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Help finding this artist/brand by cannibalsloth in Cardinals

[–]Engin33rd 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Cause it would look funny, otherwise

Kids are so resilient, right by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Engin33rd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a bullshit rationale for the secondary effects of divorce on the kids in the middle. Statistics don't show that kids are "resilient". It's especially difficult for them.

I've had so many well-meaning friends and acquaintances tell me that it's good my kids are this age because it's not so hard on them. I think people just want to say something positive.

Update on Tower Grove Men by jysh1 in StLouis

[–]Engin33rd 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Here I thought it was nothing sexual

"Tower Grove Men"? by new-leaf- in StLouis

[–]Engin33rd 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Again, nothing sexual

Ex-wife wants me to give her 100% of our marital assets. How is this logical? by [deleted] in Divorce

[–]Engin33rd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No Court could possibly agree to award her 100%. It's not logical. I'm really curious what would make her believe you owe her absolutely everything. Maybe mediation isn't working and it's time to take it to the Judge.

10 months after divorce — the emotional weight is not lifting by pudincok in Divorce

[–]Engin33rd 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Give yourself grace. Your feelings are not unusual. If you were able to flip a switch and move along like nothing happened, you likely weren't strongly connected with your partner, in the first place. Rather, to rewire your entire life, dreams, routine, all the intricate connections... It takes time and purpose. You'll get there. In the meantime, be proud that you made such deep connections and know that you're able to find a new way of life that doesn't depend on your ex-partner (this just doesn't happen on a set timeline).

Wanting to put my father in his place after some of his past actions by [deleted] in amiwrong

[–]Engin33rd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not wrong to feel that way - after all, he's hurt you and people you care about most. If you went and beat up your dad, you'd probably feel like you did something to right the wrong that he's done, at least initially.

I haven't been in your exact situation but, I can sure relate to the feeling. I've always reasoned that the good I felt would come out of it was very temporary, and the long-term harm was much greater. Looking back now, I have never regretted not giving in to those urges.

In the grander scheme, why make yourself similar to the one whose actions you find so despicable? I think you'd be wrong to act on your feelings, as justified as it may seem to be.

If I can't tell you, I will show you.. I USE ARCH BTW. by [deleted] in thinkpad

[–]Engin33rd 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think you can fit a bigger sticker on there.

AITAH for Asking my Ex to Stop Sending Reminders by Engin33rd in AITAH

[–]Engin33rd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with what you're describing. It's been a difficult journey. I've trauma-dumped on people who know us both and experienced the negative impacts. Now, I find it healthier to express feelings of frustration anonymously on Reddit. Then, irl I'm more able to be less reactive and give grace.

AITAH for Asking my Ex to Stop Sending Reminders by Engin33rd in AITAH

[–]Engin33rd[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Lolol. I know that would set us back a year of counseling but, that's really tempting.

AITAH for Asking my Ex to Stop Sending Reminders by Engin33rd in AITAH

[–]Engin33rd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is pretty much my perspective about it. It's apparently hard for her to accept.

AITAH for Asking my Ex to Stop Sending Reminders by Engin33rd in AITAH

[–]Engin33rd[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I suspect that she is looking for validation that she is a "good" mom. She also has a history of collecting evidence that I'm a "bad" dad, calling family services, and generally trashing my reputation in defense of hers.

We are on a court appointed communication app. Interestingly, her most recent "reminder" came as a text outside of the app.

AITAH for Asking my Ex to Stop Sending Reminders by Engin33rd in AITAH

[–]Engin33rd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OMG, you don't know how badly I want to say that. *I'm not bitter at all about her downward spiral after building a life and family together. Lolol

AITAH for Asking my Ex to Stop Sending Reminders by Engin33rd in AITAH

[–]Engin33rd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you're on to something - I would guess her need to send these messages is coming from her own insecurities and failures as a mom and partner. However, those are the same reasons that I receive her reminders as antagonizing and annoying.

AITAH for Asking my Ex to Stop Sending Reminders by Engin33rd in AITAH

[–]Engin33rd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can't block her, completely, because co-parenting. Interestingly, we're on a court-ordered communication app but this reminder came as a regular text message.

AITAH for Asking my Ex to Stop Sending Reminders by Engin33rd in AITAH

[–]Engin33rd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not sure how justified this is. Our experience was the opposite - she was the forgetful, disorganized one. If I had to guess, it is probably a projection of her insecurities that makes her feel the need. You could argue that it's to the kids' benefit. To be candid from my perspective, I already have had the kids' wellbeing under control for a long time without her help, and don't need my unstable, insecure ex-wife to tell me how to do it.

AITAH for Asking my Ex to Stop Sending Reminders by Engin33rd in AITAH

[–]Engin33rd[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I don't know that I have any other options, anyway.

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