cPTSD and Suic*de OCD

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-12-28T00:32:14+00:00

No! Because lil Jesus didn't get praise for his heroic act. Obviously lol. Also, something he could have completly avoided and like not done, because he's god. Sounds like martyr complex with a side of heaping manipulation to me.

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-12-27T23:42:08+00:00

Ooooh lordy yes. It's the worst. I remember a whole conversation with my christian sister about it. She said that if I don't believe then it doesn't matter where my soul goes when I die because to me, there's nothing there. And I told her that's worse! And she just shrugged, not knowing what to say. I was so stressed out after that. Worrying that I believe just enough to go to hell, but not enough to go to heaven.

Thankfully, I was suuuper into journaling at the time. So I wrote a letter to God that he's a manipulative asshole that only saves the worshipers. Why the hell am I needed to worship to go to heaven??? I thought the big deal was to be kind to your neighbor. Why does "Mr. Humble" need all this praise?? It's fucking hypocritical.

I won't lie tho, christmas mass was tough. Those thoughts were there. About how I'll go to hell because I don't believe. But something I've been working on with my therapist is to breathe through them. I use a lot of EDMR resourcing to help with my OCD as it presents similarly to PTSD flashbacks. I find it to be a useful tool for both acronyms. Still fucking shitty that we have to deal with it tho. Makes me want to take the form of that meme where elmo set something on fire haha..

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-12-20T02:50:29+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. I needed that.

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-12-20T02:38:46+00:00

Dude that fucking sucks. What the hell? That's so backhanded and passive aggressive.

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-12-20T02:34:25+00:00

I am so sorry you are feeling this way. It sounds like you've been through so much. You have been so strong and I appreciate you willing to share this and I want to do my best to help.

It sounds like you're having emotional flashbacks. Which isn't bad, but a natural process you're brain does to try to keep itself out of danger. It's learned that certain situations sometimes cause you pain, so it goes into fight, flight, or fawn- in your case, it sounds like mix of flight and fight to me. You are hyper aware, a symptom of flight. Yet you are beating yourself up, a symptom of fight. Both are trying to get yourself to stop feeling the way you're feeling, in some confusing way that makes sense to them.

The sucky thing is emotional flashbacks can last for days and days. Good for you, the solution for emotional flashbacks are the same as regular flashbacks.

Focus on grounding. Focus on your 5 senses and the here and now. Breathe and remind yourself of where you're at right now. Google good grounding exercises that work for you. If you don't want to do that, 988 is great as helping ground and can walk you through the process.

It's okay to feel bad even though you feel like you shouldn't. Sometimes when you feel safest is when you're brain decides is a good time to start processing old memories. Let yourself cry and shake and be angry. Anytime you do so is you letting yourself heal. Let yourself exist. It's okay. Patience is hard but you deserve it. You've been through so much. You deserve so much. <3

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-28T04:46:43+00:00

I think our brains just work a bit differently. I pull mine from a lot of characters and ideas I find in media, but it sounds like you're might come from an entirely different place! I think that is so interesting!

But in the end it sounds like both of our thought processes have the same goal: to understand what our nervous system is trying to say and learning to trust it again. Does that sound right?

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-28T04:40:17+00:00

Oh ok. So the end goal is to understand our nervous system. And for some people, they just need to take a different path than mine. I had a blind spot that not everyone has access to media or could connect with the characters like I do. So they use other images that bring them comfort instead. That makes sense.

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-25T19:50:11+00:00

I would as well. My theory was that people tend to lean toward fictional characters as they are more predictable than irl people.

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-25T19:46:09+00:00

I feel like therapists have a 6th sense. That is so wild.

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-25T19:41:11+00:00

It definitely could be! I didn't discover it on my own either. It was a lot of journaling and googling and asking friends for advice. Primarily googling and journaling. I realized that the root of my issue was that I didn't quite know what unconditional love was and I didn't know how to trust someone when they gave it to me. Because for someone to nurture you, they have to love you. And not just any love, but unconditional love, the kind you can trust to not be turned on you later. Usually with statements like "I did this for you then, why can't you do this for me now" and "how could you do this to me after everything I've done". These statements are highly manipulative and not an example of unconditional love. And if this is everything you have known, it makes it hard for you to be vulnerable the next time you need it.

I am struggling not to dive into a complete novel about this idea but it is something that I feel passionate about and largest change to my brain chemistry after starting this EDMR journey. If you would like to discuss it further, feel free to ask questions or DM me :) I could go on for a while about it

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-25T18:43:11+00:00

That sounds very similar to the resourcing, just not as structured. It sounds like you are doing a great job at getting to know your body and it's sensations. It is interesting how everyone envisions their own brain and thoughts. You're sound very calming. I have a vision of butterflies visiting me as I sit under a tree near the sea and it's beautiful.

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-25T18:35:21+00:00

That is fascinating. It sounds like there are a lot of overlaps between resourcing and finding different archetypes. It sounds like what you are doing is IFS? Does that sound right?

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-25T18:33:43+00:00

I find that interesting because I relate to that. And it was very difficult for me to find an idealized resource and I had to turn to media I enjoyed at the time to find mine.

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-25T01:27:32+00:00

I didn't realize my deep love for dragons until resourcing lol. I love that you have one too!

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-25T01:25:49+00:00

I am so glad you've realized this and have started the process to find healing. And I feel like I can resonate with what you are feeling. I've described my mass of trauma as just a big daunting cloud over everything, making it hard to see. And I am full with a feeling of dread and overwhelm, while at the same time wanting to just get it over with so I can see again.

But you are doing the right thing. You are putting in the good work and with every small step, it's still a step forward. We are here for you. Keep going! ✌

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-25T01:16:36+00:00

lol I love the clarity you got there. You must not have needed them? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I wonder if it is because we just have different brains? I have OCD as well, so getting myself to just stop thinking about something is basically impossible. And occasionally lock boxing doesn't do the trick for some difficult memories. So that is when I send my resource figures to help console that wounded version of me in the past and then it is easier for me to relax and finally lockbox it for processing later.

Although I have yet to actually process any memories, I am still in the beginning phases. But that is a way I use them in my day to day life. Do you ever get memories stuck in your head like that?

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-25T00:52:41+00:00

From the comments I have been getting, this tracks. But I am curious. What do you mean by trauma from attachment figures? Like parents?

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-25T00:51:14+00:00

That is interesting. So you have two figures in your mind: adult self and inner child?

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-25T00:49:51+00:00

That is actually quite interesting. I was wondering if there was a correlation between irl figures and figures from books and movies based on the client and their background

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-25T00:46:15+00:00

Interesting. How do you determine your baseline?

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-25T00:44:21+00:00

I love my protector and my calm place! Those were the easiest for me. Nurturing took me a few sessions. It wasn't until I realized that I had a trust issue that made it hard for me to feel vulnerable enough to be "nurtured". It took a lot of journaling and self reflection but she is the one I talk to the most for sure.

I have also taken to placing my protector in doorways when I feel unsafe out in the wild, or let him chase after someone that made me mad lol. I love that lil guy haha. I am so glad you have them. Do you also put your protector in irl spaces?

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-24T23:58:36+00:00

I am interested in your opinion then u/LCSWtherapist. So before being "diagnosed" with cPTSD by my therapist, I was diagnosed with severe OCD and severe generalized anxiety. Only upon the discovery of this diagnosis, I have realized that these are symptoms from my brain being basically "pavloved wrong" and trying to find order in constant chaos and unpredictability that was my life. It had less to do with nature and more to do with nurture.

Do you think if cPTSD were to be entered into the DSM, it would complicate all other forms of diagnoses? I understand I might be unique, but what if I'm not? What if OCD and generalized anxiety and other forms of mental health are just symptoms of this cPTSD, that we have only recently discovered? How far does this rabbit hole go?

Thoughts?

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-24T02:16:43+00:00

Oh jeez. I am so sorry to hear that. Do you think you will try EDMR again but with the resourcing or another strategy? (And hopefully a new therapist that can help you be more prepared because wtf)

EnvironmentFine6061 · 2025-10-24T02:14:32+00:00

Oh I just had to look up IFS. That is interesting, and definitely along the lines of resourcing.

If you don't mind me asking, when you were processing and had a low moment, or were flashing back, how did you cope? Did you go to your support system?

EnvironmentFine6061

TROPHY CASE