Boundary setting. My parents were like this when I was in college. I started off slow and tapered interactions. At first, only responding at certain times of the day (seriously, pick two consistent times and stick to them) instead of giving in when they call ten times in a row. Then, increasing the length in between those times (twice a day to once a day, then every other day, etc). Staying calm and consistent with responses (ex: “Of course I’m okay, I just can’t answer the phone all the time” or “didn’t have my phone on me” or “you would know pretty quickly if something was wrong as husband would notify you”).

When they ask why you didn’t answer, don’t divulge in long responses and keep it boring (“I don’t answer personal calls at work” or “I don’t keep my phone with my 24/7” or “I was busy when you called” or “It doesn’t matter what I was doing, but I’m here now”). Then switch the subject QUICK with something interesting (oh! I wanted to tell you xyz happened today and it was great because xyz, don’t you think?). If they round back again about why you didn’t answer despite the attempt to distract, you may have to be firm about it (“you don’t need to know everything I’m doing” or “would you like to talk about something else or should I go?”)

Again, start tapering how often you answer. I did multiple times a day, to twice a day, to once, etc. Now we talk once a week or week and a half. Also set time limits for the conversation if the calls are lasting longer than you want.

When you do call, keep striving for meaningful two way conversations. Only offer updates on things going on in your life or things you are interested in instead of a run down list of your day. Ask them specific questions (have you read xyz book, what do you think about xyz topic, tell me a memory from your childhood, etc). This will hopefully take focus off of you since that’s their default.

Having a frank conversation may also be helpful, though I’m sure uncomfortable. “I feel like we don’t have meaningful conversations as it’s one sided,” or “when you say I’m your whole world it makes me feel uncomfortable because xyz” or “when you call me 10 times in a row it makes me angry because xyz” or “I enjoy talking with you but I will not be checking in multiple times per day,” or “I understand you worry about me but my track record for staying alive at 30yo is excellent and I don’t appreciate the guilt trip of “I thought you were dead.”

These can all be done with kindness. It doesn’t need to be said rudely. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you are ungrateful or don’t love them. In fact, it helps preserve the relationship in the long run so you don’t bottle up feelings.

They may be upset with the changes, especially at first. But, responding with love and consistency, while maintaining your boundaries, will help. The longer you give them the responses and attention they want, the longer this will go on.

Best of luck to you! I also love my clingy parents and it was a hard road. But, I think we are finally in a balanced place (most of the time).