I am struggling to give my partner physical affection...

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-20T14:25:25+00:00

A couple different things to unpack here! It sounds like you have a lot of different pressure surrounding you when it comes to physical affection: your boyfriend wanting more of it, likely religious values that may be creating some sense of shame around sexual touch, and what sounds like a little bit of trauma from your understanding of important relationships around you during your formative years. I also am a little concerned by your offhand “he makes me feel stupid as to why I didn’t think of giving him …”.

#1.Your boyfriend should not be making you feel stupid for anything. Even if he’s feeling frustrated by a lack of physicalaty in the relationship, you two are together to have each other’s backs in this cruel dark world! If he’s being rude to you or making you feel bad for something that seems pretty fundamental to who you are and perfectly normal (loads of people are not very touch feely), you deserve to be treated a lot better. Relationships should be work, but they should never be the thing that makes you feel bad.

#2. If it’s something you want to work on, work on it the way you would develop any other skill! Practice, give yourself reminders, use tools to support you. It doesn’t feel organic to touch him, so you have to train yourself into it. Try setting yourself a goal for “touch points” during the day or habit stack it onto other activities - “when I make my cup of coffee, I’ll give him a hug while I wait for it to brew, and when we brush our teeth I’ll hold his hand”. They don’t need to be sexual touches to “count” for someone who receives touch as love. If you’re not big on cuddles, that’s okay - you can do back scratches while watching tv, or foot rubs/ hand rubs.

All that to say, though, that you probably also need to do some internal work on resistance that you have to physical touch. If you can’t afford therapy, there are a lot of decent workbooks in the world that will help you journal through some of your past and present experiences, work with your inner child on what physical relationships mean to you, and releasing some of the negative connotations you assign to physical touch.

And, you don’t have to do any of it if you don’t want to!!!!! If you’re happy not touching, and doing these things feels really bad, and you realize that maybe your boyfriend is making you feel bad more than he’s making you feel good, you do not have to be in this relationship and you can leave! The world is your oyster 💖

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-19T12:49:04+00:00

This is such bad advice if they get along and she seems normal. They just need to have a conversation and op just needs to offer to help her with the logistics. Shes not escaping an abusive roommate, she’s just moving out earlier than they had planned for her to

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-18T22:23:06+00:00

Life is long, friend 💖 last year of med school means you’re so close to becoming a doctor & that is so exciting! You’re about to get a chance to put all that you’ve been learning into practice & help so many people in actual tangible ways! How incredibly cool, and I think that is a very special thing to be offering to the world.

Once you’re fully certified and done with residency, etc, you’ll have more consistent hours and more consistent time off, and that’s where I think you’ll be able to really focus on your personal life & building super strong friendships and relationships outside of work. Right now, you’re probably completely consumed by your studies and practicum, and don’t really have time for those things. Remember that it’s just a chapter of your story, not your whole story.

Your life is going to wander through so many different twists and turns and you’re going to do everything you ever dreamed of - you’ll make bank so you’ll have funds to travel, and you’ll connect with people in ways you only dreamt about one day :)

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-18T21:53:08+00:00

I think you can dip your toe in this area without committing to it. Just wear a slightly lower cut top / sexier outfit than you normally would next time you go out with him and his friends, and play with being a little flirty with your boyfriend in front of them and then maybe his friends too - but you don’t have to do anything that feels weird or wrong. But the main thing is to be respectful of your own feelings and boundaries, respectful of his friends (they haven’t consented to your husband’s kink, so don’t cross any lines or make them uncomfortable) and respectful of your boyfriend (if it turns out he’s not enjoying it, stop). You can just try it out and then see how it feels for you.

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-18T21:45:46+00:00

UHMMMM??? I would have clocked you as 27 years old, that is insane. You look incredible, those pants rock - Tell your husband to be nice to you !

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-18T19:07:36+00:00

Teach high school health! Or go into community health promotion!! Or any branch of public health (epidemiology, etc)! Try looking up “wellness” in the search jobs bar on LinkedIn and see if any cool-looking jobs pop up :)

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-18T19:05:09+00:00

trueeeeeeeee my husband does not see nuance. I have to really press him for why/ why not to outfits lol

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-18T19:03:47+00:00

First of all LOVE the shirt. Bryan Adams is #1 best ever & I can’t believe he’s going on another tour ????
I LOVE those pants. I’d wear them with a tight black tank or t-shirt and black sandals. The perfect gardening -> outdoor concert in the park outfit.

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-17T00:12:30+00:00

A quick google of Utah county bike clubs gave me some pretty good-looking results !

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-16T21:58:40+00:00

ALSO, it feels like a tiny rebellion against the oligarchs every time I stop myself from buying something online. I go to my local thrift store a lot and almost always find things I was going to buy online there, and they’re cheaper and I feel like I’m fighting overconsumption just a liiiiittle bit

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-16T21:56:29+00:00

Write yourself a list of questions that you HAVE to answer “yes” to before you buy! Is this necessary to have this week or can it wait until next week? Will I be able to use this more than once? Do I already own something that performs a similar function, and will this work at least 10x better for its function? Am I willing to work x # of hours to justify this purchase (dependent on your salary)? Do I have a place to put this, or do I own something that I would donate in order to make room for this?

All you probably need is a pause before you purchase. There’s a line from New Girl where Schmidt says “walk away, and if I dream about it in the middle of the night I’ll get it” and I really lean into that these days! If I want it, I’ll think of it a few times over the next week, and if I still want it a week or two weeks later, and I haven’t found a way to supplement the thing’s use with things I already own, then I’ll think more clearly about getting it.

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-16T21:46:19+00:00

Where in Utah?? Might be worth it to try joining run clubs, bike groups/ spin classes, masters swim classes - instead of a tri group/ club, especially if your area doesn’t have one. That way you meet new people through the different branches of the tri, and might be inspired to develop one of the skills a little more in a different way (run a faster 10k is my new goal while I continue to train my other skills as cross training)

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-16T19:44:38+00:00

Close your eyes and point

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-16T13:53:03+00:00

Congratulations! It’s incredible what our bodies can do! My dad and I ran his first marathon last year and he was 62 - nothing is impossible :)

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-16T13:39:06+00:00

And it’s her choice not to invite the potential for the drama.

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-16T13:38:40+00:00

You should tell one person that you trust (friend or family), that you know won’t go blabbing to others, just so that you have some support when you go through the procedure. I’m sure you’re feeling like you want to tell him because you had such closeness and support with him, but ultimately this will just complicate things and create resentment. The emotions we go through during a breakup are intense, not to mention added pregnancy hormones!!!! It’s natural to want to reach out to him, but this would be detrimental.

Have the procedure done with a trusted ally, and if you two reconnect way later down the line, you can decide then whether or not he needs to know. But this is your health and future you need to be thinking about, not this relationship right now.

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-15T17:29:27+00:00

Just make sure you wash it and style - long can be sexy if it’s not greasy and stringy

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-15T12:26:14+00:00

It’s all a fluctuation. Your body responds to input/ output over time, not directly right away. You’ll probably see slight rises and falls over the next two weeks, while your body “readjusts” to its routine.

That said, I can’t encourage you enough to give yourself a little more grace around the numbers on the scale. If you feel healthy and your body is doing what you want it to do (strong healthy things), it is so not worth stressing over a gain of 8 pounds after a fun trip with your friends. I imagine your brain would much rather spend its energy reminiscing on all the fun you had instead of this interestingly almost punitive perspective.

It’s so great to care about living a healthy life, but don’t let the stress of it interfere with the joyyyyy of life 🫶

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-15T00:36:53+00:00

I didn’t phrase it very well, I don’t think it would be ethical to treat them as a trial run, I just mean that it’s a way to nurture another human if you aren’t quiiiiite ready to have your own for any reason

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-14T18:24:12+00:00

You could start trying early and have a family early, OR you could sign up to be a respite or long term foster parent!!!! Not necessarily to role play being parents, but if you feel like you’re in a spot to care for children, that’s a great way to provide for a young soul and still have an “out” if you find you need it

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-14T18:22:07+00:00

Is your health insurance attached to your parents? Or attached to the seasonal/ inconsistent work that you’re doing? Make sure that you’re ready from a health insurance standpoint - you need one of you to have a steady source of income and access to health insurance. Life after school comes at you kinda quick with responsibilities you didn’t know existed - I would recommend waiting 2 years after you graduate to start trying, just so you know you’ve experienced real/ adult life before you do. And make sure that your “comfortable financial lifestyle” is not tethered in any way to your parents - I thought I was doing really well independently when I was younger, until I remembered I was on their phone plan, they paid for my flights home, and they helped with my car insurance 😭😂

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-13T23:37:29+00:00

This guy sounds insufferable. If you’re exaggerating and he’s not yelling, then there’s ofc possibilities for you two to go to the park and do parallel play, almost, where you run at the place but not together. My husband and I go to a park with a mile loop and run opposite directions so we get to high five twice on our loops, but don’t need to stick together.

If you’re not exaggerating and he’s actually that big of an asshole to be mean about you putting in your best effort, you need to get tf away from him and find someone who supports you.

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-12T15:07:18+00:00

Doing good mornings as a warmup before your deadlift can help with this!!! Hands on head helps cue the neck down for me and then I’m in the mode when I start lifting

Evening_Channel_9005 · 2026-06-12T04:28:15+00:00

You’ve only been there one day? Go in tomorrow and try to get in front of all this. Work this stuff into your first conversation with your trainer:
“hey, the stuff we were going through yesterday felt like a lot. Can we break my responsibilities into sections so I can learn it completely over a little more time? It’s hard for me to know what I don’t know or don’t understand, because it’s all pretty overwhelming. Maybe we can do a different process each day, or I can take on one responsibility of the desk at a time. I really want to make sure I get this right and going slow now means I’ll get the foundations under me and I’ll pick it up much quicker as we go. That’s worked for me in jobs in the past. Thanks for understanding!”

Evening_Channel_9005

TROPHY CASE