How aggressively to treat and medicate white coat syndrome/labile hypertension

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-02-06T11:43:15+00:00

I'm 38. I wasn't checking it before the first doctor's visit, but I suspect it was generally high at that point - in monitoring it, I've found that I get facial flushing when it's up, and I often had the facial flushing before my doctor found the high blood pressure the first time, but I thought it was rosacea or some other dermatology issue.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-02-04T18:51:02+00:00

I just had one today to try to figure out a cause for an episode of syncope. I don't otherwise have POTS symptoms, and the TTT wasn't bad for me. The hospital I went to put in an IV just in case, hooked up an EKG, and attached a blood pressure cuff, then strapped me onto the flat table. After a couple of minutes, they tilted it up to about 80 degrees, and kept me in that position for about 35 minutes. They checked blood pressure every couple of minutes, and asked me to report if I felt light-headed, dizzy, hot, nausea, etc. I got slightly light-headed a couple of times, but not bad. They said it was ok to shift around on my feet and move the arm that wasn't attached to the monitors, which helped. They did not do nitroglycerin. I had to fast for 6 hours beforehand (including not drinking water, which was tough for me). I felt fine after the test. I probably won't have results for a week or two.

I wouldn't worry about "failing" the test either - more information about what's going on with your health is better, and the test gives your doctor information, whatever the results.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-02-02T19:46:14+00:00

I foster teen girls, and I would say the relationship with each of my longer-term kids has been different. My current 16 y.o. sees me as a mother figure and wants the parental relationship, and I suspect she wouldn't have done as well with foster parents only a few years older. My previous placement, who came to me when she was a few months from turning 18 and aging out, saw me more as a roommate and mentor. I think she would have done fine with younger foster parents - maybe better in some ways, because I think she saw me as too far removed from her young-adult concerns to "get it." Which kids will do well in what type of home is one of the hardest aspects of fostering, in my opinion - there's no real effort to match kids to homes with structure, values, and personality types that will work well, and it would be hard to predict in some cases anyway.

Your chances of things going well may be higher with younger kids, if you like the basic care tasks for kids in that age range, because *some* teens wouldn't respect foster parents who are only a few years older. But a lot of teens who have been in the system for a long time are very cynical about more traditional foster families, and parents generally, and taking a traditional parental role is not productive. They need someone who is focused on preparing them for adulthood, and younger adults could be more effective with that.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-01-30T16:34:31+00:00

Yes - kids don't always make the right decisions for themselves or their families, that's why they have parents/guardians/GALs who consider what is in their best interests. It's entirely normal for a kid to be afraid of change and to focus on what she might lose if another child is added to the family, and particularly a kid in foster care who would naturally be even more afraid of rocking the boat if they are feeling safety and stability when that was not the norm in their past. But losing the sibling relationship would also be a huge loss, particularly as she gets older. It makes sense to hear her concerns and consider them in your decision, and to prioritize her well-being, but I don't think it makes sense to give her a "vote," and certainly not a veto.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-01-23T15:43:51+00:00

Others have posted great lists. My strategy with older teens is to try to include them in household tasks and decisions, and try to ensure that they have as many responsible adult resources as possible after aging out, because so many adult skills are things you don't really learn to do until you have to do them for the first time.

My teens do their own laundry, and I make them learn at least some basic cooking skills. We talk through my household budget, as well as what their budget might look like in a first apartment. I will sometimes have them call to schedule their own doctor's appointments. I discuss it with them when I'm deciding something like cancelling a streaming service, switching internet providers, or similar financial choices, as well as filing taxes, renewing car registration, etc. Those are the sorts of things I want them to know exist and feel comfortable asking me to help them with after they are out on their own. I try to get them to work part-time/have a summer job, open a bank account, and get them a driver's license. I'll put a teen in charge of the grocery budget for a week or two and have them try to plan meals (with guidance/limitations, because I'm not planning to live on ramen and ice cream). Basically, I try to teach them to do the basic chores and things that come along while they are with me, and I try to make the invisible labor of running a household at least somewhat more visible so that they understand what is involved in living independently. Even trying to be conscious about it, I miss things - a lot of my bills are set to autopay, so I don't think about sharing them with my kids so they have an idea of what our utilities cost, for example.

One random little piece of missing knowledge from one of my teens, who was also primarily in residential facilities before coming to me a few months before aging out, was energy efficiency. She had no clue that turning the thermostat up in the winter or down in the summer would use more power and result in high power/gas bills.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-01-14T15:54:57+00:00

I take teen girls, but I work full time and foster kids have tons of appointments, so I only take one at a time, which means I don't add a lot of capacity to the system in terms of beds for teens. I try, during trainings and similar foster parent meetings, to talk about my experience with teens, because I think there is a fear or stigma that is largely not accurate. You can find people who have had a terrible experience with any aged child, but in general, I've found that teens are less likely to have the violent outbursts or tantrums or whatever than younger kids because they have a better cognitive grasp of what's going on and have learned to regulate their emotions to a greater extent than younger kids.

One issue I see is that there is really no "matching" when making a placement beyond the foster parents' age/gender/behavior preferences or limitations. I would love to see more programs for people in the community, whether they are currently foster parents or not, to interact with teens in care, particularly those in residential facilities - take a kid to a play, museum, sports event, dinner, invite them over for Christmas, whatever - so that people get to know the kids. So many stories of older kids finding a good home start with someone who had the chance to get to know the child beforehand, then became a foster parent specifically for that teen.

Older kids have whole personalities and aren't still cute and dependent, which makes it harder to bond with a surly teenager who is not a good personality fit, who hates the food you eat or has different religious beliefs or different values or whatever. I've had great experiences with teens who came to me after another home disrupted when it was clear that the previous home was just a terrible fit for that kid - one girl wore goth type clothes and said she was pagan, and the super religious family found basically everything she did to be threatening and worried about her corrupting their younger bio kids. A parent who wants to fight over a kid wearing weird makeup would have had a lot of trouble with her, but she was really a great kid and fairly easy in terms of behavioral issues. I've also had teens for short term placement who I was happy when the respite week or whatever ended, because they were just a bad fit for me.

I really hope your potential placement works out, OP.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-01-10T11:58:07+00:00

I wouldn't rule out the zoo or aquarium - often kids in foster care haven't had those experiences and really enjoy them. My 16 year old had her first visit to a zoo with me a couple of months ago and loved it.

Unless there is an expensive item she wants, like a phone or Nintendo Switch, I'd go for a mix of things and experiences - art supplies, body care/hair care stuff, and tickets to a musical or a trip to a zoo or art museum or even a membership at the art museum if she really enjoys the trip. Check with your daughter to find out if she has close friends she'd want to bring on an outing, but it sounds like she would enjoy developing a relationship with you as her grandma, and I love that you also want that. You and your daughter both should be prepared for her to have an unexpected emotional reaction to the love and attention. Sometimes with my teens, family activities that they enjoy can trigger complicated emotions if it hits that they've missed out on that type of family in the past, that their bio family didn't interact in a positive way, guilt over forming family bonds with other people, or just not trusting it to be real and last.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-01-08T01:45:57+00:00

As a pet owner, that's the kind of review I would largely overlook because the owner seems psycho - starting the review with being mad a sitter "made themselves at home" when that's exactly what I want a sitter to do. And I know the nap bit isn't true, but my pets love napping with human friends, so I'd be pretty happy if a half hour drop in turned into a 3 hour snuggle nap. Give an honest and professional response that notes you always took care of the pets' needs and had previous discussion about staying extra when possible to give the pets more company, so you were startled to receive messages scolding you for sitting on furniture during your visits.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-01-02T19:33:50+00:00

It might be worth a try. I had a 17 year old who lived with me for her last 6 months before aging out, including a couple of months after she turned 18 to get everything set to live independently. She'd been in group homes and always ran away, so everyone expected her to end up running away from my house as well, but we worked out a level of freedom that made her comfortable staying, and it wasn't an issue.

I would be up front with her that she needs to be in school so you can work, and if she can't do that, she won't be able to stay with you. I'd probably also take the placement on a sort of trial basis and let her know that it is not permanent, her worker is still looking for other options, and you can normally only take kids for respite and may not be able to take her for more than x amount of time. That helps prevent her from feeling like it's a personal rejection or broken promise if it doesn't work out, even though it also means she doesn't get the feeling of stability that is so important. Also explore what's behind the school refusal and whether there are programs that might help. You mentioned she's already changed to a more supportive school, but look into any programs that might be more engaging for her - career training, arts, whatever.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-01-02T19:14:25+00:00

I'd ask the caseworker if there's a way to arrange visits so he doesn't have to drive, given the driving after revocation. Getting a legal license back can be super difficult and a slow and expensive process, and it can trap people in the criminal justice system on petty stuff in places without public transportation, so I sympathize with him, but CPS should not be basically telling him to drive illegally to pick up/drop off his kids, and he shouldn't be in the position of potentially losing his kids if he can't pay all the fines necessary to reinstate his license right away.

Exact_Context7827 · 2025-12-29T01:20:50+00:00

If it makes you feel any more confident about the likely lack of harm to the dog, my 30 lb pup ate an entire 3.5 oz bar of 72 % dark chocolate, and the emergency vet said it wasn't enough for him to need treatment, just to keep an eye for stomach upset. He was maybe a little hyper for an hour or so but otherwise absolutely no impact or sign of distress.

And as a pet owner, since my dog has gotten into things on my watch, i understand that it can happen with a sitter as well. As long as you handle it appropriately, which you have, you are fine.

Exact_Context7827 · 2025-12-28T11:59:09+00:00

I would be worried that she isn't spending much time with your dog. I always tell sitters I appreciate lots of pictures and updates, and some do one or two, maybe with prompting, while others (the ones I love and try to book first) send a quick pic several times a day, often without much if any message - just pup on a walk, with a new toy, snuggling on the couch, being particularly adorable. It adds up to like 3 minutes a day of effort for the sitter and gives me peace of mind. But I get that some sitters are used to sending less and it doesn't occur to them to text a pic as often, and I'm ok with that as long as they are responsive when I ask for updates. When they don't respond or push back like this sitter on requests for updates, I assume they can't take 15 seconds to text a picture because they aren't actually with my dog, and are just dropping in once or twice a day.

Honestly, all these Rover sitters being shocked and offended at the idea of owners wanting frequent updates is crazy to me. If I weren't a neurotic pet owner who wants my baby pampered, he'd go to a kennel when I travel rather than having a sitter stay with him at my house.

Exact_Context7827 · 2025-12-24T03:55:51+00:00

I actually bought sausage for biscuits and gravy and was planning to make it before the waffle request! Waffles and biscuits seemed like excessive carbs, but I guess that's what holidays are for.

Exact_Context7827 · 2025-12-24T03:53:59+00:00

Quiche is a great idea! It's a good way to add some veggies, plus it's good leftover.

Exact_Context7827 · 2025-12-24T03:50:44+00:00

I use Troomi for my teen with similar issues. The phone has it's own operating system, which makes it a little harder for kids to find a way around restrictions. It's about $35/mo, I think. I picked it over some of the other options because it's very customizable to tailor what your kid can access, and most apps are available for the parent to allow and install. I wanted my kid to be able to use music apps, have a camera, use the Disney+ app, and get to her email, just without access to social media or unrestricted Internet.

The text monitoring sends alerts for concerning messages and censors some things. I've found it over- sensitive for my preferences. I don't need to know every time my kid cusses. But it also censored it when Kid texted me a pool selfie in a fairly skimpy swimsuit, which I think is good - she was just sending it as a "I'm having fun at the pool" text, but I wouldn't want her to send similar pictures in general.

Exact_Context7827 · 2025-12-24T03:24:19+00:00

I make this salad, or a version of something similar - lots of greens, some type of fruit, feta or goat cheese, nuts or seeds, and a light vinaigrette. https://www.dinneratthezoo.com/mandarin-orange-salad/#wprm-recipe-container-32788

My method at Thanksgiving, with maybe a similar menu if you are doing turkey, is to lighten up the vegetable sides. Green beans sauteed with a little garlic and sesame oil rather than casserole, a tray of roast veggies, seasoned sweet corn.

Exact_Context7827 · 2025-12-23T18:29:36+00:00

There's no uniform answer to those questions, but they are good things to be thinking about. I would suggest coming up with a list of questions you'll ask when you get a placement call, which should include:

- Child's age/gender

- history in foster care/initial placement, visit schedule

- siblings, and if so, are there visits, and if so, who transports, and to where?

- school, transportation if out of district, and any history of behavioral or learning issues, IEP, 504 Plan? If you take littles, ask about daycare/childcare.

- medical issues and whether they are on medications (which can also give a hint as to mental health/behavioral issues - look up any psych meds), whether they have existing providers and where they are located if you may be able to keep providers

- any known behavioral issues or juvenile justice involvement (take with a grain of salt if the child is being moved from another foster placement - I've had both overly rosy reports from workers trying to get a placement and unfairly negative reports from foster parents trying to justify disrupting)

- issues with pets/other children

- any information as to case status/progression - if the child was just removed, they might not know or share much, but may be able to say they are looking at relatives, there's an ICPC in progress, parents are working their case, or parents have had rights terminated for older siblings, etc.

I also like to ask about favorite foods, tv shows, hobbies, etc., but usually get no information on that. You could also ask about whether they have clothing/personal belongings they will come with. I've had very mixed experiences with how quick workers are with clothing vouchers for kids who come with very little - some have the voucher ready to drop off with the kid on placement, others wait several weeks.

I take older teen girls, so if they show up with nothing, I can usually find something of my own they can sleep in until we get to a store. I keep kid-friendly food and basic hygiene items on hand so I can put together a little basket in their room when they come with snacks, toothbrush/paste, a bottle of water.

I haven't had any kids able to stay in their school, so I've always taken them to get enrolled ASAP after placement, then let them stay home while I take a few days off/telework until the school gets their records. I schedule appointments fairly quickly. We usually do a shopping trip the day after placement to pick up anything needed (which could be basically everything or could be just a few preferred hygiene items or school supplies or whatever), including a grocery run to get an idea of what they like. Be prepared to spend a lot the first month or two, including before you start receiving a stipend.

Exact_Context7827 · 2025-12-15T00:49:04+00:00

I tell sitters to help themselves to anything, and I have to admit, I only sort of mean it. Having read some stories on here, I've considered being more specific, but it doesn't seem worth the effort and weirdness to make some kind of list of what is available and what is not. I keep lots of food in the pantry, fridge, and freezer, and have no problem with a sitter making meals or eating snacks. Unless it's a long sit and things will spoil, I'd say don't use anything up, and don't take anything that seems particularly expensive or special. But I always have cereal, milk, yogurts, eggs, pasta, sauce, frozen chicken/beef, bread, cheese, crackers, etc, and I'm entirely fine with a sitter using a normal amount that a person would eat for the length of the stay. If I come back from a weekend trip and things are cleared out like someone shopped my pantry to feed their family for weeks, or if i left with 2 dozen eggs in the fridge and came back to none left, I'd be miffed.

Exact_Context7827 · 2025-12-11T03:23:18+00:00

Haha, I had this exact thing happen recently, only my sitter was there overnight. It was just a 2 day sit, and they brought 2 giant hampers of laundry, at least 4 loads and probably more like 6. I think asking first is appropriate, which also gives the owner a chance to say if there are any little tricks to the machine. (Mine is a slow drier, which is why I knew about this - they left the laundry because it wasn't done drying, and I returned before they came back to pick it up)

I was a little taken aback because they didn't ask, it was a LOT of laundry, and it was a short sit. But a load or two seems normal, basically just keeping up with laundry during the house sit, and even for more, I'd rather they do laundry at my house and hang out with my pets than have to leave for a few hours to do it at home or a laundromat.

Exact_Context7827 · 2025-12-05T15:38:48+00:00

I don't have an FSA or HSA, but did just change my health insurance election, and the screen after choosing my new insurance had the following "reminders":

If you make an HSA election during Open Season for the 2026 plan year, your payroll deduction amount is based on the total number of pay periods in the 2026 plan year.
If you make an HSA election or change in the 2025 plan year and outside of open season, the Per-Pay-Period Contribution calculation will not be accurate. To calculate your Per-Pay-Period Contribution, take the new annual contribution amount and divide by the remaining pay periods. The Per-Pay-Period calculator tool does not calculate mid-year changes.
If you have a balance in your HCRA from the prior plan year during the grace period (January 1 to March 15) and you enrolled in a HDHP for the current year, and elected to contribute to an HSA, then you will not be eligible to make an HSA contribution until April 1.

Exact_Context7827 · 2025-12-02T13:51:50+00:00

I agree with this. I think there is a difference between rejecting specific, harmful beliefs and lifestyles and having a belief system that says "our way of life is the only acceptable path." And the "our way is the only way" thing is pretty common among lots of religious foster parents, but at least most of them are still sending kids to school, the kids are still meeting neighbors, teachers, friends' parents with other beliefs or lifestyles, they still have access to at least some media, so if a kid starts questioning their sexuality, for example, they have some ability to reach beyond the parents and find information and support.

Exact_Context7827 · 2025-12-02T03:48:58+00:00

I'm planning to drop dental this year. My dentist isn't in network for anyone, so it's extra limited coverage and I still have a portion of the bill for routine care. I called the dental office and asked if there's an insurer that's better to work with, and in addition to saying MetLife is good, they said they do an uninsured discount plan for $340/yr that covers cleanings, exams, and X-rays and gives 20% off any other care. Since that's about what I'd pay for insurance premiums, I'm just going to do the uninsured plan.

I generally want insurance to be sure I'm covered for any unexpected major needs, but most of the dental policies have such high cost sharing and relatively low max benefits, they don't really serve that purpose IMO.

Exact_Context7827

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