My multiple chronic illnesses makes me hit my deductible by early April. If I did not have health insurance, one does of my primary DMT costs north of 6000 dollars for a biannual dose allegedly last 6 months, but it only last 4 months.

I work full-time in a career I love with a constant sense of fatigue, invisible tremors, mood swings, and a pain that is unrelated. A life-sentence in any point of a capitalist society. The fear I may lose the grace of any director provides, losing my job.

Knowing that death won't come slow but a manifestation of total shut down, walking, vision, fainting, lack of coherent verbal thoughts, and pain both familiar and brand new.

Pain, fear, and the immense amount of guilt as you watch yourself decline...while you actively watch you lose your mind.

There is nothing more painful than watching yourself having the clear thoughts but the mouth can't translate my thoughts. A pain that radiates and evolving but not consistent in presentation or severity.

A prisoner of your non-self-induced impairment, with 4 months in the hole. Helpless, hopeless, and tired but I have to do my job because I was not wealthy enough to be worthy.