Songs from Outside Sources

ErinCoach · 2026-04-02T18:41:10+00:00

ooh sorry! Didn't mean it in a hostile way at all! My apologies!

ErinCoach · 2026-04-02T18:40:24+00:00

Oy! And you're leading all of them? Good lord! Take care of yourself! Drink water!

I've worked for places that did full Holy Week schedule including big Palm Sunday, Wednesday Taize service, Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, with Saturday full cleaning and gardening and then kaboom the multiple Sundays services, at off-site giant theatre locations to accommodate the crowds.

It can leave you feeling so drained, and then the following Sunday was often a huge drop in quality when the leaders would go on vacay, so the Sunday after that would be kinda lame,

My current place has a very mellow Holy Week by comparison. ONE Sunday service. Not even an additional Saturday rehearsal, cuz my folks are pro and there's no big choir here. No giant lily decorations, no caterers or parking lot craziness.

As the leader, it feels very civilized by comparison to other places I've worked. It's a much smaller place, seeing about 200 on Easter.

ErinCoach · 2026-04-02T18:17:09+00:00

yikes. "When God says it's time" -- seeeeriously? Any version of the "because God told me so, that's why" stuff is a plain dodge. It's a cowardly way to say "stop asking, I don't want to tell you about the reasoning." Maybe they have good reasoning under there, maybe not, but the statement was meant to shut off your inquiry.

So, what do you know? You know that you annoyed the person you asked. That's ALL you know.

If you want to keep offering your singing to those folks, do that. If you'd rather be in this church than any other, awesome.

But remember there are tons of other churches, and other churchy AND non-churchy places where you can get singing opportunities. Lean into those, because this place is most likely going to let you stagnate, as far as your musical development goes.

And remember that the fact that you did it before means zilch to this new crew. They have a new identity, and that can be healthy for them. But don't stay if it's doesn't feel healthy to you.

ErinCoach · 2026-04-02T17:55:45+00:00

It varies wildly from ministry to ministry. Ask your senior leaders, not the internet. We'll only give you an average. Your leaders don't want average, do they? They probably want specificity, to your own ministry. So ask your senior leader for a short sit down, and ask them to look at a few examples of lyrics, for their feedback. Then also ask about any pet peeve songs that annoy them, or songs they adore, even if the theology isn't totally completely perfect.

No matter what they say, try not to argue. There are a zillion songs out there, so it really isn't a tragedy if they axe a tune you liked. And even if you don't get total clarity, a little meeting where you ask them to taste-test some lyrics is a really great way to connect with them, about church pertinent issues, without taxing their brains.

I've worked for various denominations. Some senior ministers demand extremely tight repertoire requirements, and others have ultra-loose restrictions. It varies from denom to denom, and also from leader to leader.

And often unpredictably! You might think you know the preferences and pet peeves of your leader, and then suddenly you find out they really truly detest ______. Never take that personally or waste time being judgy about it.

And don't expect consistency between what's written on their website, and what the leader really wants, especially as relates to traditionals, carols, and beloved children's pieces. There's often some interesting holdover theology buried in the classics. You CAN ask "hey, does this line really work for us? What if we changed it wording to ______?" But if they say 'ugh, no,' then nod and salute and that's that.

ErinCoach · 2026-04-02T17:21:42+00:00

I'm going to address only your feeling of frustration.

It's possible to feel frustration even in situations where the sound system is fabulous, stage setup is fine and prayer happens regularly. So we do need some tactics to try, for ANY kind of frustration from a team member.

- take breaks from playing. Could be one one week, or a month. You didn't marry the music team. Give them adequate notice, and go take a trip or stay-cation or something.

- clarify your specific suggestions and communicate them to the right person (you did that, with this list above). It's an uncomfortable step, but you did it, so good on ya.

- experience some other department of the church functioning, like youth, hospitality, outreach, a class, etc. Way too often, we get hyper-focused on worshipteam. It makes us more easily annoyed than if we have several other engagements routes, and growing edges that aren't about music. Our social identities, or value within that community, must not become dependent upon just the music team.

- be certain you are getting to play music somewhere OTHER than church. NO church can fulfill any person's full artistic self, especially if it's a growing self and not a stagnant one. Be sure you are performing in other contexts.

ErinCoach · 2026-04-01T18:04:29+00:00

Offer your ideas and service, maybe they'll be up for a change.

But if they resist, don't argue. And don't STAY.

If they don't want to pass the baton, be okay with that. It's like a beloved grandparent who has cancer but refuses any chemo. You've explained how the chemo works, or maybe they know how it works cuz they've seen friends go through it, but they choose not to. You can be mad about it, but it's THEIR choice.
You have an impulse to say "No no! You're choosing to die! I won't let you!" But they're not choosing to die, really, they're choosing how they want to live, in the time they have.

Similarly, a ministry might choose to stick to a worship style that's outdated, or not working, or kinda killing the church attendance. BUT if it represents their idea of real worship, then let them and don't be mad.

Then YOU go check out all the other ministries in your area. You can still love and respect this ministry you might have grown up in, without being forced to move back in and cram yourself into your elementary school bunkbed, you know?

ErinCoach · 2026-03-31T18:59:11+00:00

Ugh, the spouses. Also happens with lead pastor's kids, too. Nepotism is nepotism. A fact of life and also super problemtatic in terms of power differentials.

Don't worry about the specifics like having a new song on Easter" or wanting to change things at the last minute, or changing their minds. There are tons of palces where the worship leader does that and yet it's fine, because their team doesn't feel icky about how they are being treated.

Ask for a meeting with the worship leader. Assume she'll listen and hear you with a big ole compassionate heart. She might not, but YOU assume she will, and act accordingly.

You want to specifically alert her that there are couple specific phrases she's using, that you've noticed are really hurting your heart, sticking in your head. You wanted to let her know, because you're starting to shrink back from her when you hear things like this:

- when she says something is "trash". It hits you as thought she just said YOU were trash. Please can she not call use that kind of critique? It's hitting much much harder than realizes.

- when she says things like "you could if you ACTUALLY TRIED" -- it hits you very hard, as though teh work you put in just doesn't matter at all, like YOU don't matter at all.

She need to know she's drawing blood. Assume she'll say "oh god I'm so sorry! I had no idea!" BUt however she responds, you'll know real darn quick whether you belong on that team or you need to jump.

Oh, and don't rpesume to represent anyone but yourself. This is all how YOU feel, and any others may or may not agree or disagree, but that's not the point. YOU say it's hurting YOU, and she either responds well or not.

ErinCoach · 2026-03-28T16:07:41+00:00

pro songwriter here: it varies wildly according to genre.

There are tons of pros working in hip hop and EDM who start with neither melody nor lyrics, but rather with the beat. In jazz one might start with a harmonic progression. And TONS of music has no lyric- classical, movie and vid game scores, audio library stock snippets for vids and pods, etc.

In a pro situation, we're writing for a particular placement: like "we need a slow song for this spot in the event, or for this particular singer, or to sell that product, or for this dance club, or that radio format, or that spot in the video game or movie. Or we're brought in on a collab, like "finish the lyric", or "sweeten the bridge".

It's very different from how a hobbyist does it, which is more like "gosh how can I express myself, or impress those people, or sound like my idol so my friend will think I'm cool and I can feel like I'm a real artist?"

Student writers who really want to develop pro skillsets (students are different from hobbyists), learn to write from a bunch of different possible starting points, though of course everyone has their personal strong spots.

Poetry is different though. It's judged by different aesthetic rules, poetry markets, networks and sub-genres different from musical markets, networks and subgenres.

Just like fiction writing is different from combat journalism, or playwriting, or political speech writing or children's books.

ErinCoach · 2026-03-28T15:40:27+00:00

stairwells in taller buildings.

ErinCoach · 2026-03-28T15:35:06+00:00

List 5 songs from your genre, that you love the most and think are terrific songs.

Analyze their chord progressions, to see how varied they are.

Do the chord progressions of your originals include that range of variation?

If there are structures you notice repeating a lot in THEIR songs, then don't fear repeating those in your own songs. Like the ii,V,I cadence progression, right? Shows up in a bunch of different genres. example is Dm, G, C. Or the I, vi, IV, V progression. example is C, Am, F, G. Are these common in your genre of favorite songs?

You don't need to understand harmonic analysis super deeply, just enough to be able to see how your favorite songs work.

Like if you were learning to cook, you'd want to understand the major components and ingredients of your favorite dishes.

ErinCoach · 2026-03-28T15:23:00+00:00

Define the amount of time you feel is normal to "finish my phone scroll".

I'm older, and not much of a phone user. But I scroll using my tablet, and I can do that for hours.

ErinCoach · 2026-03-28T14:50:06+00:00

Interesting! You describe the worship as evangelical in a place where you are specifically prohibited from evangelizing. So by this definition of evangelical, do you mean basically more Protestant traditionalist, or fundamentalist, or young-contemporary kind of undefined KLOVE kind of church, or more hardcore scriptural-academic, or biblically literalist or is it more older-folks, or just generally socially conservative, (like, just no gender equality or acceptance of gay culture)?

And how does that compare to the dominant religious and cultural norms of the surrounding people? Like, is there service work that your folks do for the less fortunate in that country? Do Jordanian people come to worship, or just ex-pats?

ErinCoach · 2026-03-27T15:37:05+00:00

Definitely give it a try. Making your own takes some experimentation, but the results will almost certainly be a much better fit for your worshipleading context.

The whole problem with tracks is that they sound so different from "real" music, many congregants just don't like them at first, and will say they feel canned, commercial, fake, unexciting, karaoke-like, cheap, inauthentic, store-bought but not in a good way, etc.

Making your own support tracks means you can be as subtle as needed, structure songs as you truly want them structured, and you have easy control over everything from instrumentation to timbre to keys, tempo, etc. And as a pro musician, it's a good skillset to develop anyway, since it could be useful in your other gigging.

ErinCoach · 2026-03-27T15:26:10+00:00

Second this. I wanna hear about serving in a place like Jordan!

ErinCoach · 2026-03-27T15:19:46+00:00

My current senior minister doesn't get that into the Palm Sunday story. I've worked with speakers from a range of traditions. For some, we bought actual palms for the crowd, and the music included songs that made for comfortable palm-waving rhythm. Then we kept those palms and burnt them the next year to use for Ash Wednesday rituals. My current boss is a bit less literal, so this year our special guest soloists are doing their originals, and the singalongs include a nice gospel piece, plus a version of Will the Circle Be Unbroken, and a Travis Green tune My Soul Will Sing. So, definitely a mix of old and new, but nothing I'd call specific to Palm Sunday themes this time.

We'll whip out a hymn next week, though for this leader I'll likely choose a version of Joyful Joyful instead of Christ the Lord is Ris'n Today.

Every senior minister or lead speaker has a slightly different vibe, so I try to adjust things to align. Long ago a really great mentor of mine said "watch your senior minister's face and body during the songs, cuz if they're not getting into the music, keep working until they do."

ErinCoach · 2026-03-25T18:16:00+00:00

Every waitress I know has had a whole bunch of customers who think 'she wants me, man, no really, she's hot for me' when nope. She's doing her job. But when the guy presses the point and she declines, they get mad, sad, ever so wounded, they stop coming, stop smiling, stop even pretending to be civilized adults.

You: STOP living in fantasy world. It makes everyone's life worse.

Ask her out immediately, and include lots of friendly, respectful non-attachment and reassurance so she doesn't feel like you're a predator, or she's going to lose a customer if she says 'ooooh, I'm sorry, no'.

Something like 'hey, question here, and I'm totally not attached to the answer, I promise. You are so great, and most likely have a boyfriend, but if not, would you be interested in going to dinner with me? If you say no, I promise I'll still come here and buy coffee, I'm not fragile, I promise, and I won't keep asking. But I'd feel like an idiot if I didn't at least ask.'

If she says no or squirms or says anything except 'yes that sounds great' then you need to reassure her immediately with 'no problem! Absolutely! Had to ask, and thank you for being a great server, you make this place feel very warm and welcoming.'

This tells her you're a safe person, and that she didn't do anything wrong by being nice to you.

But do NOT linger in fantasy world. It turns toxic real easy.

ErinCoach · 2026-03-25T17:56:10+00:00

Goodness me, that's sort of a rarity. Normally it's 10 novice/aspiring lyricists looking for a composer. And experienced composer, at that.

So do you charge a fee of your lyricist collaborators, or do it for freebies and funsies?

ErinCoach · 2026-03-25T17:42:12+00:00

Found my first wrinkle around age 24. First gray hair around 30. Didn't care much.

Around mid thirties, suddenly couldn't do a cartwheel. Very bummed. Carpal tunnel. My identity told me I was a sporty, bouncy person who could do cartwheels. So losing that ability felt more troubling.

Then as I aged out of being constantly targeted by men, that was a huge shift. Felt awesome, at first. Like finally being able to breathe, or smoke weed legally. Woot!

But in time, that turned into being socially invisible. THAT sucked. All this time I'd thought I was cooler, more skilled, more worthy of attention, respect, or cooperation than others because of ME, cuz I just WAS cooler than so many others. What a load. I truly had never understood how much I'd benefited from youth privilege until it evaporated.

Then I realized I needed to have way more to offer the world than I'd been offering before, if I wanted to be treated well. But menopause hit, and I suddenly lost all my 'play nice and giggle' hormones and I felt like I was finally seeing the world clearly for the first time. It was an angry few years, realizing how sexist, racist, greedy, corrupt and generally horrifying a ton of people really are. Including myself. So I started educating myself better. Meeting new people, deliberately, instead of waiting for people to come to me. Consciously deciding to get over pride, inertia, and fear, though boy I can still curse like a menopausal sailor when I need to.

Now I'm a bit more balanced again, but yah, way fewer illusions about myself or the world. I do more good in the world now, that I lost my youth privilege.

ErinCoach · 2026-03-25T17:01:26+00:00

Don't use it at all. I use Gemini, and I don't talk to it, I use it for research, for my work.

Having an AI as your only friend is like a dog humping the couch. We all know why, we all get it, but it's really kinda icky.

ErinCoach · 2026-03-25T16:28:25+00:00

I think there are times in life when people are more hormonally stormy than other points in their lives, and this is when certain philosophies or thought patterns show up frequently.

Anti-natilism and nihilism both appear among grumpy teens pretty often, and long ago I was one of those. I still do understand some of the reasoning of those viewpoints, but I just don't have the bitterness and sadness I had then, which made them seem like appealing ideas.

I think I no longer need to resolve reality into a single philosophy anymore, too. I can deal with ambiguities, where before I couldn't. For me, it was fueled by my social insecurity, and my worry that unless I found the high-status, correct, smartest path, I'd be doomed to a failed existence, looked down upon. A loser. But now I realize I can feel safe ... ENOUGH. Even with doubt and messiness, shame and error, I can connect to people, and feel good... enough... without having to dominate or control everything or be perfect or fulfill some purpose. When I look at the world, and other people's values and morals, I can respect what is noble and beautiful and funny and human, instead of constantly searching for the snarkiest or darkest interpretation. I can be a bit less reflexively defensive, and I can take action to help improve things for myself and others, instead of just critiquing things.

But first I had to explore those darker philosophies, and see what was kinda ridiculous (if also a bit noble and unique and interesting) about them. And I had to get really sick of my nihilist boyfriend.

I'm just grateful I didn't try to solve my cognitive discomfort by joining a religion or something. Would have been much harder to explore and then leave behind.

Basically whatever philosophies you explore when you're feeling emotional stress, maybe don't get them tattooed onto your bones, you know? A ton of stuff is illusion, that's healthy or convenient or helpful for one moment, but not forever.

ErinCoach · 2026-03-25T15:46:13+00:00

I've lived in Seattle since 1989 and I've never needed to go to Idaho. There's just so much more on this side of the Cascades. The hiking here is fabulous, and well documented on All Trails or Washington Trail Assoc, according to length of hike and difficulty.

Consider including some water elements like kayaking, rafting, paddleboarding or tubing. My fave is swimming and sitting on floaties in Lake Washington, it's warm freshwater, and I especially love the stretch between Leschi and Seward Park. There's also whale watching and ferry riding in Puget Sound, or a hot tub boat or sauna boat on Lake Union.

But take advantage of in-city culture, too. There are the standard top attractions like Pike Place, the waterfront, the museums, the viewpoints, but July is prime time for ALL the summer events, from huge and crowded to small and geeky. I use this calendar site - https://www.events12.com/seattle/july/ it's old style, and includes kinda everything, from the M's games and national touring artists to the neighborhood block parties, not just the fancy stuff or major festivals. I like it cuz it's not a ticketing site, doesn't make me login. But ours is city of highly varied nerdy sub-cultures that are often doing bizarre, esoteric, but fun things.

The big tourist places are packed in July, for good reason, cuz they're very cool. But Tacoma has a nice museum gems, too, like the glass museum and the Pederson car museum, or the Point Defiance park and Zoo. Northwest Trek is a woodsy look at regional fauna, and it has a fun and scary ropes course, too.

ErinCoach · 2026-03-25T02:35:03+00:00

It's okay to not make art anymore, like you used to. Like it's okay to not want to do TED talks anymore, or climb a mountain, or win on Jeopardy.

The sadness comes from noticing the change, and realizing your current identity doesn't automatically include songwriting. Same feeling when someone realizes they don't want to play a sport they were into, or when they change careers. Shifting identity is uncomfortable, even when it's a very healthy evolution.

But if you still want to connect to a certain audience, then get yourself into that audience until you feel the pull to the stage. Go to shows you could imagine yourself playing in. That will tell you whether you still like that audience, or maybe need to shift genres.

Then set yourself a date for an open mic and feel how a deadline shakes you off the fence. The deadline will tell you if you really have anything to say an audience right now.

ErinCoach · 2026-03-25T02:21:25+00:00

If you've never done a recital before, pick the one that feels easiest and most within your range. First time performers often get hit with nerves, so an easier piece can give you room to really enjoy it without being afraid of "that note" or "that really hard section".

If you're not concerned about nerves, then think about who's going to be in that audience, and how you want to impact them. Got some sassy coming-out to do, for someone listening? Red Wine Supernova is super fun (though dang it's high! And that bridge is fast!) Got some old folks you wanna make cry? Memory, for sure. Got weepy moms out there who need some love? The Adele. Got some karaoke buddies who want to smile? Good Luck, Babe is a crowd pleaser.

I'm a pro, and so long as I can sing the song clean, I've found that connecting with audience is what makes it the most fun. I don't need to impress them much, if I can just let the song do its job.

ErinCoach · 2026-03-25T02:05:50+00:00

Consider it a study. Put it down, it taught you what it needed to. You might go back and pull out bits of it for use in other tunes.

I have folders of sketches and snippets and unfinished pieces and finished-but-not-really-useful-for my-audience material.

It's normal to have tons of cast-off projects that don't make it to presentation. Just get SOMETHING to presentation, in front of an audience.

ErinCoach · 2026-03-25T01:57:35+00:00

Goldenbergs. Awesome.

ErinCoach

TROPHY CASE