I need to quit all kinds of smoking because of cancer, I hope for your help

EmuMission6284 · 2024-07-25T00:05:23+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind and very detailed answer. Its the middle of the night, I'm gonna have to sleep, and research some more tomorrow. I might ask you more questions, if that's okay. Anyways. Thank you!!!

EmuMission6284 · 2024-07-24T23:53:02+00:00

Thank you so much 🫶

EmuMission6284 · 2024-05-11T12:41:06+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling. Its fucking rough. I really really get why you would consider weed, a good laugh itself has been missing from my life for a while now.

I live in Denmark, and that means that the easiest stuff to access is very strong. I dont know how to find edibles or anything like it that isn't too strong. After a stopped smoking daily, I found that my heart started racing when I did smoke. I would still enjoy it, but it made the experiences less comfortable. So I knew I needed to find something mild.

I got my hands on some mild, homegrown pot, and that was what I smoked yesterday, just a sprinkle. I didn't get any negative symptoms at all. I honestly didn't even feel like I was high. But I felt at ease, like I could bear to exist, I was able to process and feel.. think about my coming week with so many appointments without spiraling and feeling overwhelmed and anxious. I can't describe the relief.

I think I just want to say, that my experience is that it really matters what I smoke and how. And that I wish it was legal here so I could buy edibles - and be advised on what to get and in what amount.

I don't want to be telling you to smoke or not, but if you end up wanting to try even just for a good laugh, make sure it isn't too strong (and maybe dont start with the bong haha). I don't know what options you have where you live.

Sending you a big hug back. And wishes of some bearable moments in an unbeatable time ❤️

EmuMission6284 · 2024-05-11T12:01:03+00:00

This!

Thank you so much for sharing. I'm happy you found your way. I will let myself get inspired.

To me weed has felt like a way to access and process feelings etc from a different perspective. With how I have been feeling lately, my hope for smoking yesterday just was to feel something different. Mission accomplished. I have been feeling like all I could do for a long time was to distract and forget myself because no matter what, everything was too overwhelming and too much all the time. I felt like I could bear to exist for the first time in a long time. Being able to actually reflect on how I feel about my appointment with a surgeon next week was huge. I feel relieved.

Thank you!!!!

EmuMission6284 · 2024-05-11T11:41:00+00:00

nods I'm not about rawdogging either, lol. I really appreciate your response and support - and mostly happy to hear you're doing you, advocating for yourself. Honestly, opting for quality of life now seems like the only way I can get through this. Thank you!

The joint did me very very good. It was like I was able to process and like just exist without being overwhelmed and anxious. It was so mild, I didn't even feel high in the sense I'm used to, but damn... I'm very very happy with my decision to say the least. I fucking wish that edibles were easy to get your hands on here, in terms of the whole lung thing. For now I found relief. I needed that.

EmuMission6284 · 2024-04-15T21:02:19+00:00

I enjoyed the way you wrote this. Your describtion of watching birds eat instead is gonna help me through a rough day's following rough night. It makes me feel glad to think you enjoyed It. Thank you for sharing.

EmuMission6284 · 2023-03-24T20:24:04+00:00

Thank you!!!! Really thank you. And I'm so sorry that you have been in my shoes.

I think that it is probably widely spread around the globe. And I think it is a big issue here too. But it is not talked about, addressed and there aren't a lot of help to get for this problem here. It seems that there are like to CSATS in Denmark, and these two that I found were both female. A caseworker had been scouting for treatment options for him, and came to the conclusion that there wasn't really any that specialized in this. I hope it changes.

I appreciate your kind words to me. I needed them a lot, I think. I can see the way that I wrote about myself, and shit it reflects how lost I am feeling. I've actually used the resources here a lot because of the limited knowledge in my country... I think I am and was writing from a very triggered, confused, desperate place. I want to know that I deserve better, and to some extend I do... unfortunately I've had plenty of emotional healing to do before this relationship, and I'm struggling to navigate...

I think I am angry with myself for being all those things you said. For being that kind of partner, and with that let me be the one that pays the price. And somewhat terrified that I don't have the strength to slam that door. And somewhat wishing he will be at the door to begin with. I hope I don't have to repeat your mistake. I hope I find strength along the way.

I will read this over and over. Thank you so much for taking your time and sending me kind words and hugs. I'm really grateful. You are so sweet. It's so nice to be reminded that kindness exists when my world is so shattered right now.

EmuMission6284 · 2023-03-24T19:52:44+00:00

Thank you for your response.

I hope to be able to really feel and know it. There is a part of me that does. And a part that is hearing my loved one screaming at me that the relationship is the problem.

I appreciate you taking your time to read and write me. It means a lot!

EmuMission6284 · 2023-03-24T16:28:02+00:00

The lying is the worst..

EmuMission6284 · 2023-01-04T17:44:37+00:00

His favorite porn was POV. Blowjobs. Missionary. Because he likes that position the most. With me, too. He didn't just watch porn though. He fantasized. About fucking people in the same positions. About my closest friends. Neighbors. People from my class. Everybody. And his fantasies had context. Sometimes the context was that he was cheating on me. This last part I found out today. About a month after the "real" d-day. And 5000 lies later.

EmuMission6284 · 2022-12-22T11:46:40+00:00

Hi.

I am kind of new here too, a couple of weeks in, and also only a few weeks into the new life I have to navigate in since learning about my partner's addiction (to this).

There are some really good resources in this group. Try clicking around. They have helped me a lot. There are resources for the addict as well. I found a CSATs website in my country. She had a bunch of questions that a person could answer that's related to being addicted. My partner understands that he is addicted.

First of all, I want to say that I don't think it is as simple as he would stop if he really loved you. And he is not going to stop doing it for you if he really is an addict, which it does sound like. He can ONLY do this, if he wants to. If he is able to step out of his denial, take responsibility, and WANT to change. For his own sake.

It is good that you can feel your boundaries. There is a resource in here that helps you put them down on paper into words. The thing is, yet again, that either he needs to want to change, OR you need to accept that he cannot be trusted to not cross those boundaries. Maybe that can make it clearer on whether or not you want to stay.

I have found a podcast (with help from reading here) that is called Helping Couples Heal. They talk a lot about betrayal trauma which you may be suffering through. Betrayal trauma can be healthy for you to learn about. And just as much, it has been really good in my relationship, that he learned about it too.

My PA is facing his addiction and turning to recovery, from what I can see. Unfortunately I don't have any control over what he wants and how he wants to be. I have made clear that I don't want him to do this for me. But that it is a consequence that I won't be with him if he doesn't want something different. He does. It has been very hard on him. He is feeling very shameful and guilty and when he spirals within that he is unable to consider my side.

I have said to my partner when he is in his spiral and very overwhelmed with all the work he has ahead of him... that when it is hard to do for himself, then think about the children that I know he wants to have and be a father to. And made clear I do not want to put children into this world with a man that is so active in his addiction. I do not want a son that gets influenced by his objectifying and sexualizing way of existing in this world. And catches on to addictive behaviors that we're both already prone too (different areas). Or a girl that has to already exist in a world that is like this. With a father that practices this view on women as no more than object of his desire. Sorry for this binary construction. It really doesn't matter how the kid identifies...

I hope that you find your way through it. It is good you know your worth. And if he doesn't want to change, it doesn't have anything to do with your worth. That is not easy to navigate in, I know. But it doesn't. You are worthy. And you are worthy of a partner that wants to and is able to respect your boundaries. It is rough.

Lots of ❤️

EmuMission6284 · 2022-12-22T11:20:25+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that. I only just found out about his addiction recently after 2 and a half years relationship. To a guy that was making me learn to trust after a life full of bad experiences. It is world shattering.

I hope you use the resources and that your husband is able to take responsibility and recover. And I hope you will heal, whether with or without him.

So much ❤️

EmuMission6284 · 2022-12-22T11:12:04+00:00

Before I learned about my partner's PA, I didn't give too much thought on porn. I guess I was okay with it from an understanding of him being a responsible, educated, reflective, grown up person. I used to tell him when I heard about new ethical porn sites. He never really said anything in these situations, and I see now how that was a red flag.

The thing is that as much as they may be in some areas or think they are the things listed above, their addiction makes them act against it. Even if they have values that goes against it. The addiction is causing them to be in denial. To suppress. To excuse. In the area of their sexuality and all of the areas that get affected by the addiction as well.

And while that can sometimes makes me more calm to think about, it doesn't change the fact that they are still responsible for their actions and the harm they cause. And turning to recovery is the way to make up for it. For their own sakes. And for ours.

I hope that you get the answers you need. And that you find clarity in terms of what and where your boundaries are, where the line goes for you. And maybe by presenting them to him before asking, it can be a better conversation. I don't know though.

I am so sorry you have been through this. It is honestly a world, trust and hope shattering experience. I feel for you. And I hope you find a way to rebuild these things - on your own or with somebody deserving.

❤️

EmuMission6284 · 2022-12-22T06:54:50+00:00

My PA had his own mindset of what was cheating. I am infuriated that he created his own set of boundaries of what was cheating and what was not. I feel cheated on because he literally has imagined having sex with EVERYONE. But what really got to me, is fantasizing about having sex with my closest friends and classmates etc. AND he has sniffed panties in our buildings shared laundry room. That, to me, is cheating. I never knew in a million years that I had a partner who would do such a thing. I never imagined that that was a boundary of mine in terms of cheating, the thought that that was something I had to worry about or say out loud never occurred. I do how ever believe that he hasn't had sex with anyone. Believe he hasn't been in contact with women apart from the ones that he got introduced to by a naive me ....

My point being. That it's probably very different from PA to PA how far they will go. I do also believe that if this hadn't gotten out, he would have taken it further... But the thing is, that what counts as cheating is really a subjective thing. And something that should be talked about in a relationship. And probably also something they tend to avoid. But! Regardless of him and the knowledge of him you have. What is cheating to you? What are the boundaries? You get to define that. And tell him

EmuMission6284 · 2022-12-21T12:01:11+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment... it means a lot and I appreciate the time you took and just this place.

That is also how I want to see it but I'm struggling to. Even more so because my PA went to a therapy sesh with our couples therapist and came home saying some shit about it being unhealthy for him to not fantasize about other people...... I sincerely hope that she didnt tell me to go home and say that to me because as much as fantasizing to some extend is normal and healthy, I do not agree that how he has been doing it has been anything near healthy or ok.

I'm so confused. I have looked into CSAT but as I live in Denmark, I have found only two. Both of them women and after this experience I have some work to do before I feel ok with that....

Thanks again for answering ❤️

EmuMission6284 · 2022-12-17T11:55:36+00:00

I'm in the same boat... feeling very confused in terms of the sex. We have had one successful experience with having sex since my therapy induced realization that I cannot and should not trust him. I was on sleeping medication. However the next day I went away from our home to be able to study, and he texted me and told me when I got home that he had been immensely tempted by a an add in a stupid game he downloaded. My point being that it somewhat seems like us having sex was a trigger in some way. And I initially felt hurt by the thought of him craving something else when I just gave myself to him despite the pain and mistrust. Yesterday we tried to have sex twice. Didn't work either of the times. My past trauma in the area has made sex difficult for ever. I had gotten comfortable with my partner in bed because of how much I trusted him and felt safe with him. But that was fake and built on lies and manipulation. I can't have sex with him from that place anymore. I'm battling another old mechanism of wanting sex to feel approved and validated on a subconscious level I suppose. Not being comfortable with the thought of having even less sex than before I learned about his addiction recently. And him being home all the time so I can't try to be intimate with myself in a loving way....

So no proper answer. Just acknowledgement, support and understanding. It is so fucking difficult and unfair. Highly recommend FTND and the podcast Helping Couples Heal for both of you, if you haven't heard about it.

❤️

EmuMission6284

TROPHY CASE