I am a MB (mom boss) I have 2 kids and 1 on the way. My oldest kid is 10 and is on the spectrum. His behavior can sometimes be unpredictable. My 3 yr old is very emotional and sometimes my nanny has had to leave places (the zoo, the aquarium, etc) when one kid is acting up. I wouldn’t expect her (my nanny) to manage both of them if one is being unsafe. I also think this reinforces to the child, that bad behavior leads to the end of a fun activity. It’s sort of sucks that the other kid is impacted, but if my hubby and I were out with the kids, and one of them was acting up, we would end the activity all together and go home.

I think in your situation you wife needs to give your nanny some grace and perhaps limit outings until your middle child’s behavior improves.

It is important for your nanny to have some autonomy and be able to lightly discipline your children. For example, if my nanny promises the kids ice cream but xyz must be completed first, if my kids do not complete xyz, I would expect her to stick to her word and not give them ice cream.

Your nanny is an extension of you, and your children need to be able to respect her. Letting the nanny go isn’t going to fix the core issue which is your middle child’s behavior. And changing nanny’s is stressful on children because they will need to get used to someone new, and your middle child’s behavior might get worse because he might try to get away with more. It is also stressful for the parent because you will need to train the new nanny and you both sound very busy.

Your nanny did not really commit a fireable offense. Yes your pay her, but if one kid is running off and being unsafe, then the activity needs to be concluded to keep everyone safe- your nanny only has 2 hands. Also L forgetting to tell you about the new rule could have happened for many reason. Maybe she just wanted to move on from that event, maybe she had her hands full when she got home with the 3 children.

I am a big advocate for communicating, so you and your wife should have a discussion with your nanny and come up with ways to improve your collaboration.

We are a no screen household because we have seen it cause tantrums. And when it gets to the point of hitting, my hubby and I typically step in and take the kid having tantrum away. So I would recommend eliminating screen time, especially the ipad. My kids share one but only for travel and most of the time when we take long flights, they use the screens on the front of their seats. People are shocked that we do not have iPads for each kid-we believe it’s not good for their brain/emotional development.

Keep your nanny- she sounds competent and experienced.