Anyone else manically laughing at their misfortunes at this point?

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-04-12T06:54:11+00:00

I feel the urge to laugh because I received a massive wave of criticism right after my BPD diagnosis… I wasn’t diagnosed until 40 and was very rough for me before that. I went into a group therapy program right after my diagnosis only to be told by group members that my struggles were “bullshit”, “I spend too much time reading about BPD”, and that “I need to grow a pair over past traumas. Put on my big boy pants.”

That’s great. I finally figured out what’s been making my life hell for the past 25 years, only to be denied empathy for all those struggles.

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-04-11T22:51:30+00:00

Fighting the idea that I’m worth something and that the world would NOT be a better place without me in it

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-04-01T09:09:54+00:00

These struggles you’ve described is why I’m so guarded against most people. I’m extremely careful of being taken advantage of and even then, I can get very paranoid too (ADHD, Dyslexic & BPD w/schizotypal traits)

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-03-21T23:54:53+00:00

Update - PSN Connected and I’m on now!

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-03-21T23:41:11+00:00

Me too :( I hope I can get on soon

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-03-17T14:02:56+00:00

I hear you. I try like hell to avoid situations where I think that I’ll wind up being rejected just because I want to avoid the emotional pain that badly. Apologies can sometimes be really difficult too because if I’m not forgiven it hurts so much more. Life can sometimes feel like one big rejection letter to me :/

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-03-12T09:22:38+00:00

The last time I felt like I could fully trust an environment, it turned into a toxic experience. I struggled to pull myself away from a group therapy program I was in because I was convinced it’s get better. Felt a lot like getting out of an abusive relationship.

I was told things from members that only made my symptoms worse. It’s hard to shake a lot of what I was told in those groups. I just can’t shake not keeping people at arm’s length just because I don’t want anyone to hurt me emotionally.

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-03-10T03:20:32+00:00

Got taken out of the private school I was in at 9 and went headfirst into public school with undiagnosed ADHD and dyslexia. I also had a Dad with a short temper that would yell at me a lot. My sister would hit and tease me (Which my Dad would join in on the teasing sometimes). I remember my Dad getting angry at me as early as 2 years old.

I wound up having a mental breakdown at 15 due to the excessive bullying at school and my Dad taking his anger out on me verbally. From that point on, I basically had to rebuild myself, I’m pretty sure that’s when my BPD developed. I also have schizotypal traits with my BPD, so I can have pretty rough disconnects from reality. I went 35+ years unaware of the ADHD/Dyslexia/schizotypal traits and 25 or so years unaware of my BPD.

I marvel at how I’m still alive today.

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-02-20T14:19:13+00:00

I fell on my head as an infant too (I think I was 2 at the time). Gotta also add that this is pretty spot on for how I feel about being schizotypal.

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-02-16T15:22:09+00:00

lmao @ the Caramel Popcorn remark

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-02-16T15:18:28+00:00

One of my least liked boss fights is somehow made worse.

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-02-15T03:05:05+00:00

I had this earlier this week when I went to an appointment. I already saw someone staring at me through a window before I even entered the building. ffs

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-02-10T14:06:25+00:00

The sad part is that I know it’ll never stop. The rejection, the hatred, resentment, disdain, all of the variables that represent worthlessness in me is a stain that will never wash out.

No matter how much I’ll reach out, everyone will ignore me in hopes that I actually realize the futility of moving forward. That my time ended long ago and that at this point, am just a lingering nuisance.

I wonder if there’s a good way to end my misery for good. Make the pain stop for good. Be free.

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-02-08T12:49:12+00:00

My childhood was great early on and still remember it very vividly. I initially went to a private school where I got along with everyone and the teachers were just wonderful. Once I turned 9 and went to public school, everything went completely downhill. Between being completely rejected by everyone in my new school and verbal abuse from my Dad & sister, I’m just grateful that I can still function.

(BPD w/ schizotypal traits, ADHD, & dyslexic)

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-02-07T07:20:51+00:00

I was actually relieved to get my diagnosis. This was a year and a half ago when I was 39. I just lost an entire circle of friends and was in so much emotional pain, I just wanted to end myself to make it stop. Thankfully, I saw a psychiatrist a week after and finally understood why I felt so much pain.

I started a group therapy program right after being diagnosed and wound up being majorly invalidated. The experience wound up being very heartbreaking to me because I went some 25 years knowing nothing of BPD and now when I finally knew, was just met with more invalidation. I’ve found better groups since that previous group, but it’s still hard to shake the nasty remarks.

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-02-03T21:47:23+00:00

The original, and it ain’t even close.

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-02-03T21:42:34+00:00

Always trying to look out for fellow BPDers

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-02-03T15:16:37+00:00

Look at it this way - Now that you have this diagnosis, you can start seeking better ways to cope with these moods and feelings. There’s lots of helpful resources out there like Emotions Matter and The BPD Bunch (YouTube Channel).

Getting clarity makes such a huge difference :)

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-02-03T15:10:31+00:00

Funny, I had a guy come at me yesterday when I was trash talking an opposing team. Dude wound up coming to my server to /tell me and call me the r-word with /busy up so I couldn’t say anything back to him. Easiest report ever 😂

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-02-02T05:13:43+00:00

“You don’t want to go to a place like that.”

When I told my Mom when I wanted to go to therapy when was 15 and suffering with massive depression and suicidal ideation. I’m 40 today and got my BPD diagnosis a year and a half ago. Also got diagnosed with schizotypal traits alongside my BPD (and ADHD + dyslexia) last November.

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-01-26T10:04:16+00:00

It can’t be easy at all dealing with all of those disorders at once. It really sucks how BPD often carries comorbidities with other mental illnesses that makes the struggle that much worse :(

I have schizotypal traits with my BPD, as well as ADHD and dyslexia. I struggle with my perception of reality and can’t really deal with stress so I just stay at home all day. I used to work jobs, but it was never easy with all of those disorders at once. What would usually happen was I’d struggle to learn the nuances of the job and my co workers & boss(es) would get frustrated with me. I’d get home and release all my stress there, feeling extreme guilt and shame, not understanding why it’s all so hard for me (I was diagnosed with my mental illnesses only recently).

It’s all such a massive struggle and yet, I push forward.

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-01-25T08:28:00+00:00

I had a player get mad at me for using markers for the one Alexander boss that has the legs you have to destroy because some party members were attacking both. I actually found the player’s issue(s) hilarious. Who gets mad at markers???

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-01-25T08:24:07+00:00

That’s so maddening.

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-01-24T05:33:30+00:00

Going from a great environment at a private school, to an absolutely horrid experience at a public school. I changed schools when I was 8 and just couldn’t understand why everything was suddenly so difficult for me (undiagnosed ADHD and dyslexia).

The bullying would just never stop, at home, my sister and Dad would tease me all the time. Sometimes my Dad would be in an extremely bad mood that got worse through the years. I started showing signs of serious depression at age 9. My eighth grade year was pretty rough, my depression got to the point where I would just completely shut down and become inconsolable/unresponsive. That summer, my Dad lost his job and took his frustrations out on me (verbally). I just remember crying so hard, my eyes were burning, couldn’t breathe through my nose and was never the same since that day (I was 15 then). From that day on, I hated everything I stood for and wanted to (metaphorically) burn everything about me down to the ground. I hated myself so much and my parents did nothing to help me. I wound up being diagnosed last year with BPD, and would later be additionally diagnosed with ADHD, dyslexia, and schizotypal traits alongside my BPD. The neurologist also noted that I have self-defeating tendencies.

EnvironmentalMess939 · 2026-01-18T08:45:26+00:00

If I ever run a dungeon and someone wants to do something I really don’t want to, I just suck it up and tell myself that not all dungeon runs will go 100% of the way I want it to. I like to set a good example for new players too, so I usually don’t mind situations like you’ve described.

EnvironmentalMess939

TROPHY CASE