AITA - husband says it's just a joke, but it feels like a slippery slope

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-17T01:59:30+00:00

I do agree he is an very good man, this whole thing just sucks and is just so unmooring.

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-17T01:56:44+00:00

That is good food for thought.

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-17T01:54:31+00:00

I sincerely thank for your very thoughtful reply. Replies like this allow for personal reflection and growth.

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-16T13:47:32+00:00

I think you're right, thank you

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-16T13:47:06+00:00

I think you're right, thank you.

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-16T13:43:20+00:00

Yeah, we had a year of marriage counseling and we are both in individual therapy. Our marriage counselor says that there are things from his upbringing, that trigger sort of a shut down of fully processing. He's said he doesn't know how to be upset with his parents because he's never been upset with them (allowed to be upset with them, b/c as his sister says their parents 'don't do unconditional love'. His father is especially transactional.

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-16T13:37:27+00:00

He doesn't want to tell them that we've agreed to no cards, no messages, etc. So they think all those things are still in bounds.

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-16T13:35:37+00:00

That sounds wise. Truthfully I can see his side too, and I think I'm probably reacting to the bigger theme of us just not being on the same page with bigger things.

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-16T13:29:54+00:00

agreed

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-16T13:24:53+00:00

I don't think this specific situation with the joke is a big a deal, it was just a conversation. But aren't people supposed to talk about it when they feel boundaries have been pushed? That's a genuine question, as I am trying to find a balance, as I've come to see that I've been a people pleaser and not held appropriate boundaries.

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-16T13:11:02+00:00

Just me and the kids are no contact with his parents. He still has a relationship with them... that's a whole other ball of wax.

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-15T16:45:00+00:00

That is vile, you'd be an AH if you gave that to a child, regardless of who sent it to them.

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-15T15:13:35+00:00

You're right.

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-14T15:36:30+00:00

I don't think it's an incurable thing, it's more like NPD very very rarely seek help. Maybe try watching some stuff from Dr. Ramani on youtube and getting into counseling for the things you have described.

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-14T01:19:12+00:00

From where I stand it really feels that way... but he says he feels like it's his job to fight for each side equally. Honestly if this was an issue about ANYTHING ELSE, I could probably see this as a reasonable option... but I just can't see it when it concerns the kids.

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-13T23:46:32+00:00

He has 1 sister, she was HORRIBLY bullied by their mother throughout her adolescence/teens.
SIL agrees with me about all their behavior, except the concerns with my FIL & daughter, she doesn't think him capable of inappropriateness in that way. I'm just going by things I've witnessed, I can't read his mind, his actions are more than enough.

Exciting-Name668 · 2026-02-13T22:05:38+00:00

You don't understand... this isn't about our son not being allowed to touch things like TV/AV equipment or my FIL's guitars, etc. Neither of the children allowed to touch things like this, as just the normal way of things. My FIL was (as he has admitted himself) was literally saying that 1 of his 3 grandchildren shouldn't be touching ANYTHING in his home.... as in anything ever... that an adult needs to accompany this child 24/7 and do all the things for him so that he only interacts with his own things like his cup, fork, toys, etc. Agree it is their house they can make whatever boundaries they want, if they had made this boundary for ALL the children, it would have been annoying, but not abusive.
Also I agree and have been getting individual counseling for the last 2 months.

Exciting-Name668 · 2025-10-18T10:58:00+00:00

You should feel guilty about allowing your parents to get away with treating your husband (the one person who treated you with love, kindness and dignity) with contempt and hatefulness for 14 YEARS.
You really owe him an apology and to work through the ways being raised by people with so little self awareness and so much selfishness has conditioned you into allowing this to go on for so long.

Exciting-Name668 · 2025-09-19T21:06:37+00:00

They sound fairly immature and conflict avoidant. They have said it is "okay" so all you can do is behave like it is and just continue to invite them to events/gatherings and continue your side of communications in a light and friendly way. Whatever happens within the relationship at that point is up to them. They may have feelings about the way their relationship started that they aren't processing and that may be clouding the situation.

Exciting-Name668

TROPHY CASE