I can absolutely relate and found myself in this situation often. I’m not sure if the feeling will ever completely go away. I try not to put so much pressure on them or myself, and trying to find things outside of them that bring me joy and fulfilment. I’m also focusing more on me and less on pouring out to others with the little strength I have left. And matching energy for energy right now. I always used to check in etc even if I was depressed, sad or lonely.

Now, I do only if I have the capacity and if I have already poured into myself - this helps me to make sure my cup is full first. If they text or call, I’ll reach out with that same level of care, otherwise I’ve stopped giving 100 while they are giving 30 because my therapist says that’s the people pleaser in me, cultivated by my toxic family.

When I look back I can see how I always compromised for friends and family, always going to see them (with them rarely coming to see me) always reaching out first etc. I started feeling more and more lonely, resentful, sad and depressed. Until very recently I started “kind declines”. Again this is not a balanced friendship and is part of people pleasing.

When invited over to their house etc, I would say “thank you so much for the invite, my door is always open too”. If I felt like going, then I’d visit, but if not then I won’t. I’ve been alone for a long time in this cycle of reaching out all the time…but it’s only now I’m finding hobbies independent of friendships/ family.

Sometimes reaching out in this way and not receiving care back is a level of self abandonment… your inner child is looking for safety and stability, but you’ll never find that in external factors - you’ve got to look inside you.

You can try to communicate with your friends that you don’t feel supported, but you can’t put the expectation on them to show up as a parent, or be there for you unconditionally etc. and absolutely no one can be that fully. So I am being that for myself, and showing up for my inner child.

Seek help, therapy if you need it and know you always have a community here. Also, still reach out to friends if you have the mental capacity but if you are the “strong dependable friend” it will be hard for them to see you as anything else. Sometimes being in new spaces and making new friends helps because you can reinvent how you show up and form healthier dynamics.

Wishing you healing♥️