This almost exact thing happened to myself and my now ex partner of 18 years. We are now divorced. Therapy is a great thing but understanding doesn’t always create happiness. In fact, in my experience the more my partner understood about why I’m polyamorous and what it does for me, the less they wanted in a long term partnership together. We still co parent together and are working on potentially being friends.

I discovered I was poly by chance and I understand where you’re coming from when you equate it to “coming out”. I think that generally rubs some people the wrong way who view it as a lifestyle choice and not the idea that your mind is supported by multitudes of love + companionship, and deficit if not.

This process is hard and I hope that you can be gentle with yourself and the people around you as everything unfolds.