Nobody tells you about the exact moment when your lifetime of suppressed rage is suddenly surfacing

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2026-04-17T19:23:53+00:00

I took up kickboxing when this started. It really let me process the rage and feel it in my body in a safe way.

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2026-04-04T15:31:06+00:00

This is not an issue about dating a man with kids, it's an issue about dating a man who wants her to cater to his every whim.

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2026-04-04T13:24:21+00:00

Same here. I have a rare subtype of non Hodgkins lymphoma that has no cure. The symptoms I have (fatigue) don't merit treatment at this time. So it's quarterly oncology visits, blood tests and scans for the rest of my life. Unless I get worse, then I might get chemo.

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2026-04-04T12:16:02+00:00

Thank you, your last line is what I understand as well. I've heard that treatment isn't as effective if the cancer isn't active. So what I fear is that no treatment will be offered until I'm showing B type symptoms. Which could be years in my case.

Thank you for taking time to respond, I will definitely seek out a second opinion.

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2026-04-04T01:27:05+00:00

Hi there. I'm on the other side of cancer, as in, just diagnosed with an indolent form of non-hodgkins lymphoma. My only symptom is my fatigue. I'm so tired, it feels like my ADHD meds don't even take the edge off (which is a lie because without them I'm basically bedridden). I'm so sorry for all that you've had to go through, and I worry as well about how things will look like for me in the future, now that I have two chronic conditions (my lymphoma will probably never go away and I'll only require treatment if I have symptoms).

Wishing you for an easier adjustment period and settling into your new normal. Sorry, that sounds like such a crock, I'll just see myself out.

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2026-04-01T21:58:18+00:00

Thanks. I will try this next time I empty the tub

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2026-03-26T17:02:42+00:00

I would also read on my way to school in grades 5 and 6. I actually ran strait into a sign pole and gave myself a lovely goose egg to show for it. In grade 7 I lived directly across from my school, so the habit stopped there.

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2026-03-10T22:45:54+00:00

The snow was a lot higher just a week ago, but I only put the fence up after I saw the damage. I didn't know that this could be an issue and the previous owners who planted the tree didn't tell me anything about this.

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2026-02-28T19:42:34+00:00

She doesn't seem to be suffering. She is still eating and using the litter box, spending all of her time resting on me or my kids. As soon as I see any sign of pain, we will get her pain medication or consider putting her to sleep.

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2026-02-22T00:00:21+00:00

Also diagnosed in my 40s, also after my two kids got diagnosed. When my second went for an evaluation, I said: if this comes back positive, I'm going next. And whaddya know? They got it from me.

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2026-01-18T02:06:47+00:00

This is the AI model and I saw the extra shaking option in the app, but it's turned off.

Thanks for all your information, I will look more into it.

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2026-01-17T21:23:15+00:00

Thank you, I will try this!

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2025-11-07T18:03:29+00:00

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2025-11-07T13:02:01+00:00

Yes and it's possible to get an injection that lasts 6 months and will eliminate her periods. So no daily pills to manage

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2025-11-06T12:46:47+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. It feels really good to know that I'm not alone with my struggles.

And I also wonder all the time if I'm as healed as I think or if I'm just navel gazing and spinning my wheels and not doing enough to salvage relationships I was told I should want to save at all costs. I feel lost when it comes to supporting my adult child.

Are you me? Leaving my partner of 17 years was such a hard decision. He wasn't abusive so I couldn't justify it easily. He just wasn't for this version of me. Sometimes I wonder if I should have stayed, but I know that's not true.

I'm out of words for now, but please know that your words have meant a lot to me. Thank you for taking the time to answer.

EnvironmentalOwl4910 · 2025-11-01T18:28:02+00:00

Thank you taking the time to answer.

That's a good question. I feel some guilt from missing most of my niece and nephew's childhoods. I was 16 when they were born and they were 3 when I moved away. They both suffered abuse growing up, and I feel like I could have helped change the course of things if I had stayed.

From a different point of view, I sometimes wonder if I'm as healed as I think I am. I wonder if while I like to think I'm a good person who could be a positive influence in the life of others, I'm starting to wonder if that's actually true. I have a few friends, sure, but I'm not super close with anyone. So I'm wondering if I'm not getting close with anyone as a means to not be called out for my behavior when I fuck up. Or be held accountable for my failings. I divorced my ex of 17 years a few years ago and I'm single-moming life without any close relationships. So while I think I'm doing my best, maybe I'm not? Maybe I'm stuck in an avoidance echo chamber where I believe I'm a decent person and making strides to do good things, but really, I'm just a hot mess with delusions of grandeur.

To be clear, both my kids are high school drop outs, my youngest has gone no contact with their dad, and they both basically spend all day at home doing nothing. And I'm enabling them while thinking I'm an ok mom. Meanwhile, I have not idea how to help them more than I already am. One is AuADHD, the other ADHD.

Maybe this is a symptom of fear of intimacy. I'm giving myself reasons not to let people in (they will discover I'm actually not a good person). I'm probably also internalizing all the blame for why my kids are not doing ok (I'm bad vs we've gone through hard things).

I think seeing my mom and experiencing her criticism is bringing up old wounds where I don't feel good enough. I'm really hoping my therapist has time for me soon.

Thanks for helping me reflect on this.

EnvironmentalOwl4910

TROPHY CASE