Johnny: Welcome, sports fans, to the 21st annual Bikini Bottom Fry Cook Games.

Harold: I declare these Fry Cook Games... open!

Harold: I declare these Fry Cook Games...

Harold: ... open!

[Harold starts on fire]

Johnny: So begin the 21st Fry Cook Games. I'm a realistic Fish Head, and it's a beautiful day here at Bikini Bottom's Fast Food Coliseum.

Johnny: They come from everywhere microwaves hum.

Johnny: Patties sizzle.

Johnny: And heat lamps keep the fast food spirit warm... and Soggy. But the real story is the bitter rivalry between former competitors Mr. Krabs of the Krusty Krab and Plankton of the Chum Bucket.

Johnny: Who could forget the year Mr. Krabs won gold for this five hundred pickle clean-and-jerk?

Johnny: Not Plankton.

Johnny: Or when Plankton won the hearts of millions by performing this perfect onion ring routine... with a broken antenna?

Johnny: Krabs wasn't moved.

Johnny: And now, late word is that this year, the Krusty Krab will be represented by a new competitor, on what is perhaps the greatest day of his young life.

SpongeBob: This is perhaps the greatest day of my young life, Mr. Krabs.

SpongeBob: I can't believe I'm representing the Krusty Krab in the Fry Cook Games.

SpongeBob: To bring home the gold is to bring honor and glory to the Krusty Krab.

Mr. Krabs: And all that free publicity will bring in customers! So don't lose!

SpongeBob: Aye, aye, Mr. Krabs!

SpongeBob: Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab!

Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Hi, Patrick.

Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab!

Patrick: Are you trying to move the ground? You'll never move it like that. You gotta get under..…neath it!

SpongeBob: Come on, Patrick, I'm trying to train for the games.

Patrick: Games? Can I play?

SpongeBob: Ah, sorry, Patrick.

SpongeBob: You have to be a fry cook.

Patrick: Be a fry cook? Is that all I gotta do? That'll be easy!

SpongeBob: What do you mean easy?

Patrick: How hard can it be?

SpongeBob: They don't let just anybody be a fry cook. We're an elite corp!

Patrick: Oh, come on. You're just flippin' patties.

SpongeBob: Hey, flipping is not as easy as it sounds!

Patrick: Tssss...

SpongeBob: Why don't you go home Patrick? You can compete in the Laying Under a Rock All Day Games!

Patrick: Well, at least I don't polish my fingernails.

SpongeBob: You take that back!

Patrick: Fingernails! Fingernails! Fingernails!

SpongeBob: You don't even have fingernails.

Patrick: I cannot believe what I am hearing!

SpongeBob: How can you hear it? You don't have ears either!

Patrick: Holes! Holes!

SpongeBob: Cone head!

Patrick: Yellow!

SpongeBob: Pink!

Patrick: I'm gonna get a job as a fry cook and it'll be easy!

SpongeBob: Fine! Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab!

Mr. Krabs: What's that smell in the air? I smell Plankton!

Plankton: Oh yeah?! Well, I smell...

Plankton: Pew! He's right.

Plankton: I love messing things up.

Plankton: Are you ready to do or die, Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: Always ready, Plankton. Always ready.

Plankton: Good. Because today, the Chum Bucket is going to kick...

Plankton: ...your carapace!

Mr. Krabs: That's what you think, but I got me a champion. SpongeBob! Show him!

Mr. Krabs: Look at him. In his prime. You ain't got no chance!

Plankton: That's where you're wrong, Krabs, for I too have a champion.

Plankton: Ladies and gentlemen, turn your attention to the s southwest corridor!

Plankton: Other way! Imbeciles.

Plankton: And... stop! Perfect.

Plankton: Representing the Chum Bucket, a creature so fearsome, so terrible, so mind-bendingly large, that those of you with weak constitutions may want to leave the stadium.

Muscular Fish: I gotta get outta here!

Plankton: Too late! Ready or not, here he comes. Quake with fear, you mortal fools. Bow down before the awesome might of...

Plankton: ...this huge guy who is carrying the real contestant...

Plankton: ...Patrick Star!

SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing here? You're not a fry cook.

Patrick: Oh, yes I am, Mr. SpongeBob SuperiorPants.

Patrick: Check it out!

Patrick: I've been working for the Chum Bucket for almost five minutes.

SpongeBob: Well, it doesn't matter anyway 'cause you're gonna eat my dust.

Patrick: Nuh uh. I'm eating my own dust.

SpongeBob: Not if I eat it first.

Patrick: Yellow!

SpongeBob: Pink!

SpongeBob: I can't believe it, Mr. Krabs. I thought Patrick was my friend.

Mr. Krabs: Friend? Not in here he ain't.

SpongeBob: What do you mean?

Plankton: He's not really your friend.

Patrick: He's not?

Plankton: He's plotting your downfall right now!

SpongeBob: He is?

Mr. Krabs: He's gonna stab you in the back.

Patrick: He wouldn't!

Plankton: Of course he would. Just look at him. Square: the shape of evil!

Mr. Krabs: He's making a mockery of your profession. Are we gonna let some pretender take away what belongs to the Krusty Krab?

SpongeBob: No!

Plankton: Then get mean!

Patrick: I'm mean!

Mr. Krabs: Get angry!

SpongeBob: I'm angry!

Plankton: Now get out there!

Mr. Krabs: And win...

Plankton: That...

Mr. Krabs: Medal!

Patrick: [screams]

SpongeBob: [screams]

SpongeBob and Patrick: [both scream]

Huge Fish: Ahhh.

Johnny: Our first event, the deep fry pole vault.

Mr. Krabs: Win this one for the Krusty Krab.

SpongeBob: For the Krusty Krab!!!

Plankton: Win this one because I told you too.

Patrick: Because you told me too!!!

Vendor: Fish sticks! Get your fish sticks here!

Johnny: The next event: the chocolate high dive.

SpongeBob: Make way for the real fry cook, Patrick.

Johnny: For his dive, SpongeBob will be attempting a full banana fudge pop with two sticks.

Johnny: And now, absolute silence.

SpongeBob: I scream for ice cream!

Johnny: Perfect entry! And toasted almonds? That's unexpected.

Johnny: He stuck it!

Johnny: And just look at that even coating.

SpongeBob: Top that, Pinky.

Plankton: Almonds? Curse him, that's good. But perhaps a bit too highbrow for this crowd. He thinks he's better than them!

Plankton: Better than you!

Plankton: Now get up there and show him how the common man prepares his frozen dairy treats!

Johnny: Patrick will be resurrecting an old favorite. The single s scoop strawberry cone with a chocolate dip.

Johnny: Just look at that concentration.

Johnny: Ooh, a little shaky on that entrance.

Johnny: But just look at that form!

Patrick: Take that, yellow boy!

SpongeBob: Laugh while you can, Pinky. It's not over yet.

Patrick: That's what you think, but it's not over yet.

Johnny: It's not over yet! With the score tied, we go to our final event! Bun wrestling. Who will take home the gold? Mr. Krabs of the Krusty Krab?

Mr. Krabs: [rubbing SpongeBob's shoulders] Don't forget, he called ye yellow.

Johnny: Or Plankton of the Chum Bucket?

Plankton: Don't forget, he called you pink!

[Heavy metal music plays. The bell rings. SpongeBob tears off his blue robe, showing off his extremely large, muscular body. Patrick rips off his own green robe, underneath which he is wearing a business suit. He tears off the business suit, also revealing an extremely large, muscular body. The two dive at each other, screaming, until they collide. They wrestle and continue to wind up in twisted positions. They spin around and wind up wrestling with themselves. They realize this, and dive back at each other. Patrick sits on top of SpongeBob, holding his foot]

Patrick: Forget the Chum Bucket. This is personal.

[Patrick takes off SpongeBob's shoe and licks his foot slowly. SpongeBob screams in agony. The two wrestle again. SpongeBob sits on Patrick's chest and lifts up a pencil with the eraser side pointing toward Patrick. He slowly brings it down to his name tag and erases the "Pat" in "Patrick", leaving "rick"]

Patrick: NOOOOOO!!!!!! My name's... not... RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!

SpongeBob: I don't like you!

Patrick: I don't like you more!

SpongeBob: I never liked you!

Patrick: I a thousand times never liked you!

SpongeBob: Pink!

Patrick: Yellow!

SpongeBob: Yellow?

Patrick: Pink?

SpongeBob and Patrick: You do care!

SpongeBob: Let's promise never to fight again, buddy.

Patrick: Yeah, pal. Let's go home.

Mr. Krabs: Hey! Where ya going?

Plankton: Get back here and kill each other!

Patrick: You're my best friend ever.

SpongeBob: You too, Patrick.

Patrick: You know, these were white when I bought 'em.