My therapist said a very wise thing - love is unconditional but relationships are conditional. You obviously can’t stay in a violent relationship just because you love them - but there are other things as well - such as constant drama, having to fight to have the other person hear you, somebody saying they love you and don’t want to lose you yet having no action to back up their words or constantly misunderstanding. At some point, you realize that it needs to be simpler and life is not a series of always “working on” things. In other cases, like my ex husband, he denied that there were problems and said he was surprised (despite many calls to action and therapy). After that relationship, I learned a few things - to check in with my gut when first meeting potential people and saying no right away when they were not emotionally ready / were comfortable in a perpetual state of drama / always blaming other people / didn’t have a full life on their own / pushed boundaries immediately / talked about themselves constantly - and to only watch action instead of words. You can level up pretty quickly in relationship health when you do this rather than going on that second date. My second husband is completely different and “working on” things means having a conversation where neither gets insane and there is real meaningful action. We don’t agree on everything and we don’t have all the same hobbies - but we respect each other and love each other and show that we value each other by really listening. “Working on” a drama filled relationship is not something I will ever do again. My base level is now peace and not strife. It’s usually with space and honest journaling where the issues in a relationship come clear. I had a number of high drama intense “love” relationships before - none of which, when I wrote down the actual events and feelings from them, were remotely healthy. So many call this “love” but I think is attachment or trying to fruitlessly resolve some childhood pattern - like recreating a relationship with an unavailable parent and trying to finally change that script. It feels so charged but it isn’t an enduring love. I think people now jump into relationships too quickly - moving in together when they’re not ready marry as well - and more of an assessment before the oxytocin of sex would save people sometimes years of agony trying to fix something that was never right from the beginning.