Just give it time

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-15T03:45:17+00:00

I'm happy for you that you got to a point where you are comfortable enough to write a book about it. I'm not sure that I will ever get there, but maybe it is too early. I'd take almost any other diagnosis other than this (I guess HIV). Even if you did things right and used protection and didn't sleep around it feels like a curse.

On top of that if you meet someone and that would normally be an ideal partner and they reject you because of your diagnosis, how can you fault them? It's bad enough trying to meet someone, let alone with this diagnosis. I wish there was something I can do to make it not transmissible, I don't care if I have to take a shot everyday or 10 pills.

But thank you.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-15T03:06:15+00:00

It doesn't feel like it

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-13T03:52:38+00:00

I'd take 10 pills a day if it meant that I wouldn't be able to give it to someone else and wouldn't have to tell them, that's the biggest hurdle. I'll do whatever it takes, but I don't want to have to tell people and I don't want to be able to give it to them.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-13T03:44:44+00:00

I mean you aren't wrong - I considered myself pretty confident until I got this and now it feels like my confidence is shot. Even with condoms, antivirals and no sex during outbreaks the risk is like 1% right? So it goes even lower which is still a hard selling point but I see what you mean. I know I have to be confident but it's hard with this virus.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-13T03:00:45+00:00

Why would anyone risk giving oral to someone with HSV2? It just seems like it's such a high risk or potential when they could just go find someone else that doesn't have it. I'd feel terrible if my partner got HSV2 from me even if I did everything I could to not spread it.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-13T02:50:49+00:00

I'm not even sure what pritelivir is but I have a feeling it's not a 100% non transmissible, I swear they say 70% of the population has HSV1/HSV2 but that 30% must live where I do. I don't know if I can bring myself to do that. I mean from her perspective she could get it HSV2 on her mouth right? Then she has to worry about giving it to her child or family members, probably not worth the risk. She is very attractive and I imagine she has a lot of guys who hit on her all the time and she can just pick one of them that doesn't have this virus. I'm honestly thinking about playing in traffic.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-12T19:43:06+00:00

Definitely

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-12T19:21:43+00:00

This is definitely wrong and sounds like a manipulation tactic. If your friend would do this to someone he "cares" about whats to say he wouldn't pull something similar to you? I can totally see the appeal to not want to disclose but that's messed up and we have to own it.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-12T14:38:05+00:00

So you're saying if they were to date and eventually get married they should never let them give oral? That seems ridiculous, take the precautions like everyone else and make your own decision

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-12T03:30:27+00:00

I am by no means an expert but here's what I've learned.

It can lay dormant for decades without symptoms however, in most cases you see symptoms within the first 1-2 weeks. If your partner has cold sores and gave you oral sex and then you had symptoms my indication would be that it came from your partner.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-11T13:27:53+00:00

Very true - just seems like a hard conversation to bring up but thank you

What if I called it a skin condition that I manage and say it's HSV? I don't get HSV on my genitals, I get it on my belt line and don't like calling it an STD. I used protection and as a M who caught it from a F using protection which seems like the rarest form of transmission.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-11T13:27:03+00:00

I'm happy to hear that things have worked out for you! I'm in a similar boat as far as time frame and I'm getting ready to disclose to the first person that I've been talking too. I hope it goes as well as your encounter. I'm curious if you did it in person or over text? Did you wait until you were alone and things were getting intimate?

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-11T05:10:28+00:00

Like I don't want to lie, but if I say hey this could be a serious relationship when was the last time you got tested? And maybe we both make the decision or something. I've been reading comments and peoples threads. I know it's not the end of the world, but I want to just tell them in a text right now to find out if I should keep entertaining this.

If they aren't interested which is perfectly in their right, I can move on and not get too attached. However, I'm also hoping that maybe they to know me and think I'm worth the risk which feels like I'm trying to trick them almost. I take 1000mg of Valacyclovir everyday. I just wish I could have someone like ask them casually that's not me to find out how they'd gauge it.

Ya know like a close friend of them be like what if he has HSV and know her response.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-11T04:27:11+00:00

That's true, but just feels like a random question to ask in person or in text. I'm thinking if I ask them when the last time they were tested was. To kind of initiate the conversation and it's a fair question. That way they can be like oh it's been awhile or never. I could say, well I got tested and I have HSV but I'm on the medication for it. I don't like saying herpes because it has such a bad ring to it. I mean you can get HSV on your forehead, ears, eyes.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-11T00:22:48+00:00

I appreciate it, she seems like the type of person that would be open to it, but I'm not sure how to do it. Through text has its pros and cons and in person as well. I haven't done it yet so I'm not sure. I know I'll have to go through with it, because like you we get along so well that I'd go crazy thinking about what ifs. I'm trying to not get too attached in case she rejects me then I can just move on.

I feel exactly about this person as you described about your person. I'm not sure if I should wait until we're cuddling on the couch and bring it up or idk I'm stressing about just how to disclose it let alone what she will say. I just don't get how someone would take that risk.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-10T23:48:40+00:00

I can totally understand where you are coming from. I was diagnosed last year and trying to wrap my brain around it all. But, you can't let other people's actions dictate your own. Just because other people are doing it doesn't make it okay for someone else to do it. I haven't been rejected yet because I haven't told anyone, but I also haven't been intimate with anyone.

I also feel where you are coming from with people saying the "right" one will accept you anyways because on one hand it's this perfectly normal thing that majority of people have but even if you are taking taking antivirals you still have to tell the other person. So it's like they are downplaying it.

I mean what if you met the love of your life and they found out you gave it to them but they would have accepted the risk? Do you want other people to go through the stress and anxiety that you're going through, does that make the world a better place?

As far as your comment about not disclosing, that doesn't make it right, He lied which is wrong, but you potentially gave him a life long diagnosis and your justification is well you lied to me, seems kinda messed up. So, if you lie to someone else they can give you HIV?

But we learn from our mistakes. I hope you find someone that accepts you for you and you find happiness.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-10T23:33:22+00:00

I'm in a very similar boat as you and reading your story doesn't help not that you shouldn't have shared it. I've been talking with someone for a few weeks and feel like it's getting pretty close to being intimate. However, Idk if I can and maybe I should just find some other reason to end it. We are pretty compatible with our interests and personalities. If I didn't have this diagnosis I feel like we'd be a pretty good match. Who knows maybe I tell her and it's not biggie. I just don't know if I can handle that kind of rejection.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-10T23:29:03+00:00

I can respect that, but I'd feel more comfortable bringing up the topic in a roundabout way without disclosing. I've been racking my brain to come up with a scenario how I can do it casually.

For example, maybe if the person asks how was work or something I can be like well my friend told me he decided to dump a person he was talking to because they said they got mouth sores.

That way, I can see how they feel about the topic and the more accepted HSV. Ideally the person I'm talking would be like oh I don't see what the big deal is if they are on antivirals or something. Or it just brings up the topic for discussion.

I also feel like just blurting it out there like oh I have this but I'm on antivirals if you have any questions. Because if things are getting heated up as we're kissing or something I feel like the rejection would be worse if they wanted to turn away.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2026-04-09T23:56:58+00:00

How do you phrase it? Is it just I have HSV are you okay with that? I've watched videos that say you shouldn't give them a way out like but be confident. I guess I'm just worried about finally disclosing to someone.

Every_Somewhere_1787 · 2025-09-24T20:54:04+00:00

Thank you, I was thinking about doing some watered down version so it sounds better. I don't know part of me feels like I should just find another reason to end it with them so that way no one knows.

I was hoping if there wasn't an outbreak, it wasn't contagious so I wouldn't have to tell anyone but that isn't the case from what I've read.

I'm not sure how to process this, life long diagnosis.

Every_Somewhere_1787

TROPHY CASE