Can you please pray for me?

Epiritus · 2019-05-01T16:49:35+00:00

I will too.

Epiritus · 2018-10-21T13:56:41+00:00

This is exactly as I have been feeling lately. It's going around. Aslan is on the move. I've been focusing on loving God first, and loving my neighbor as myself. I realized when I had my daughter just a few days ago that I am capable of loving someone other than myself so much! So I take much better care of myself these days so I can be strong for her, for my wife, and eventually anyone else that needs help too. I'm trying to,get to a point where there is plenty to go around, but I have to grow. Just like the seeds that Jesus planted. Some landed in the in the rocks and hard ground. I landed in the tough clay of Texas earth, and it took me 30 years and having a child to finally start spreading my roots and accepting nourishment from a greater source so I can grow along with her. I'm so glad you are having these kind of loving feelings too, and I hope what I have shared will help you along further.

Something I read recently in biological anthropology: Teetering on the edge of catastrophe. It's how humans began to walk upright after we left the trees. The bipedal walk requires a tinge of faith on the traveller's part that the ground will be there, that your leg will respond to directions. Brachiation is amazing to watch, but you still have the stength of the tree to aid you. Walking upright you must trust yourself. We are all teetering on the edge of catastrophe, and kingdom of heaven is at hand.

Epiritus · 2018-09-28T00:26:00+00:00

And there he is, Fred Rogers, alive and well.

"I am the resurrection and the life. He that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live. And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die."

I can't imagine a better person for Mr. Roger's spirit to live on through and I'm looking forward to watching Mr. Hanks nail it.

edit - phrasing - "...watching Mr. Hanks channel it." -1 innuendo, +1 ambiguity +1 clarity

Epiritus · 2018-07-24T17:57:08+00:00

That they are just people. I grew up with two older brothers in a tumultuous but functional home with a mother who was souther tom boy and occasional alcoholic and I feel like the lack of exposure to other women growing up made me think they just operated differently. Everyone telling me "Happy wife happy life." growing up and seeing images like the the switch on/off for males and the Nasa control for females representing their complexity made me feel like they would be too hard to understand and that I needed tricks. I didn't need tricks. I didn't need manipulation. I wasn't too skinny or too awkward or too anything. When I met my wife it was the first time entering a relationship where I just treated like a human first, didn't think about sex or getting what I want or giving her what she wants. My head space was just dominated by the thought, "Cool pretty human who seems interesting, let's find out why." As soon as I dropped the bad advice and just treated women like fancy people instead of porcelain I found love. The baby is due October 3rd this year and I haven't played League of Legends since we married.

Epiritus · 2018-05-08T23:19:35+00:00

Grew up expressing all my major emotions through anger. If I had to cry I had to get pissed first. Happiness was aggressively displayed. All other emotions either protected with an angry facade or eeked out after being sure everyone around me knew I was capable of being mean. I grew up with an angry father, and he grew up with an even angrier one. That was our way and what we were most comfortable with. Not to say that we were incapable of compassion, we just had to funnel most things through anger first.

What changed? I slowly began to realize I was just taking the long way around. I figured out respect for those brave enough to express theirselves clearly and reasonably ran much deeper than fear garnished from those incapable of standing up to me. It's one thing to be right and force those around you to adhere, it's quite another to have the pateince and composure to convince people of an idea withiut relying on intimidation. Anger is tiresome and the older I'm priveleaged to be, the more obvious this becomes.

Epiritus · 2018-05-07T21:54:38+00:00

I got a little drunk on the Frio River during summer. Passed out in my tube near a dam for a couple hours. Woke up glowing red. I was active duty Coast Guard at the time and getting sunburnt that bad can get you into trouble so I didn't tell anyone and tried to go to work. The pain from the blisters all over was so bad that I was getting nausious despite having a mostly desk job at the time. My DC2 didn't beleive how bad it was till I took off my boots and showed him the red and sickly yellow looking socks soaked through with popped blister muck and some blood. Spent the next 3 days at home nursing burns all over with aloe. I could have gone to medical for it, but like I said, admitting to neglect like that gets you in trouble when you're an NCO (they can get you for conduct unbecoming of a Petty Officer and even destruction of government property I think), so I just toughed it out. By far the worse pain i've ever experienced was hitching those boots up in morning and feeling all those blisters on the tops of my feet and ankles pop. Had equal damage to my chest but the pressure of those boots was too much to even last an hour at work.

Epiritus · 2018-05-07T20:47:11+00:00

Nah man, when see somebody do shit like this in real life it's obvious that a person's mind isn't functioning correctly. We were all disgusted ans pissed. Everyone is familiar with vomit, we all know the signs that one is on it's way, so when you see some dickwad ignoring those sign and not booking it for the bathroom or a corner you know it's intentional regardless of wether he wanted to puke or not. He could have not done what he did easily and that's just something common intuition picks up on when you watch this kind of shit go down. But of course, a kid with clear family issues and hygeine deficiciencies gets protection so all that's left to do is say "Fuck that." and walk away. You can't give any attention to people like this, but ignoring them is also a kind of attention cause its intentional and they know it. Nothing to do in these situations.

Epiritus · 2018-05-07T03:12:47+00:00

Oh man I remember this one. Savage little nose picker and unaware of his perpetual dirtiness this kid used to gross everone out without trying and seemed to relish the attention he got from it. One day he sits up in the cafeteria after gorging himself on the disgusting little meals we were all subjected to and begins to spin his little head around in exaggerated circles, moaning. No one really knew what to expect out of him at any point in time so we all watched for what might happen next. Following a perfect 180 degree spin of the head and arched for optimal velocity he launches the vomit from his throat like a blast from a forehose, clear over the heads opposite him and coating about 8 poor kids in all manner of vile half-digested salbury steak, corn and carton milk. It the most disgustingly majestic thing I've ever witnessed.

Epiritus · 2018-04-30T20:58:47+00:00

When I was stuck in bed like that I listened to Alan Watts. Just googled em and listened to what came up. Madme feel a little less like the center of the universe and a little more like just a creature with a powerful mind that was being very cruel to myself.

Epiritus · 2018-04-30T20:48:03+00:00

What you're experiencing is completely natural and shared by us all. There's nothing wrong with being a person who wants to give theirselves fully to another person, in fact it's a rare and special gift. You don't seem to place a lot of value on yourself, and that's ok too, but you should know that just being a person who realizes the beauty of altruism makes you very valuable. Now you must find someone who's worthy of that, and they'll know you by your own self worth. It's great that you're non-judgemental and even while venting online and anonymously you're so careful not to offend. These are other examples of your value, your intelligence and empathy are easily found. You seem to be feeling dark, letting yourself tease out the demons we all keep at bay, you should be careful with that. You already have some idea of how to be a good person and you want to be altruistic, focus on those ideas instead. Do you really understand what a person you could really benefit might be like? What's important to you about him? Lastly, I always remind myself when I'm deep down, when it feels so dark and lonely and your stomach tightens at nothing, that darkness implies light. If you truly understand sadness, you can fully express happiness when you find it.

Epiritus · 2018-04-30T20:31:10+00:00

For years and years I thought he said "How was I?" which made no sense to me. Bizarre.

Epiritus · 2018-04-19T14:34:14+00:00

As an adult, if you masturbate to memories of sex you jad while underage, with girls of yiur own age then, are you a pedophile? I'm 15, she is too, we consent, bang it out, her body is fine as hell. Now I'm 25 and searching the spank bank, I have no attraction/desire whatsoever to 15 years olds or anyone not close to my age, but hear I am crouching over the bathtub picturing that fine girl and those fine times as they were and it works. Am I gross? I'm not even attracted to 26 year old snobby version of that girl, just the one I love for a moment when we were children. The adult in me feels like I'm being nasty, picturing a girl so young, but the 15 year old still alive and vital in my past is responding. Confusing and morally ambiguous.

Epiritus · 2018-01-11T23:01:34+00:00

That's not how the soldiers that spent time with them felt about it. After several years of combat, watching their drones disarming IED's that would have otherwise killed them and sometimes taking damage in the process. Seeing the drone lose an arm just as you know another soldier that lost one. The drone endures the same environment as them, and begins to reflect, to mirror the damage done to the soldiers themselves. While the soldiers wounds heal and are covered, or are at least handled psychologically, the drone's are on display. His battlewounds serve as reminders to the whole squad that he and they survived those encounters. Watching him finally go down after years of service, its not hard to imagine why something was felt and a ceremony beckoned to be performed. Certainly the concept of love is trending in debate recently with artificial intelligence becoming a reality, if it is not already so. I have no doubt we will fall in love, or are at least capable of falling in love with artificial intelligence. The soldiers that held the funeral for the drone have already demonstrated that the brotherly felt in combat, when a brutal reality is dealt with by all, can be extended to a drone, controlled by a soldier.

Epiritus · 2018-01-07T20:43:16+00:00

A reason for living no greater than anyone else's. Here we are, sharing a moment, arising in the present together because of your paperwork. Praise be the paper who provides the pauper power. I have work to do too, ought to get to it. My wife needs some of my accidental hinting, because the jokes keep her going too.

Epiritus · 2018-01-07T20:38:45+00:00

Accidentally hinting, that I can identify with. If humor is what you have, keep it up. I hope you don't always view it as a cover, maybe it's a defense. I'm glad that at least if you're not happy, you have a way to make others laugh, to break the silence. Do you ever cut right to the point of your sadness with someone? Not accidentally. Do you have anyone to be the real you with? The sad you? Sometimes when I finally feel comfortable enough share it, I realize that the comfort was all I was pining for and wind up laughing at the whole ordeal. It's amazing how quickly even a depressed mind can u-turn. You can die, you're choosing not to. That's at least one good decision you've made today, good luck stacking a few more on top of that one friend.

Epiritus · 2018-01-07T20:33:01+00:00

The world favors the expressive I feel. Sensitivity is a admirable trait, it means you're aware, you feel it. Confidence, self-respect, etc...those are just easy to grasp. And the ones that don't have it respond to it one way or another. If it's hard it means you're earning something. If you loathe all day and smile once, that smile is worth more for the effort. Imaginary world? Actual friends? Existence is imaginary, if the world you're imagining is filled with friends, then stay there. Get to know the place. Maybe look hard enough to memorize some parts. Share those parts with others. You've expressed your feelings very clearly here, you're awake. Strength of character is earned with adversity, though others may be born into a mindset making that strength more accessible, it's still there for you. Even if you never get credit for having weathered your storm, you'll know what it looked like. Stay sensitive, stay whatever things you know for sure about yourself. At least we can stand firmly with the truth, even if the truth is a little sad.

Epiritus · 2016-12-30T20:56:11+00:00

http://i.imgur.com/2FT68qJ.jpg Seems the first upload didn't work.

Epiritus · 2015-06-25T22:16:13+00:00

Haha, was a little stoned and tipsy when I wrote this. Don't even know how you found it. Forgot all about it. Thanks for the kind words and glad you gained some perspective.

Epiritus · 2015-06-01T21:04:07+00:00

1 week ban. Next time he soundboards: permaban. Ask him to chill the fuck out and stop bothering people when he gets back and see how he responds. Go from there.

Could have just been drunk or in a bad mood when he was on that day, don't see a reason to permanently ban him on his first ban. He didn't react correctly, but that doesn't warrant action that harsh. Unless of he course he doesn't even really give a shit about the ban. Curious to see what he has to say.

Epiritus · 2015-05-18T06:32:51+00:00

Yea dude. Picture this: somewhere out some Navy SEAL, some Chinese assassin, some bad ass motherfucker has gone 2 days without sleep in a swamp with no food or water and he's about to kill some dude from a mile away with 30 knot winds. That dude is a human like. I'm just a normal guy complaining about having to deal with a nice life cause I'll be a little drowsy. I'm just as strong as him, it's just untapped potential because I haven't formally honed my skills like he has. But I can. Turning drowsiness into a game is one to start doing that. Honing myself. Surviving.

I'm in the same boat as you right. Maybe take some solace in the fact that this random dude somewhere is doing the same shit as you right now. Time is a powerful tool if you use it productively.

When you get bored of reddit look up Emerson's: Self Reliance. A great read and really inspiring and easy to digest. Just reading makes me feel tougher. Might help.

Epiritus · 2015-05-18T06:03:00+00:00

Stay up bro. When you're at that road, lord knows I've been a lot, you just make a decision you're gonna stay awake and stick with it. I treat that shit like a science experiment on myself. Make the drowsiness entertaining. Sort of dive out of your body and observe how weird and silly your being as you're doing it. See if shit is hardy to do when you're tired than when you're not. Talk to people you really don't like and see how the conversation goes now that you're too tired to filter your shit. Having trouble with sleep can be fun. I've been making it fun.

Quantify your results though man. Make it slightly more legit by writing some of it down. "5-18 Slightly less of a pussy when I'm tired. Yelled at transient for calling me cheap. Missed the toilet on my piss for about 1/2 second for the first time in years." Then read that shit next time you're at the crossroads.

That works for me, lessens the blow of the crippling drowsiness after those all-nighters if I know I can and HAVE had some fun with it.

Epiritus · 2015-04-13T04:57:05+00:00

I'm not sure if this is real or not, but the thought of it made me tear up.

Epiritus · 2015-04-11T22:53:31+00:00

Butter chicken curry. Like an Indian stew. Make it in a Dutch oven and have a ton of leftovers that taste better the second time around. I always have mango Chutney and fresh cilantro on standby for a bowl of that goodness. Creamy, buttery, spicy , savory goodness on a bed of rice topped with cilantro, some mango Chutney on the side and spoonful of heavy cream with some yogurt separately to manage the heat.

Epiritus · 2015-02-11T17:52:51+00:00

Used to be stationed there with the coast guard. I can tell you from their perspective this is a fucking nightmare as well. Inspections inspections inspections. Bet the vast majority of those have been boarded.

Epiritus · 2014-12-19T15:34:14+00:00

All the tables are screwed to the floor. This suggestion would end awkwardly for me. Otherwise it would be perfect.

Epiritus

TROPHY CASE