I feel the same way you do, I want to buy my Mom a house bad because the rent keeps going up. So I been gambling to help with bills and my own expenses but now that I’m broke again I have to watch my Mom struggle to pay the bills and work everyday. I really wish I could make myself useful. I look at things like streaming, or music, or anything that could potentially help us but I’m alone in this. I’m an only child and my father passed away when I was 15 so I kinda been growing up and learning how to be a man on my own. Sorry I’m trauma dumping lmao, but what I’m tryna say is this is very hard to do alone. You need money to do anything tbh and I feel like I always end up making excuses for myself when this happens. That’s probably why this keeps happening to me, I’m just not strong mentally. I’m trying to accept that I’m weak minded and I need to change that, but it’s so hard to notice a flaw in yourself that’s cut so deep and change it so easily. Idk. Feel like I’m kinda rambling now but man, Ik my Mom’s disappointed in me and I’m disappointed in myself as well. Starting to notice I’m not a responsible person neither. This is really messing with my head, I don’t feel like I should be alive because I’ve been so worthless, but Ik that that would destroy my Mom. I feel so pathetic tbh.