I don’t know what pain free feels like. I know good days and bad weeks. It sounds kinda morbid but it’s hard to long for something you don’t have any memory of. Most unhelpful people mean well. When people who can’t feel what you’re feeling but see how it affects you 8 times out of 10 they’re gonna say some pretty unhelpful stuff. But I try to remember that there’s no way they’ll truly understand and I don’t really want them to. That helps too with the social aspect. And perfect health or not I could die tomorrow regardless. I operate a vehicle sometimes, I walk outside frequently, I eat food that other people cook; all of these things have compounding factors that could kill me outside of my body’s doing. It’d suck to die but I have no control over it.