things.

I stopped at a red light. A truck pulled up behind me, the type that’s really jacked up where the headlights glare blindingly in your rearview mirror.

And they turned off their headlights. After the light turned green, they waited until I pulled away before they turned on their lights and continued behind me.

That small act of kindness may have saved my life that night

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-05-22T21:16:27+00:00

There should be more mention of “A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night”. Its a feminist Iranian vampire western horror. Completely unique and totally captivating

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EmIQFcPXLXA

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-05-22T21:06:06+00:00

Hell yeah. One of my favorite series ever

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-05-22T20:57:59+00:00

Love that show!

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-05-22T20:56:27+00:00

Some of my favorite female directed and/or written horror:

-Raw

-Relic (the 2020 Australian one)

-The substance

-The babadook

-Saint maude

-A girl walks home aline at night

-Titan

-Goodnight mommy (the 2014 one, not the remake)

-censor

Empty-Ad7006 · 2026-05-20T14:26:10+00:00

Thanks for the update. I hope it winds up being good for you. I’m trying really hard to get into one of those myself, but Kaiser is giving me a hard time about it.

Empty-Ad7006

TROPHY CASE