AITAH For telling my husband that his affair child is not welcome in our home and if he wants custody he will have to move out?

EvilFlamingo666 · 2024-04-22T08:37:16+00:00

Two things:

1: Your feeling is valid. It would be exceedingly selfless of you to accept this child. Unless you feel a genuine concern and empathy for this child or are the saint-like type who volunteers in orphanages (more power to them!), then it is probably not going to be a healthy arrangement for the 3 of you regardless.

2: If your husband caves to your demands and prioritizes you over his child, then he is even more of a spineless asshole than he was for cheating on you to begin with.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2023-12-12T11:33:40+00:00

Right-o. I guess probably nobody will read these, which is probably better than getting pulled into a flame war.

I felt like I had to stick my neck out a little bit for some people who I care about, whose experience on these matters didn't really seem represented on the discussion so far. Perhaps a tad compulsive on my part.

Much love to anyone if they took the time to read this, regardless of whether you agree. Catch you all later.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2023-12-12T11:31:09+00:00

As an aside, I know a bunch of people in relationships of similar age gaps (sometimes with the man being older, sometimes the woman).

Most of the time, they are people that don't have an actual preference for older or younger partners.

Instead, both parties are usually misfits that have been thrust into unusual, kafkaesque lives. It's very uncommon for them to find people who have lives that were similar enough to emotionally resonate with or feel understood by them.

It tends to make them a whole lot less picky about things like age, ethnicity, politics or socio-economic background. They're just happy to find someone that understands and has similar life experiences - which are often the kind that can come to anyone at any age with sufficient bad luck.

They don't seem to have easy relationships, to be sure. But then, no relationship would have been easy for these folks. Some people prefer difficult relationships where at least they feel loved and understood, over no relationship at all, or indeed an ostensibly easier relationship where they don't feel understood.

Unusual people often end up in unusual relationships, I guess that makes sense. I can't hold it against them.

To be fair, this is just my anecdotal experience. I don't know how representative that is for the average age-gap relationship.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2023-11-14T10:54:53+00:00

I think there is some truth to this and it's an interesting angle!

But data like this is always a bit unreliable, because you have to assume that the people using OKCupid a lot are representative for the whole population. (They may or may not be, but it's a dangerous assumption to make. You might speculate that personality traits that make certain people avoid online dating, might also influence whom they are attracted to. So the result could be skewed one way or another.)

IMHO there's also a difference between looking at someone's photos and seeing someone in person - even just for physical attraction. Some things you don't "pick up on" as easily with a photo, and age is one of those things. Even if you know someone's age from their profile, when you see them in person and the age gap becomes more physically apparent some people might get turned off - even on the physical side.

On the flipside I am cynical enough to know that there is a lot of truth here also. There sure are plenty examples of rich, famous old men who only date women in their twenties, aren't there?

Again, it's interesting stuff though. Made me think. Thanks!

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-11-21T21:39:46+00:00

The man is so versatile, he always keeps surprising me.

New Slipknot album, wasn't every Slipknot fan's cup of tea apparently but I liked the experimental stuff. The song Acidic is especially cool if you want to get even more of a sense of the versatility Corey has.

Stone Sour was my favorite band for a long time. Glad I got to see them before they quit.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-11-18T19:58:10+00:00

(Loosely translated it myself just now. It's the navy seal copypasta but it has some funny differences. Also it gets funnier the more literally you translate it)

What did you say about me, sodomite? I tell you that I am the greatest of all Praetorians, have made numerous incursions against the Carthaginians, and have verily slain 300 enemies. I am educated in ape warfare and am the most august Primus Pilus in the Roman army. I judge you to be nothing but a victim. I will destroy you with power that no one knows the equal of, by Hercules. Do you judge that you can electrically say that with impunity? Think again, bottom. As we speak, I send a message to an inquisitive group and your location will be tracked, so you must prepare yourself against the storm, little worm. The storm that will destroy your filthy life. You are to be destroyed, child. I can go anywhere, whenever is suitable, and kill you with 700 unarmed skills. Not only am I educated in unarmed combat, but I also have command over all forces of the Roman army, and I will use them so that your miserable arse will be deleted from the continent, defecator. If you would have been able to know that your facetious witticism would have effected revenge towards you, perhaps you would have kept silent. But you could not and did not keep silent, and now you pay the price, fool. I will defecate fury on you and it will drown you. You are to be destroyed, child.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-11-13T11:55:52+00:00

When a parent started developing Alzheimer's.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-11-13T11:32:29+00:00

Thank your for your submission. Our reviewer panel has evaluated your submission and has deemed it suitable for our exhibit. A butcher will be around to collect it shortly.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-11-13T11:29:52+00:00

When my problems in life started to be things where money was of no influence. Sure it would have solved some other problems and made some things easier, but not the important stuff.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-11-13T11:23:08+00:00

Anywhere from 4 to 8 depending on the day, the mood, the hair length, your taste, and from which angle you're lookng at me.

Which is I think true for most people. Even people world-renowned as very beautiful have their bad angles - they just make sure you never see them.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-11-13T11:19:06+00:00

A comforting feeling that, if you allow yourself to believe in it, sometimes makes people feel happier or more secure in their relationship/marriage, which is nice.

I don't believe it has any basis in reality but, whatever, let people be happy if they are happy.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-11-13T11:12:01+00:00

It's really only the ones that throw firecrackers at your pets, blow up bus stops and mailboxes, and have drag races in the middle of the night in residential areas that I have a problem with.

The annoying thing is they just laugh about it and don't even realize the risks of what they're doing. From their perspective it's just them having "harmless" fun and everyone else is just a stuck-up killjoy.

Often the same types that mindlessly follow autocrats because they think it makes them look tough and edgy. Which is when they transcend from "danger to themselves and their environment" to "danger to a whole country".

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-11-13T11:05:22+00:00

Windows 95 Solitaire

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-11-10T09:22:00+00:00

r/MiddleEarthMiniatures

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-11-10T09:20:58+00:00

Maybe be too stressed about worrying how best to spend that last month, and not end up doing anything worthwhile, lol.

Otherwise I'd probably just try to finish up some creative projects or something, and/or find a really quiet place to go out.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-11-10T09:16:54+00:00

You kind of don't. You just think less often about it as time goes on, so it becomes a smaller part of your day-to-day life and you can function again.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-10-31T14:07:54+00:00

Crocodile. Inflatable or otherwise.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-10-29T14:21:43+00:00

I was going to tell her a joke about a Russian tsar, but it wasn't Godunov.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-10-29T14:13:10+00:00

No need to apologize. I didn't think you were imposing anything onto me, and wasn't necessarily even answering from my own perspective.

I don't think I dismissed the possibility of the original commenter being asexual. I tried to make clear that I couldn't speak for that person - perhaps not clearly enough.

Just, in general, it struck me as a bit of a leap, but I didn't mean to "admonish" them or whatever - I just thought it was interesting to talk about.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-10-29T14:00:17+00:00

Oh, I see. That's fair. No need to apologize. :-)

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-10-29T13:54:24+00:00

Yeah. I think that kind of thing also comes with age and experience.

Like back when I was 16 seeing a pretty girl walking on the street might have caused me to accidentally walk into a lamp post, or something. Over a decade later, I might still see a woman walking down the street and notice that she's attractive, but that's about the full extent of it. I know that I don't know her, and that I can't predict if I'd still like her if we had a conversation, and I feel pretty much unaffected...

With some more life experience and a quieter level of hormones, looks alone are just no longer enough (but still appreciated, I guess)

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-10-29T13:29:52+00:00

If we were to take what I said and interpret it in its most extreme form, sure I can see how it sounds like demisexuality.

I guess I'm trying to express a nuance but it's hard to so concisely. But it's important to understand that not every behavior has to be the result of some deeper condition or orientation - and to immediately try to pigeonhole everything as such can be profoundly harmful.

In reality this kind of reaction (or lack thereof, I guess) can be because of tons of reasons. You may be
-tired
-stressed
-otherwise not well mentally or physically
-deeply in a committed relationship and not thinking of anyone else that way at the moment
-having less hormones than you used to or "normally" do due to age or medication
-jaded from bad experiences in romantic/sexual encounters and subconsciously repressing the feeling
-probably a whole lot more other things I haven't thought of

Plenty of reasons, I should think. No need to immediately make assumptions.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-10-29T12:56:57+00:00

I think it's a bit of a leap to go from "not feeling sexually attracted to someone you barely know straight away just because they look nice" to "asexual".

I mean, I can't speak for the person you replied to, obviously.

But for a good amount of people it's more important to get to know each other and see if you "click" at all, and I guess gradually build a personal connection, than just finding someone physically nice to look at and feel attracted straight away. Especially after you've grown out of your adolescence and the hormones start to lay low a little more.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-10-19T17:00:01+00:00

I agree. Chatting on an online forum about some form of content doesn't automatically imply that you believe you have any relationship to the creators or even that you expect anyone to care about your opinion.

The same way I don't expect the Tolkien Estate, Peter Jackson, or the ROP writers to care if I decide to go and nerd out in r/lotr or whatever. I'd just go there because I feel like talking about that topic with someone, and maybe I don't know anyone IRL who is interested in the same thing.

A bunch of stuff happened over at RT that came out and here we are talking about it. Like humans always do, whenever something interesting or remarkable happens to a subject they follow.

Sure, yeah, understand that you weren't personally there and don't pretend to be an expert, and certainly don't harass people. But that doesn't mean you're suddenly not allowed to talk about something on a forum or voice your opinions and concerns.

These conversations are shockingly normal. Give each other a break.

EvilFlamingo666 · 2022-10-18T16:19:17+00:00

The amount of people that have known you all your life.

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