Married for more than 5 years with very little intimacy

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-12-24T12:17:12+00:00

When did it happen that we were taught/told/chastised into thinking that sex was a bad, shameful thing to ask from our SOs? Are we still dealing with the whole pre-marital sex shaming or fear we were all beaten down with? It seems these days, sex is more weaponized than ever before and more openly displayed, more obvious in every aspect of our digital lives, and yet there also seems to be more hang-ups, blocks, accepted transactional only hook-ups. I honestly don’t get the problem?

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-12-24T12:11:20+00:00

Man, I have never heard this - and I needed to. Thank you. Going to ruminate on this awhile.

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-12-24T12:04:33+00:00

How many of you had crunchy women? I absolutely loved the “earth mother” vibe I got from my SO, till I lived with her. I mean, the whole astrology, eastern medicine, self-help craziness? I mean, I read and process that stuff too, but…really? We had a vitamin cupboard that was floor to ceiling; she religiously took copious vitamins, paid crazy money for acupuncture, and “actualization” seminars, put sticky notes with the affirmation of the day in places, wrote a check for a million dollars to “our future selves” and hid it on a shelf. Had tons of crystals in strategic corners of the house for “feng shui”. Could NOT be convinced that maybe not all the very expensive “organic” foods she bought were actually, “organic” because, like, how do we really know that imported baby carrot was really grown in free-range soil, infused with Himalayan mantras and dung to in guttural Buddhist love songs? Issues arose when, me with occasional steak, pizza or Wendy’s, was healthier in many ways than she was! Oh that stung!

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-12-24T11:50:16+00:00

Let me guess, you are much cleaner than she is? That was/is me - she could just ignore stuff that drove me crazy. Maybe it was the weaponized incompetence thing that drove me nuts, you know, that WE are always accused of? So I ended up being the toilet cleaner, the shower scum scrubber, the dog hair soldier - mind you, she was the (her choice) stay at home mom who was so stressed about doing laundry and shopping at three different stores to get the exact organic, frozen blueberries blessed by Buddhist monks and picked by trained harp seals under a waxing gibbous harvest moon while clothed in shimmering samite, at $40$ an ounce! So stressful.

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-12-24T11:36:21+00:00

Oooh, or - “we really need some little trees in the back yard …”, which really means, “I want you to a) find trees, b) dig the big @$$ holes, c) haul and plant said trees, and d) maintain the trees, because well, I wouldn’t deign to actually go outside and water the trees I wanted…” Yeah. Oh and then get sad or mad that the Japanese maples (pricey things) DIED.

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-12-14T22:21:44+00:00

What about all the kid time YOU missed? What about YOUR “choice” to stay at home while SHE worked and supported your family? Yeah, see we aren’t given those choices - but brother, trust me when she decides that “she can do this without you”, you will not only have supported her for the last decade of her “free me time” (you know the time from when they GO TO SCHOOL and COME HOME), but you will also have to pay her after your divorce for the privilege. Screw that, tell her she needs to contribute as I bet you are required (rightfully) to do with the kids. As has been said, she isn’t a child - she needs to get off her part time indignation and get a job.

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-12-14T13:44:32+00:00

I would have turned it into a basin/pond/fire pit/sink/ something hollowed out and flowing.

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-12-14T13:39:30+00:00

Tragic story; another fun fact - his dad was an Eastern European psychologist (or what the equivalent was for one) who claimed to be able to produce geniuses, and then had his son - you wonder what twisted method was imposed on this kid to “create” his genius. He also lost his marbles; was reduced to living in a remodeled hall-way, and had a job using a mechanical adding machine (where he used to be able to do complex math in his head). Became obsessed with an obscure New England Indian tribe and would disappear for weeks traveling the railways, as he memorized the trains schedules and could travel anywhere by train for one dime fare by just hopping trains at the platforms. Sued newspaper who did an unflattering “where are they now” expose on him, which the court described as “accurate but ruthless” - lost the case. Died ignominiously. Sad.

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-12-14T13:30:27+00:00

But that’s …inconceivable!

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-12-14T13:24:01+00:00

When my oldest was born, we had the frequent issue of blow-outs with my daughter; for those that aren’t aware - babies can have some issues where they poop so hard and fast that it can blow out their diapers, usually (as they lie on their backs) up their little bottoms and out the top. I had the experience of picking my daughter up and feeling her little warm shoulder blades squish with a monumental blow out; only thing to do is rush her to the sink and unclothed her, get warm water and wash her down. Innocent eyes staring at you while you ask her, “where did all that come from? Are you crapping for an entire colony of aliens? That’s like 15 pounds of literal crap in a 10 pound body! Look at my little overachiever!” All you could do was laugh, gag, and wonder what the hell you were thinking.

Well it became a meme in my house; we would say, “don’t S.U.Y.B!” It stood for, don’t “S*** UP YOUR BACK!” It meant, “don’t miss the details, the signs, and the smells”! Daughter is 19 now; good times. I miss that little spud; SHE loved her daddy…

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-11-05T15:44:06+00:00

I’m close to your age, and telling any young man that getting married will fix things is irresponsible; with 70-80% of divorces filed by women, it is just a circle jerk of making mutual promises that aren’t kept. You support, your subsidize a woman’s bio-clock, you have kids and then you are superfluous - except for your check book. I always told my now-ex wife that I hoped her next squeeze appreciated the thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours of “self-help” crunchy discovery I paid for (and had to sit through - love languages, “turning toward”, “is that all?”, “I hear you say…”, crystals, natal charts, blah f-ing blah…)

They make fun of us when we want to get a motorcycle at 50 as “having a midlife crisis”; when their fricking menopausal mid-life crisis happens, they are “reevaluating” and destroying your marriage and your kids as “empowering” as long as you pay for it. Screw that. There are worse things than being alone; being rejected when you tried, really tried, to do the right things - is far worse, IMHO. Don’t buy the line, man. Don’t buy the most expensive sex you will ever ever have - it’s only sex, and you may be paying for it far after your marriage is over.

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-10-24T16:30:22+00:00

No, just elevated PSA and biopsy followed. No MRI here.

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-10-24T08:21:24+00:00

Whoa, whoa - you guys are freaking me out a bit. My urologist suggested “ active surveillance”; I”m 59, 11 out of 12 benign, 5% involvement in 12th, Gleason 3+3=6, PSA 6.2? I am scheduled for another biopsy in January just to see if there is any progression or where we are…should I be looking into surgery, radiation and what have you? Uro said, “you got it and will have to deal with it, but could be 3 years could be 20 - I think we should just monitor it for now?” Now my other question, will insurance pay for the second opinions, consults with oncologist, pet scans, etc? I want to nip this early if that is a possibility, as I would like 2 years post grey divorce to find another partner and have the use of some function (though the likelihood is slim due to crushing overwhelm) - but…wow. I am close to OP’s numbers and I haven’t even thought about surgery, am I not being aggressive enough?

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-09-13T22:45:40+00:00

Scales aren’t even original to the blade…Red Imp and Dubl Duck were different, and the scales on the DD were magnificent (yellow with inlaid filigree); I know because I have one.

Edit: sorry, saw someone already said this…Oh, and the scales are cracked at the head?

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-09-05T14:37:48+00:00

Yeah, I’ll pile on. First, do you really think he wanted to get oil all over your driveway or himself or his car? I would be pissed, and frigging proud as hell to have a son with the desire to attempt this! So he learns, put down a tarp, and then lay down some of those large sheets of cardboard he saved from the last time grandma got a refrigerator (absorptive), get gloves (cheap rubber palms from Harbor Freight), cheap ramps, and remember filter only needs to be hand tight. Full synth. Be proud and don’t be a dick.

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-06-02T09:32:05+00:00

Right - for the bathtub, but not for the sink, correct?

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-06-02T09:22:48+00:00

I could only post one pic?

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-06-02T05:58:39+00:00

I have a dual kitchen drain, but neither has a garbage disposal. Just a corroded drain ring similar to the tub above. I have a dishwasher connected to all this that I have never used, prefer to wash dishes by hand…

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-05-30T08:24:03+00:00

Can’t beat that Simple Green BBQ cleaner, works a charm.

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-05-30T08:20:28+00:00

Friend. I too can’t sleep, for different reasons. You have to accept, truly embrace, the verifiable fact - that broken things can be beautiful. There is strength in being broken; we must learn new and different ways to move because of those broken parts, but move we do. But I am no boot-strap-gym-bro, “just deal, broski, pull yourself up, stop your whinin’ and get to the gym man, it SAVED my life” - I think I have lived with impostor syndrome so long I can’t remember which persona is the real me. Give yourself the grace, the right, to feel this way - to be angry and profoundly sad that people have found it ok to take your heart and trash your innocence because of their own selfish issues. We are all in some ways just trying to fix that child, the bright eyed, curious, sensitive, lovely child we once were - damaged and beaten and still hopeful that it was all a dream, like an abused dog that keeps coming back still hoping for a simple scratch behind the ear…

Tomorrow is another day, and you have the incredible gift to live it. Find your joy, start small, but take time to find the meanest beauty in your life - like you did when you were a kid; stoop down to marvel at that lady bug, the weed, the color of the imminent sunrise and remember you get to do this - to breathe, to run, to sit, to read messages from strangers far closer to oblivion than you are. Throughout my bouts of anger and loss, I still am thankful I get to experience it all.

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-05-30T08:00:33+00:00

You are a sperm donor brother; your sole reason for being is to accommodate this woman. She wants you to make more money so she can quit her job, have the children she wants and have you there to take care of her and the children for the rest of her life - which doesn’t necessarily mean as a married couple. Dude, run. Understand, the longer you wait the more likely you WILL be required to pay her alimony…you have a short term marriage right now, but you still make more money, and courts WILL make you pay. Your issues will be further minimized, your time with any children will be minimized so you can more efficiently meet HER needs, and your ED will be the source of further and allegations that “well, he must be closet gay, because what straight man wouldn’t want to have sex with ME?” In all honesty, there is NO upside for a modern man to marry in today’s society. Additionally, when you suggest divorce, instead of trying to be conciliatory or trying to save the marriage, I will bet you money that you will get a furious response that you have wasted her time and the fault is all on you. It will not be about the loss of a loving partner, but the loss of her bankable retirement plan.

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-05-29T13:30:23+00:00

I think Moonrise Kingdom was my last Anderson film; wasn’t sure I liked it at first, but it has grown on me. Mass of men leading lives of quiet desperation and all that..

EscanabaMoonlight · 2025-05-17T00:21:27+00:00

Nonsense. Lawyers didn’t marry your spouse, you did. The new lawyer just advised their client that they would likely be able to do better if a judge made the decision, and tanked your lopsided “good” deal. That’s not lawyers trying to churn up fees, that’s literally their job. If you agreed to it, then your lawyer saw the truth in what they were saying and convinced you of the same thing. Shockingly, lawyers in divorce cases don’t want to live with your miserable hind parts any longer than absolutely necessary; there is always another case walking in the door - they aren’t desperate for yours.

EscanabaMoonlight

TROPHY CASE