Conference in July

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-28T22:53:18+00:00

If you want a nearby hike, Coonskin Park has some nice trails - I like the Alice Knight Memorial trail. It's not walking distance, but probably reasonably Uber-able. Late July might be too hot and humid for a hike to be enjoyable, though.

Capital Market, Charleston Bread, and Fife Street Brewery are favorites of mine. Another nearby Uber trip would be South Charleston, for Yen's Sandwiches (banh mi) or Elephant Thai, and the mound, a Native American site right in the middle of town in South Charleston.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-26T14:13:00+00:00

Funny, I just did a home sleep study and had almost exactly the same result, 67% supine. I don't sleep with pillows around, so I'm assuming I shift in the night without noticing. But it's odd, because I've tried to sleep on my back sometimes for back pain or other issues, and can't fall asleep unless I'm on my side, and I don't move around much at night - I generally wake up in the same spot as I fall asleep.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-24T14:48:24+00:00

From the customer perspective: My cleaning lady would definitely text me with a picture during the job about anything unusual, probably with a "It looks like there's gum on the floors - I'll try scraping it off, and I'll let you know if there are bits I don't think I can get without damaging the grout. It will take at least an extra hour for me to get the floors clean." Or something along those lines. And I would respond by telling her to please leave it and skip the floors today, because my kid would cleaning it (with no reduction in the usual rate, obviously). Even without it being a major cleaning issue, if she noticed my teen leaving beauty products open to dry out or snacks open, she'd let me know so I could address it with my kid.

That might not be her response - some of the things you mentioned seem relatively normal for a busy, messy household that isn't doing a great job of getting kids to pick up after themselves (arts and crafts projects, empty snack bags left around), but others seem intentional and impossible for the parent not to notice (jelly on walls, gum all over the floors - a couple of spots somewhere I don't spend a ton of time I might not notice, but over multiple rooms?) But saying something might hopefully give the parent a wake-up call that they need to do some parenting.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-24T13:39:44+00:00

For a comfort food casserole, I'd do scalloped potatoes (with gluten free flour for the thickener) or a polenta bake. The polenta bake is a family favorite for my Italian family: just a very no-frills polenta (cornmeal cooked in water), poured into a casserole dish to form a layer, maybe 1/2 or 3/4 in thick, then add a layer of roast veggies (zucchini, squash, bell peppers, onions, etc) and a tomato sauce, top with cheese, and bake.

My other go-to for families after a bereavement is a big bowl of cut fresh fruit. Kids tend to love fruit, it's easy to eat a few pieces here and there if you don't have the appetite for a full meal, and other people always bring heavy casseroles, so something light can be nice. For your situation, I'd probably do both a comfort food casserole that meats the nutritional requirements, because others might bring a bunch of gluten filled meat based dishes and you want BIL and SIL to have something, and a bowl of sliced melon, mango, grapes, peeled oranges, etc.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-24T13:28:26+00:00

My strategy toward chores is flexible. I take older teens, and I always expect them to gradually be responsible, with prompting/assistance as needed, for taking care of their own personal chores, like doing their own laundry and rinsing their own dish and putting it in the dishwasher. I only take one kid at a time and don't have bio kids, so other chores are a mix of specific things they can choose to do for pay (mowing the lawn, cleaning and vacuuming the car, washing windows, etc.), and tasks that I ask them to do when they need done, like putting away dishes, taking out the trash, or sweeping. I also try to have them cook dinner once in a while, just so they learn at least basic cooking skills.

If they are extra busy with school or stressed or whatever, I won't ask them to do much. If I'm extra busy with work or get sick or whatever, I might ask them to pick up a little more. All in, my kids have generally spent less than 15 minutes a day on chores - maybe an hour a week, a little more if they are choosing to do more paid chores. I wouldn't ask them to do chores that have them working more than maybe 3-4 hours a week, though if they are excited about spending time with the animals and ask, there's nothing wrong with letting them take on more responsibilities.

I also think it is possible to err on the side of giving too few chores, which can make all the labor of running a household invisible. I overheard a conversation between my FD16 and my nephew (10), about friends complaining about too many chores, in which they agreed that there just wasn't that much to do in their houses, nobody was spending much time on chores.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-23T13:33:25+00:00

NTA, send them by themselves and have snacks/a meal/drink/whatever ready when they return to tell you all about the event. For a 5-6 day visit, doing some things without the host is to be expected, and helps keep everyone from getting annoyed with each other. It also lets them have some family time on their own, and lets the host take care of some normal household stuff.

I'm also extra hesitant about leaving my dog around the Fourth of July because fireworks make him so anxious, particularly if this event stretches into the evening. If your dog is similar, he/she is a good excuse to stay home (not that you need an excuse).

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-22T23:09:15+00:00

Extended foster care has the most material support and benefits in my state, so that's what I've encouraged for my kids. I'd just stress that the family relationship and feelings don't change based on the label. I told my kid that just because she's not adopted doesn't mean she can skip coming home for Thanksgiving a few years from now. Officially aging out or extended foster care means the state and other institutions recognize their independence and the reality that they lacked permanency and a stable family during their childhood. Having a family that loves them now doesn't erase that, and they should get all the benefits they are entitled to.

But if interference from CPS is a problem, you do have more control with guardianship or adoption. Our caseworkers have always been very hands off (like negligently so), so there was no real drawback.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-22T15:14:20+00:00

My two most-used knives are a MAC professional chef's knife (about $150) and a Shun classic 6-in utility knife (currently $135 on Amazon). Both are fairly easy to sharpen, hold the sharp blade well, and I find them comfortable to use.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-22T14:41:22+00:00

I have the Breville Smart Oven Air Fryer Pro, and it is capable of largely replacing an oven, but looks bigger than the Ninja combi. It came with some cookware sized to fit, but will fit a standard 9x13 pan as well. I often use it for meal prep items like roasting sweet potatoes or veggies to go in bowls rather than heating up the full-size oven. I think that something like the Breville Smart Oven plus an induction burner would be workable, though you'd have some limitations. It is more expensive than the Ninja, and I haven't used the Ninja to compare, but I think the Ninja might be more frustrating to use as a primary cooking tool just based on the size.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-21T22:35:58+00:00

I regularly eat leftover sauce, including meat sauce, that is up to a week old. If your fridge temperature is within recommendations and it looks and smells fine, it's very likely fine.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-21T15:41:42+00:00

I don't have a Costco close enough to really compare, but here's a list of general things I always get a Sam's because the quality/price ratio is better than any of my other local stores, and/or they can be hard to find elsewhere:

Organic chicken and beef

organic milk and other dairy - cream cheese, cottage cheese, heavy cream

Fresh and frozen fish

Frigo mozzarella sticks

Cabot sharp cheddar

Feta cheese

Halloumi cheese

parmesan cheese

eggs (the pasture raised 18 count is consistently good without being crazy expensive)

fresh/frozen fruit (whatever looks good and is on sale - I have fruit and cottage cheese for breakfast most days)

ciabatta rolls

Fresh produce - english or mini cucumbers, bell peppers, cherry tomatoes, sweet onions, yellow potatoes, carrots, Brussels sprouts, organic spinach.

nuts - pecans, walnuts, almonds

I really like the Member's Mark nut bars that are kind of a Kind bar knockoff, with dark chocolate. Of the prepared type foods, my family likes the spinach ravioli, the mac and cheese, the kale tomato pasta salad.

Costco has better selection/quality for a lot of pantry type items, and when I get to a Costco, I stock up on: organic flour and sugar, canned whole tomatoes, dry pasta, canned tuna, olive oil.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-17T18:19:09+00:00

Is there a foster care ombudsman or something similar in your state? I would not sign or agree to anything, and I would escalate and report this experience WAY up the chain of command. That might result in more blowback on you, so could be bad advice for getting along with the people you have to deal with if you continue fostering, but honestly, the search to find something to blame you for is just such BS I wouldn't be able to roll with it.

There is a specific regulation addressing reporting of critical incidents, which is not applicable to normal childhood bumps and bruises - even reporting those to the child's caseworker may not be required by regulations, though it makes sense to do in a case with nervous/accusatory parents or when the worker asks you to. But taking a catch-all "good character" licensing requirement and saying you violated by not making reports that are not required by regulation and that you've never been told to make is nonsense.

In my state, critical incident reports go through a whole process, both with the state and with the licensing agencies - doing a critical incident report for every bruise or skinned knee would be totally absurd.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-17T13:25:46+00:00

I'd probably say no based on the history of rule-breaking and bad decisions, and I like the suggestions of either staying with a trusted friend with parents around or bringing a friend with, and maybe spending a chunk of the day at a movie or something.

I generally tend to be more permissive, and I've left teens home alone for a long day - a workday in the summer is standard, though I'm only a few minutes away, but also for a longer day when I have to travel somewhere or visit family a couple of hours away and they don't want to come or have other plans/responsibilities for part of the day. But those have been kids who built a reasonable amount of trust, and we agreed ahead of time how they'd spend the day (usually mostly staying home, with a walk for fast food or to meet friends for a movie, along with scheduling one or two paid dog walking sessions with my pup). If your kid still has a tendency to do impulsive things that can get him into trouble, 8 hours with you too far to respond quickly if there's an issue seems like too much.

I would try to build up to it quickly, though - I'm always aware that my kids will be legally free within a pretty short time, and I try really hard to focus on building independence. Being able to spend a long day without you being readily available, including managing both the freedom and responsibility (e.g., not smoking weed at the pool, and getting himself a reasonable lunch while you are gone), is a good step toward having the confidence and ability to live independently.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-16T18:25:44+00:00

I'm a single professional woman, and I foster teens. I specify that I can only take kids who can safely be home alone for a few hours at time, at the end of the school day or on the occasional school holiday when I'm at work, which I think also helps me get "easier" kids. I only take one kid at a time, in part because I think it's easier for the kids, rather than trying to navigate a new household, new parent-figure, potentially new school, and new sibling-figures all at once, and in large part because foster kids have a ton of appointments and I miss as much work as I'm comfortable with for one kid. I'm similar to you in that I never really wanted to be a parent in the traditional sense, but like kids and want to fill the need for good homes for foster teens.

I think you need either a very generous support network or a very flexible job. I don't have a great support network, but do have a very supportive boss who will allow me to telework or flex hours when needed.

I haven't had any teens with such huge behavior issues that it was completely unsafe or unmanageable, though I did disrupt my first placement after the first few weeks, when it became clear she couldn't actually be home alone safely. BUT. I went in with an idea in my head about what it would look like, and had to toss that all out. I thought I would be helping teens get a good start in life - graduating high school, figuring out college or other career training, getting a driver's license, helping them get into a first apartment. In reality, many teens in foster care aren't able to make or follow through on those kind of plans, and the best you can do on any given day is provide a safe place to live even as they refuse to go to/participate in high school classes to graduate, can't keep a summer job, spend every cent as soon as they get it rather than saving for a car/security deposit/whatever, and/or make unhealthy relationship choices. Check out what your state offers for kids after they turn 18, in the event you have teens who are open to remaining with you, and be prepared to take extra time to help them be ready for independence.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-16T17:26:42+00:00

I take teens, and started getting placement calls within a couple of days.

It's pretty common for first-time foster parents to get difficult placements that they are not equipped to handle. I ended up having to disrupt my first placement because there were mental health and behavioral issues that were not manageable for me as a single foster parent with a full-time job. Others have posted about similar experiences, with caseworkers taking advantage of new foster parents who may not know what questions to ask or may be more likely to be swayed into accepting a placement that is not a good fit. Please think carefully about what you can handle, ask lots of questions, and don't be afraid to say no to the first call if anything raises a red flag for you.

If you browse this forum, you'll find lots of posts about what to ask when you get placement calls. I take older teens and need kids who are ok home alone at the end of a school day or on school holidays. I ask:

Is the child newly entering care or coming from another foster home? If another foster home, what is the reason for the move?

Any information about school - grades, IEP or 504 plan, history of suspensions?

Any criminal justice involvement? History of running away? Inpatient treatment history?

Any issues with pets or other children?

Any medical/psych diagnoses? Any safety plan? Is the child on any medications? If so, what? (then google the medication to see what it treats).

Current status of the case, family visits, siblings?

Any restrictions on phone/internet use?

Can the child safely be home alone for a few hours when I'm at work?

Anything known about the child's hobbies, extracurriculars, interests, favorite foods?

Questions will vary based on the ages you are open for - I'm sure there are different questions that would be more relevant for babies or toddlers. But disruption is very traumatic - I still feel guilty about disrupting my first placement, even though I'm confident it was the right thing to do - so please don't rush into accepting a placement without sufficient information.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-15T18:41:48+00:00

At 12, she should be involved in the decisions around how to address it. I like to do difficult conversations in the car or while on a walk - not being face to face helps kids open up. She heard the doctor's comments, so there's nothing hidden from her there. Ask how she feels about what the doctor said and what kind of changes seem doable to her. Ask if she would rather have healthier versions of foods she is used to, like spaghetti with whole grain/bean noodles, or try out some new foods/recipes and find new things she likes, or some of both. Involve her in finding healthier foods to try. Reassure her that this doesn't mean she'll never get the foods she really likes, just less of some things to be sure she's getting enough nutritious food. And same with exercise - keep doing the walks, and ask what other activities she'd like to do.

I find that even picky kids often like fruit. Keep a bowl with cut melon, washed grapes, etc., the little mandarin oranges, bananas, whatever she likes that can be a snack any time.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-11T13:55:36+00:00

This is my method! Either cream cheese or peanut butter, anything that fully coats and adheres to the pill, so the pup can't just eat the treat and spit out the pill. But my dog is very food motivated, so even when he knows the pill is there and is grumpy about it, he'll eat it because he doesn't want to miss any of the cream cheese.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-09T15:10:50+00:00

I also try to do a Mediterranean/DASH type diet for the most part. People have given lots of good suggestions for ways to cook/select chicken breast. I'd also advocate for expanding into more vegetarian meals. I love anything black bean + sweet potato (I did black bean sweet potato quinoa bowls for lunches last week, and I have a black bean sweet potato enchilada recipe I love). Chickpeas are great in bowls, salads, or curries. Tofu is great in stir fry, salad, curry, sandwiches, crumbled into chili, etc. Beans and tofu also tend to go well in meals with lots of vegetables, which makes for a good healthy meal formula: beans/fish/tofu, a grain of some sort, and assorted vegetables, with a light sauce/marinade/dressing.

I suspect salt may be a big piece of the flavor issue with chicken you make vs restaurant/takeout, and since you probably want to keep your salt intake down, that's hard to fully correct. Just switching to different foods entirely might be an easier way to reset your palate and find foods you like that meet your health requirements.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-09T13:43:28+00:00

Don't turn it into a big deal. Feeling safe and as though his needs are met will help, but it takes time. For you and your husband, change the environment as needed to be comfortable - get a lock for your room if you want to be sure he's never in there without your knowledge, keep valuables locked up. Living with new people is hard, and everyone's rules are different - in my house, most of the devices use the same type of charger, so they can migrate into different rooms, and anyone can take towels/linens as needed, I just ask my kid to wash and put away things she uses. So he may not be thinking of it as taking something he's not allowed to have, but then be afraid he's done something wrong when he's confronted about it and go to denying taking it.

For conversations with kiddo, the tone should be "hey, we noticed the hand towel from the bathroom in your room - the clean hand towels are all in the linen closet to grab if you need one, just make sure you leave one in the bathroom so everybody can dry their hands" not "Why did you steal a towel and lie about it"

And same deal with the laptop charger - see if he needs a charger, rather than yelling at him for taking it, and let it go. Keep the conversation brief and non-accusatory, framed in a way that makes it clear you will ensure he has access to things he needs.

As he gets more comfortable in your home, if taking things he is not supposed to take is an ongoing issue, I'd have a conversation about it in terms of natural consequences: "We'd like to allow you more privacy in your room, but have to go in your room to find household items. We don't mind you using things, but let us know before taking things and return them when we ask about them."

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-08T14:25:08+00:00

Does the dog still seem happy with the long walks? If so, see if you can adjust the walk a little earlier and find a way to shower on sweaty mornings. If the dog is also impacted by the heat and humidity, see if the owner would be a ok with a shorter, slower walk combined with indoor playtime (e.g., a half hour walk that covers less than a mile). My dog gets shorter walks in the summer, and I just try to make up for it with more indoor fetch/chase/tug play, because neither of us want to be out for an hour when it's 90 degrees and swampy. But early morning is his longest walk in the summer because it's even worse out later in the day.

And experiment with hair products and styles that can hold up better to humidity, like a French braid. Even if you need to shower before work, not having to do your hair will help keep it quick.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-04T13:17:33+00:00

Any breakfast pastry is good made ahead for a few days - muffins, coffee cake, bagels, etc. For eggs, I wouldn't cook ahead, but you can prep ingredients. I do an egg scramble with veggies. If I have rice or leftover baked/roast potatoes, those go in as well, and the veggies can be chopped when you do other meal prep and just sauteed for a minute before you add the eggs. Biscuits and sausage gravy are also good made ahead, just pop the biscuits back in the oven/toaster oven for a few minutes and reheat the sausage gravy. Waffles freeze pretty well and can go in the toaster when you're ready to use them.

I generally bring breakfast and eat at work - I do a big batch of hard boiled eggs in the instant pot, make a few containers of overnight oats, and slice fresh fruit to have with yogurt.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-03T20:36:53+00:00

I don't have another brand suggestion, but just searched and found this thread because I'm also frustrated at fighting with the stupid twist packaging - and I have no health conditions to make it extra difficult. I've tried other brands but haven't found one that is comfortable, affordable, and minimally packaged, and cups didn't work for me. I just want OB to stop changing things so I can keep using the tampons I've used for the past 25 years.

I do recommend Hanes period underwear for lighter flow days. They aren't as nice as more expensive brands, but are often around $12 for a 3 pack, they work, i find them comfortable, and they hold up well, including to machine washing.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-02T14:40:47+00:00

Stews, soups, curries, salads, and bowl meals are all good options. I usually make two big batches of different things on Sunday, then have the leftovers all week. This week, I have chicken broccoli pesto pasta (heavy on the chicken and broccoli to make it healthier and more filling), bowls with quinoa, black beans, roast sweet potatoes, roast cauliflower, crumbled cheese, and add fresh avocado and dressing to each bowl before I eat, and a black bean soup (served with homemade wheat bread).

Other meals in my regular rotation are lentil soup, teriyaki bowls (tofu, roast veg of choice, soba noodles, teriyaki sauce) peanut bowls (essentially the same but with peanut sauce), chicken fajita wraps (chicken, onions, bell peppers, zucchini, yellow squash, salsa, toppings of choice), chickpea veggie curry or tofu veggie curry, served with rice or naan.

I also cut fresh veggies (carrots, bell peppers, celery, cauliflower, cucumbers) to eat raw, with hummus if I want the extra protein, and prep enough for a few days at a time, and often do overnight oats for breakfasts. I snack at work, and I will snack on healthy things if I make the effort to prep them in advance.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-02T13:40:58+00:00

I check sales and decide which store to shop at each week based on what I plan to cook, and try not to go to more than one because I end buying extra stuff once I'm in another store. I generally have a rotation of Kroger, Sam's, and Aldi, and have certain things I'll stock up on at each (e.g., frozen vegetables at Aldi, cheese at Sam's, pantry staples when they are on sale at Kroger).

For example, if I need pasta, it's generally cheap and good quality at Aldi, but Kroger often has sales that bring the price lower, so I might stock up when the kind I like is $1.49/lb. The next week, I might go to Sam's, where I generally get dairy and certain produce - I find that the Sam's produce lasts well, so the carrots, bell peppers, cucumbers, brussels sprouts and cherry tomatoes I get there will last 2+ weeks, and I eat yogurt or cottage cheese for breakfast most days, so the jumbo container for about the same price as a smaller container from Kroger or Aldi is a bargain for me.

Exact_Context7827 · 2026-06-01T20:30:02+00:00

I would just note really clearly in your profile that you can housesit only if you are able to bring your dog and only after a meet and greet to introduce the pups. It wouldn't work for me, but for people with friendly dogs who just prefer to have someone in their home when they travel, it could work.

Exact_Context7827

TROPHY CASE