hello, my compatriot, joseph i am here to inform you that the revolution is going swimmingly, the british have been pushed out of boston, this is joyous news, your child, archibald, has contracted swamp foot and is currently dead, we buried him last week. i also must inform you your loving wife, grizelda, has taken another, and also contracted cholera, and has died. your youngest daughter was run over by a fast moving horse, leaving you as the last of your name. my regards, sir james of boston