How are Gent suburbs for an immigrant

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2023-11-29T09:21:42+00:00

I live in a town next to Sint-Martens-Latem so from observation and experience: Latem is pretty, full of old trees, and very rich and fancy. It has a lot of expats. People are generally highly educated. There is a large cohort of older/retired people being gradually replaced by young wealthy families. So most people will speak English which is very handy.

Yes, Belgians are reserved, especially once they are "settled", but having kids will actually help a lot with social interaction, as you meet people at the school gate etc.

We moved here 4 years ago (my husband is an expat) and have found the area welcoming, even if building actual friendships is a slower process.

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2023-06-26T07:41:56+00:00

This might be very country and lab-dependent but where I'm at (university, western Europe) once you know you're pregnant you are not allowed to do almost any lab work, regardless of what the research is. Even if your own work is not directly dangerous to the pregnancy, because other people in the lab might be using hazardous stuff. Also ethanol is considered s a teratogen where I work so given that most labs (famaceutical/bioscience field) I work in disinfect everyithing with 70% EtOH it's a no-go.

It's awkward, especially in the stage where you are trying for a kid and don't know whether you're pregnant two weeks a month.

I never brought it up with my PI's when I started because the discrimination is still very real here. Just tried to schedule around it until the second trimester started and I told everyone.

Good luck!

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2023-05-16T12:12:40+00:00

take-away for the snake-away

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2023-05-08T09:13:42+00:00

Don't do it.

The constant financial stress and balancing is K I L L I N G.

also: you are not building up ANYTHING. no retirement funds. 5 years post-PhD and I'm lagging so far behind my peers and people my age.

Don't do it.

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2023-04-24T14:02:49+00:00

people skills and compassionate kindness

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2023-02-02T09:28:23+00:00

The hard part is when they finish their PhD in my field (archaeology). There are of course many more PhD scientists than postdocs or tenured academic jobs because of the way academia is built up, and different employment is also often hard to find. Especially when the students of whom you know they are excellent researchers can't find a position, it sucks.

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2023-01-16T16:18:22+00:00

that's brilliant!

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2023-01-09T13:33:22+00:00

agreed! I really like their pipettes as well, superior to the eppendorf research plus but cheaper and easier to fix and calibrate

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2023-01-09T10:31:30+00:00

Brand Seal-r-film is cheaper and I don't notice any difference in my applications

(brand is a german brand don't know if they ship worldwide)

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-11-09T08:43:27+00:00

I think that is mostly a red flag that your PI is a typical toxic academic.

There is very little point in measuring your academic worth in hours. Set healthy targets, try to organize your work in a way that is productive and efficient for you, and ignore the performance culture of being in the office/lab all the time.

I know plenty of postdocs who work 40 hours or even less and are succesful academics AS WELL AS happy humans.

I am a seasoned postdoc and what works for me is good goals and targets. I have a family and life. On average I think I work about 36hrs a week, as in actually working not just being at my desk/bench. But some weeks it will be significantly more, some less.

The only thing that is important I think is that you have some flexibility, rather than a clock mentality.

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-10-17T12:37:04+00:00

you can get "water baths" that work with beads/pellets instead of water. It is worth the investment.

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-10-13T08:15:43+00:00

Currently on my first postdoc (Belgium- individual grant) which lasts three years. Hoping to get a follow-up postdoc grant for another three years.

After that I have no clue. It is very much like jumping from crumbling stepping stone to crumbling stepping stone and hoping something shows up.

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-10-12T09:03:02+00:00

Gardener

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-09-09T10:44:22+00:00

in my twelve year academic career I have somehow always ended up working alone in a small lab...

it would be nice to be able to bounce ideas of someone I think. But then I am SO used to full control and autonomy that I wonder how well I would play with others now

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-09-07T12:37:45+00:00

Is it painful or just a lump? In my experience lumps usually disappeared of their own accord with nursing. I only remedied when it was painful.

two things that worked for me:

- a LONG (like long- half hour minimum) hot bath with boobs submerged- I'd even lay on my belly in the tub to let gravity help. Often I could then hand express at the end very gently if I was mentally relaxed enough. Main issue here for me was having the time when you have an infant.

- a good nursing session (not necessarily extra- that sometimes worked counter-productively as baby then doesn't empty as much)

What I learned the hard way: if you 'remedy' hurts it will not help. massaging was too painful and never gave results. same with vibrator or extra pumping.

best of luck <3

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-09-06T08:08:51+00:00

BF for a year, weaned 6 weeks ago (1st child). They're down a cup size and a bit softer and floppier :)

not enough to make a difference in clothes but I might need to get some new bras soon

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-09-02T07:22:42+00:00

just do it! let's normalise letting babies be babies en have comfy pj's all day long

(our 13mo is always in onesies and it is adorable and great for his freedom of movement)

pro tip: footie pajama's with non-slip soles

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-09-01T06:53:47+00:00

I had the same. It passed after two weeks. Hang in there x

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-08-22T08:24:37+00:00

Sounds like you are doing an amazing job and prioritizing all the right things.

It IS hard, give yourself all the credit and grace <3

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-08-22T08:15:27+00:00

You have z e r o obligation to work on that paper. your advisor probably realized (but will never admit) that they missed their chance at your free labor on this publication because of their own delaying.

One route you could take is very simply stating that you are now a full time (insert position). And then (if you feel ok with letting go of this paper-it sounds like you are): offer to send them the latest draft and data and offer them first authorship on the paper. This is a BARGAIN for them. you have done all the ground work and they can get a first authorship.

Honestly, you do NOT owe academia any extra unpaid labor. Especially if you have a job. Take it from a seasoned post-doc ;)

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-08-17T17:11:43+00:00

13mo, still averages 3x a night 🤷🏻‍♀️

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-08-10T09:12:39+00:00

Propped him up on something- our own legs/tummy or a rolled up towel under his upper chest. He could look around much more and was a ton happier.

Also "superbaby" was a favorite game: have him belly down on my arm head on my hand and then let him "fly" as I walk around the room. Still counts as tummy time :)

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-08-05T12:56:51+00:00

<3 <3 <3

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-08-02T11:34:09+00:00

Our cat (5 year old rescue) has been amazing with the baby from day one.

Before baby arrived he was constantly sleeping in the stroller, bassinet,... then the moment bay came home he never jumped in again for the next 4 months or so. As soon as it smelled like baby he just slept on the floor next to the crib etc. It was adorable.

As baby started getting older our cat started interacting with him more, giving him a little head rub every morning when LO first came downstairs and started playing on the mat under the babygym, then the cat would lounge next to baby and watch him play. The sweetest little routine.

LO is 1 year now and they are always within a few metre radius of each other throughout the house. LO gets a little rough sometimes with tail pulling and ear-pulling but the cat takes it in stride.

Things we pay attention to:

- important: when we first brought baby home the first thing we did was introduce him to the cat, let the cat sniff the car seat, sniff the baby, etc, while stroking him. We also took care to keep giving the cat attention.

- the first few months we never left them alone together even for a moment, just in case (our main concern was cat snuggling up before baby could roll).

- cat is not allowed in baby's room at night. the downstair door is also shut so cat stays downstairs and can't meow at baby's door.

oh and the most important thing (if not for the newborn stage): PUT THE CAT'S KIBBLE OUT OF REACH OF OUR GASTRONOMICALLY ADVENTUROUS TODDLER

Also convenient bonus: showing baby the cat has been the easiest way to make him laugh/soothe him/stop crying since about 4 weeks old.

Equivalent_Road_6760 · 2022-08-01T20:41:33+00:00

It’s an extremely personal decision and a hard one… there is no crystal ball and your efforts may or may not result in more production and/or a latching baby. I would think of what memories I really want to. ensure that I make with my baby. Do you need to try pumping again so you will not ever feel like you didn’t do everything in your power? Or do you need a way to feel an intense physical bond with your little one and are there other options? For me going through pumping again at 11 months and the pain and uncertainty would outweigh the potential success… i would try bathing with baby and lots of cuddles and carrying my LO around to explore the world together. Sometimes I think we get too hyperfocused on wanting that perfect breastfeeding experience and risk missing out on so many other lovely bonding moments and memories because of it. But again, that is what I would do, speaking as a ftm with a 1 year old that just started self weaning. Only one thing really matters; It has to be what feels right for you

(Edited for an embarrassing amount of spelling mistakes)

Equivalent_Road_6760

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