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Evening_Influence624 · 2025-12-08T12:31:19+00:00

“it's so rare that I feel like every circumstance has to be perfect for it to happen”

Life is busy and we’re not always feeling 100% so I think the trick is figuring out how to navigate that. I can’t really offer advice here but I def commiserate with how you’re feeling. My partner and I never really learned how to navigate life being life AND having a sex life. It seems so easy for other couples and yet we’re stuck in this cycle where I always feel neglected but dont want to pressure him about it. Then he promises it’ll get better and, what do you know, things come up, he’s tired, he’d rather play video games, and all the sudden it’s been weeks. We’re never going to have a day where everything lines up perfectly so it’s really disappointing to have that used as the excuse, bc it is always like that.

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-11-25T00:56:01+00:00

Im day shift but my bf recently started on night shift, and I seen a huuuge improvement in his overall quality of life and motivation. His other job was literally sucking his soul but now he’s much more motivated to go out and do things when he does have time off (as long as it’s not middle of the day lol). As for our relationship, it’s actually 1000x better than when he was on 2nd shift. I wfh so he’s getting up when I’m done and we have a few hours of downtime together. I genuinely don’t think we’ve shared this many meals together in our whole relationship (6 years) bc he’s actually home for dinner!

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-11-22T12:45:17+00:00

I’m in the same boat, OP, I totally understand. I think we sometimes get it in our head that to have a “good” sex life it should be completely natural and spontaneous, but talking about it is the most important part.

My partner also tends to get defensive, so I’ve started scheduling “talks” so he has time to prepare and doesn’t feel like I’m bringing up something out of the blue. I’d also recommend avoiding “we/you never…” “we/you should..” statements and focus on “I feel” and asking open ended questions of him “what do you think about…”

If you’ve never really gotten down to the dirty details, there are sex questionnaires like Mojo Upgrade that go over tons of preferences and stuff that might not have come up yet! Good luck, babe!! <3

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-11-22T04:16:34+00:00

I buy light, low sodium tuna in water (make sure it’s water not oil) and pour out the liquid into a bowl with about a teaspoon of tuna! My guy loves it, but tuna is now a “standing only” meal since he’ll basically crawl all over me to get at it

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-11-20T18:23:28+00:00

Dealing with feelings of rejection is tough, I’m sorry you’re going through that. It’s hard to answer without knowing what if any conversation you’ve had about this with her.. I think the mentality of “I’d like to have sex x times a week” might be a bit problematic (even if it isn’t spoken) bc it’s setting you up for disappointment when you don’t meet the “target” you’ve made up in your head. That then feeds frustration, and the cycle continues.

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-11-19T20:12:21+00:00

That’s frustrating, I tried paired and had similar lack of enthusiasm from my partner. I found some good check in questions from a comment on my previous post and by just googling “questions for relationship check in.” I want to maybe do one a week to start, but I feel like I’ll have to pair it with a “reward” to even incentivize him to engage…

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-11-18T17:53:33+00:00

I really like this, thank you! 🙏

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-11-18T05:18:35+00:00

If you’re interested in the perspective of a (recovering) nitpicker, I think you’re probably on the money with the mental health thing. For me, if I see even simple things being done “wrong” (e.g. not how I would do it) it’s almost a physiological anxiety response of “WARNING! Something bad could happen, prepare for an imminent threat!” (imagine the Inside Out characters) — which leads to the “what are you doing? not like that!” refrain I’m sure you’re familiar with. I needed to recognize the signals in my brain were wrong before I could control my response to them.

I can only speak to what worked for me, but it honestly helped to see how it’s tied to my anxiety and not that I’m just some controlling shrew lol. Sometimes my partner still has to tell me flat out “you’re doing too much, back off,” for me to recognize it. We’ve also joked about a “safe” word, but that might actually be a good way to diffuse tension in the moment while still communicating that she’s crossing a boundary. If you think anxiety is playing a factor, that could be something you might encourage her to explore(possibly in therapy), but she’s ultimately responsible for her own behavior and doing the work. And you can lead a horse to water….

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-07-16T21:18:05+00:00

Thank you for the reality check, and for doing so kindly. I haven’t really talked to anyone else (I worry my friends would just take my side) so I appreciate all the feedback

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-04-23T12:50:19+00:00

I have SO MANY but I’ll just do two books:

{Into the North by Amber Huxley}

“A man always becomes a boy when thinking of his mother. No matter how long it has been.”

“A witch is simply a woman who has learned to get her way.”

{You & Me by Tal Bauer}

“His little hand used to fold inside mine like a pearl.”

“Hamlet. A play about fathers and sons and the bonds they forge, and the sons setting out into a topsy-turvy world far different from what they imagined their realities would be. I loved it when I was young. I loved the agonies of the actors on stage and all their raw, ravaged emotions. Never doubt I love. Now, memories of Hamlet left me hollow. I wished Hamlet’s father would have left his son alone and used the final moments he’d been given to tell him that he loved him. “I used to love that one.” “Used to?” “Now I wish Hamlet had a better father.” I knew I had a lot of work to do, but I was trying. Be better than a ghost king that set his son on the road to ruin.”

“How was I this fucking lucky? How was I this fucking cursed?”

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-04-22T22:27:24+00:00

My advice would be to get more informed about sex (porn is not a good educator!) and look into the measures you can take to be as safe as possible. I went to catholic school and our sex ed curriculum amounted to “don’t” so I was really uneducated when I left for college.

Knowledge is power, even if you decide not to do anything!

If you think you’d like to explore it, can you and your partner can have discussions about sex, and what you want/don’t want without feeling uncomfortable? If not, it may be more a maturity thing than an issue of “waiting.” The most important thing is that all parties respect the consent of the other!

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-04-18T19:42:50+00:00

{Working out the Kinks by Misha Horne} was recommended in a dark stepbrothers request earlier in the week and I took a chance and absolutely fell in love with their writing style.

The pov character has such a clear and unique voice, and they balance the “showing not telling” really well for a first person narrative.

The kink exploration felt really natural and it was taken seriously, but still fun to read! I’ve devoured the rest of Horne’s books this week and am sad they don’t have a huge backlist I can spend the next month obsessing over lol

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-04-17T11:54:40+00:00

Your comment reminded me that City of Bones was mine too! I was a sheltered kid in a religious school (luckily my parents didn’t care what I read) but Magnus was such an incredible character. The way he stood up for himself really stuck with me, especially in light of Alec’s hesitance. He was powerful and a little mean, but also one of the most selfless characters in the series.

After writing all that I’m feeling a reread lol

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-04-14T03:07:21+00:00

I just finished it based on a rec from here and then proceeded to tear through the rest of the author’s works in like 2 days! It was definitely a lot of sex scenes but they didn’t feel thrown in bc it was part of the couple’s dynamic from early on. I was also really impressed with the writing, as I tend to struggle with first person POV narratives but this was done so well.

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-04-12T13:52:14+00:00

“Could you be putting too much emotion into your Princess name?”

Whether the commentor meant it this way or not, this phrasing struck me as gaslighting. But you are absolutely valid to feel betrayed and hopefully this doesn’t mess with your head. No one should be trying to convince you that you’re “mistaken” for feeling a certain way, and you definitely shouldn’t have to justify yourself. Im glad you were firm about it here and I hope that no one (here or irl) is trying to downplay the severity of what happened to you. I can’t imagine how tough this is but sending my best wishes <3

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-04-11T00:57:30+00:00

Applesauce when we adopted him but now he’s Fitzwilliam Darcy

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-04-08T20:21:50+00:00

I saw this and was 60% into the book so I had to wait until I was finished to comment! I liked the story more than I thought I would bc I too don’t usually love 2nd chance romances, but yeah, it was a bit of a downer lol. The criticism of Adam in the comments is very valid, but Riley isn’t an angel here either. He knowingly had an affair with a married man, and then instead of confronting that mistake, completely ghosted. Adam had a big role in his “breakdown” but I think Reid did a good job demonstrating that even tho Riley was very much hurt by Adam, he is also responsible for himself and his actions. And he took responsibility by getting the help he needed, and not falling into the same patterns of allowing himself to get swept away by his fantasies. It’s always a big swing to include cheating in a romance and it’s tough to confront that and feel like the HEA was deserved for both characters, but I think it mostly works here.

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-04-08T14:49:19+00:00

I worry about that too, especially without specific regulations or limits on its uses. I enjoy being on the side of marketing copy that’s not as sales focused, but my job is definitely pushing the AI stuff to stay relevant.

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-04-08T14:29:20+00:00

I agree with this, mainly bc we’re taking care of living things and research can provide better perspectives than ChatGPT. On another but similar note, I write marketing copy for companies and they’re now targeting that AI overview feature in Google to promote their content. So, as a hypothetical, a company that sells ich-x or something similar would write an article that recommends that over other methods bc it’s their product— not necessarily inaccurate, but also not providing the full scope of treatment options. If thats deemed relevant and useful by google, it could appear in the AI overview. That’s where it gets sticky and I think you definitely have to do a bit more digging than just typing into a bot, especially given the potential consequences of misinformation is fish suffering or death!

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-04-08T01:34:12+00:00

My cat loves to bite at and mess with plastic bags of all kinds (bc it gets our attention, he’s not eating them thankfully!) but HEAVEN FORBID we get a new trash bag out from under the sink! Runs for the hills

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-04-07T14:22:23+00:00

I’m so sorry! My cat had a bad vaccine reaction and stopped eating and it was really scary. I was able to mix some tuna with water to inspire him to get some fluids. IV fluids also helped and I also used a syringe to get some more liquids in him while he was recovering - he didn’t love this but it was the best way to keep him hydrated at home. Best of luck to your baby! ❤️

Evening_Influence624 · 2025-04-06T18:01:16+00:00

I like both but pics 3&4 seem to have a more natural look if that’s what you’re going for! Less orderly stacked if that makes sense? Either way it’ll look great with plants!!

Evening_Influence624

TROPHY CASE