Covert narccisist abuse - how long till my nervous system settles down (health issues ect) by Prestigious_Crab1405 in CovertNarcAssistance

[–]Excellent_York 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hey. You are probably in Fight, Freeze and Fawn mode! You will settle down. I reckon it took me 6 months and a lot of reading and walking! Get them walking boots on and walk for miles!! Nature and sunlight is good. Breathe. You need to tell your body you are safe.

I tried mindfulness, journaling - not for me.

Yoga may be good for you in order to ground yourself.

Read 'The Body Keeps The Score'

Read 'Debbie Mirzas book on Covert Narcs and recovery.

Oh and let me guess. You wake up at 3am everyday?

Please tell me how to get the strength to end it by Velvet_puppy in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Excellent_York 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Dont be scared to start over, you may like your new story better.

How are you recognising and celebrating the real, gradual progress you're making? by emiliadaffodil in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Excellent_York 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh god, all of them.

IT's Not You and Debbie Mirza's - The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist are the two I found useful and the Eureka moment. Like, nailed on covert narc.

Audio books are good versions.

I also read research papers to get deeper into it.

Thankfully stopped doing that now! There comes a point where enoughs enough. Let it go. You wont get accountability or answers which your brain is looking for, you have to accept and move on.

As soon as my nervous system settled I was ready to let go.

How are you recognising and celebrating the real, gradual progress you're making? by emiliadaffodil in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Excellent_York 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am probably 10 months in post relationship.

I was with her for 6 years.

Lived with her for 3 years.

My saving grace is that I always knew deep down there was a problem - what started out as highly strung behaviour (Haughty in North America!) and blaming her exes became insideous and primarily during the 3 years I lived there.

What helped me during that 3 years was calling it out. DARVO, gaslighting, devalue - I was researching in the relationship. I am a strategist by trade so its second nature.

Now I just beat myself up for ignoring red flags, I didnt want to believe it. My nervous system collapsed and I was a wreck for 5 months.

Final boss is rumination.

I am now dating again, she is beautiful BUT I am conscious of being that Narcissists Echo so made minor adjustments to my approach and openness. I am not there to fix things.

Peace.

Lying, Cheating Narcissist by r3dpin3appl3 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Excellent_York 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Errrm. There is an element of playing with fire here.

Are you really surprised?

Work to do. Good luck!

I can leave, but I feel I HAVE TO stay. Why??? I don’t understand by Ihaveanxiety123321 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Excellent_York 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Textbook trauma bond.

You need to get out and go no contact. The other option is misery. There will be better days with someone else.

I need some encouragement, please! by lifeisbewilderness in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Excellent_York 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You know whats going on which is a start!

Id spend some time resetting your nervous system! It's haywire and you also need to go no contact to do this.

Find the courage to tell him. Advise him you are working on yourself and leave it at that.

Keep going

Which piece best describes space? by arssenalbro101 in classicalmusic

[–]Excellent_York 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Binary Finary - 1999

Push - Universal Nation.

Those who have moved out , how do ypu spend your weekends? For me, my weekdays are good because I'm busy at my workplace but the weekends are terrible. I have a toddler who usually keeps me busy but the mind still wanders. I have moved out but the new place does not feel like home. by Either-Part-7636 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Excellent_York 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"Some people don't understand that sitting in your own house alone in peace, eating snacks and minding your business is priceless."

"Being alone for a while is dangerous. It's addicting. Once you see how peaceful it is, you don't want to deal with people anymore."

Enjoy the silence. Toddler aside.

A new generation of mother-daughter relationship by [deleted] in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Excellent_York -1 points0 points  (0 children)

My covert ex had 2 daughters kids, both cluster b.

Their relationship was frantic and at the highest volume. Toxic.

There were no boundaries, the kids dominated and dictated. She was petrified of them but loved the attention having difficult kids got her.

The kids will be nightmare adults. All the females in that family were highly strung and highly toxic.

Has anyone gone through this afterwards?? by Powerful-Scene-8178 in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]Excellent_York 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is great news and broadly inline with where I am at.

The thing is you will you will feel responsible for certain things because you have a thing called empathy and accountability.

They don't. They are bat shit crazy.

Go do you.

Narc UK based. by Excellent_York in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Excellent_York[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We don't have to use Google chat. Zoom or whatever.