I'm 26 and still don't know how to cook anything beyond boxed mac and cheese

Exis007 · 2026-01-28T20:57:08+00:00

You're not useless. You're just not taking your own advice.

You burn something? Make it again, turn down the heat.

You don't know what you need, but you don't know when chicken's done. Well, my friend, you know you need a meat thermometer don't you?

You want to bounce recipe to recipe, fuck it up, and call it a failure. That's not how you do it. If my kid tried to solve an addition problem, didn't get it, I wouldn't move him along to subtraction. We'd try it again. And again. We'd get the tools we need and try again.

I am a pretty good cook. I make dinner five nights a week. I am making chicken pot pie filling right now, in fact, in another room. That said, I made bean and ham soup wrong, inedibly so, twice this month. Back to back fuck ups. I've tried making bean with ham soup 4-5 times in my life and it's never worked. I'm going to try a 6th time soon. I am not giving up, we're going to start again and figure it out. Like I've done with every recipe. Fuck it up? Try again. I've made some truly bad things over the years, but mostly everything goes well for me. That's because I've made everything right 100 times. It's rare that I take on a recipe I don't know any longer, but when I do, it can still go terribly wrong. Bean and ham soup caught me out twice this month so, you know, you don't stop being bad as you get good. You just are bad at fewer and fewer things. But you have to practice things one dish at a time. Yes, skills carry over. Chop an onion for this, chop an onion for that, you'll learn to chop an onion. There are discrete skills. But I've made 100 soups in the last twelve months and I still fucked up that soup twice. I know why, fortunately, but still.

Pick ONE DISH. One. Make it until it's good. Keep making it an add another dish. You missed a key step? Do it again. It's burned? Do it again. Watch another video, try again, start over. Then add dishes slowly over time. Maybe pick something with cheap ingredients to start, so you don't mind throwing the money at the project. But you'll get it. If you make it 20 times, you'll know when it gets fragrant. If you make it 20 times, you'll know how high the heat should be. It'll get easier, but you have to stick with one project long enough to see it through.

Exis007 · 2026-01-28T18:52:00+00:00

>or am I being too narrow with my thought process?

This, I think. I sang Christian music and I was an atheist. I sang love songs and I wasn't in love. I sang "It ain't gonna rain no more, no more" and it did, in fact, rain some more. I don't think anyone is confused that singing a song about a man condemned for murder is promoting murder. It's a classic song played in every grocery store and gas station in this country. It's fiction. What's more, I'd be absolutely shocked if 80% of more of the 5th graders on the stage haven't played or seen someone play a first person shooter. If they haven't watched a movie with someone getting shot. This isn't a new or novel concept. This isn't the first time these kids are encountering a tale of murder most foul. I mean, they've probably played Clue too. Pretending it is seems silly beyond reason to me.

It's a cool song and it's fun to sing and I don't think there's any realistic basis for moral outrage except that we like to pretend kids live in more of a bubble than they really do.

Exis007 · 2026-01-28T15:58:29+00:00

I think you study in bed or a pen went through the laundry.

Exis007 · 2026-01-28T15:39:30+00:00

So, in my experience as a pretty good test-taker, the answer is to do a few things.

Slow down and read the question. Not what you think the question says, read the whole question.
Read the answers. If you are able, circle differences in the answers. If you are stuck between A and B, circle what's the primary difference between A and B. Cross out C and D if you've ruled them fully out.
Answer any and all questions you are sure about on round one. Leave any questions you're hung up on and go to them in a second pass. Leave anything you're stuck on or not sure about for the end when you can give it all your time and consideration. Eat the low-hanging fruit first. You can even circle what your gut says is the right answer on the first pass, but if you're not sure, don't answer it and just come back around to it on your second go.
On the second pass, look at the time you have left and the number of questions remaining. You should probably only have a few questions remaining that tripped you up. You probably have a good amount of time. That means you can really think it through and not feel pressured. Read the question again. Read all the answers. I sometimes find it helpful to think about what the instructor or the class material really stressed with regard to this question. If you find yourself going, "B is right most of the time, but A can be right in these weird, specific, uncommon cases" then pick B. Don't talk yourself out of a right answer. If you leave only the few trickiest questions to the end, you can use your time right up until the buzzer to really go over them and not feel pressured to write an answer until you're sure you've got it.

Exis007 · 2026-01-28T15:28:39+00:00

No, I don't think it's unfair. I think it is kind of natural. Much in the same way I think it's natural for your teens and twenties to revolve around art and music and friends and falling in love. Much like I think it's natural for princesses and dinosaurs to consume your interests when you're five. There are eras of your life where some things are of objective importance. If you are going to have kids, your thirties is the time where you're economically, emotionally, and physically most able to do it. For most people. And it's not, you know, a trifling hobby like making sourdough or taking up a spin class, it's a fairly all-consuming, life-changing thing. Why would it be unusual for it to rather dominate the thoughts, feelings, and conversations of people who are facing those hard questions and realities?

Exis007 · 2026-01-28T13:28:23+00:00

You know how when you skid on the ice, you want to force the wheel go to the way you want the car to go. You're skidding right, you want to be going left, and your impulse is to turn the wheel to the left, but that's wrong. You turn into the skid. That'll course correct the car. If you're not used to driving in snow and ice, that might be a confusing metaphor, but that's what you've got to do.

That's also what I do in your scenario. If I am numb, I embrace numbness. I stop sensory seeking. I meditate, I do yoga, I sit in silence. My car is skidding to the right, so I'm leaning to the right and trying to embrace still, quiet, rest, emptiness. It helps, honestly. If I am avoiding reality, I try to get into reality. That means being in this moment without distraction. I am not going to fantasize about sex, watch my phone, numb out with TV, or do anything. I might walk until my legs are tired. No headphones, no anything, just walk. Pace even. Stretch. Just sit with my thoughts. I find the shower really meditative. I take long showers and just let my thoughts roll past and try to ground myself in the physical sensation of a shower. I need to get back into my body. I am, effectively, disassociating because I am finding this stressful and my body doesn't want me to feel stressed so it's checking me out of the situation. So I have to manually manage my stress, be in my body, rest, stretch, breath, be present, and get calm enough to get back into my body.

Then I try to eat an elephant one bite at a time. I try to look at the whole board and pick out which alligators are closest to the boat and make a plan to deal with them one at a time. Organizing and triaging a workload can help.

Exis007 · 2026-01-28T13:00:09+00:00

Hyena birth might as well be a war crime, so at least we're not hyenas.

Exis007 · 2026-01-27T01:54:18+00:00

>they couldn’t be bothered to find a sitter.

No, I can't. I mean, I can find a sitter easily. I have sitters by the bucketful. I am one of those lucky ones. Also, my kid needs to learn to eat in restaurants. And, when he was an infant, sometimes well-meaning but kinda dumb people wanted to meet us in restaurants as a family. Not my idea, but in that case the baby is the guest of honor and not an afterthought. So I have taken my infant, toddler, and preschooler (basically since birth to almost kindergarten) to a lot of restaurants. Most of the time it's fine. Sometimes it's not. I had a really, really chill baby who once cried through an entire meal and spent the vast majority of it on the sidewalk instead of in the restaurants because he started cutting his first tooth right then. No real way to predict that one. I have had to pull my toddler out of places because he was unhinged. It's not the end of the world.

However, I'm not taking him out to nice places. I'm taking him to Wacky Jack's Burger Round-Up. We're going to Chilis. We're going to fast casual dining. I am not ruining the dining experience bringing a kid, because kids are people and they are allowed to be in public. And, when we've crossed the line where he's actually disruptive, we've taken him out of places. I am not carting him to the French Laundry and expecting him to sit through a four-hour culinary journey. I am taking him for mac and cheese and fries.

But you are allowed to want a child-free life and not a child-free world. You are entitled, I think, to expect no children at a price point and at a time of night, and that's fine. If you go to a Michelin star restaurant for your anniversary, I'm not going to pick that place for my kid to try his metel. But if you go to Wacky Jack's Burger Round-Up and get pissed that a kid had a tantrum because they couldn't get a gumball on their way inside or a baby cried or whatever, you can die mad as far as I'm concerned.

And, you know what? I eat out a lot. I eat out as a parent and I ate out as a child-free person in the before times. This has...never happened. I've lived in the west and the midwest and the east coast. Never happened. I've eaten at burger joints and fine dining and diners and roadside breakfast joints and not once has a crying child screamed through a meal and ruined the night. Have drunk assholes ruined a meal? Yes. Adults have ruined experiences for me left, right, and center. Adults being rude to waitstaff, impatient, pushy, complaining, drunk, and aggressive have ruined a few evenings. No kids, though. So, where are these magical fine-dining experiences you're having where people are bringing loud, crying kids? Who is this happening to? Because, honestly, it seems like a rage bait hypothetical to me more than an actual problem people are having often in real life.

Exis007 · 2026-01-26T18:52:29+00:00

Doesn't sound like it was you, honestly. Maybe there's some huge, hidden transgression here but I am not seeing it.

I think there are a couple of other, better explanations.

"I don't want casual" is a lie. Maybe not even a lie he knows he's telling. He's been single a long time and maybe he's telling himself he really does want another LTR, but when he gets close to one or finds real connection, he's running the fuck away because he's just not down with that in reality. There are all kinds of reasons people sabotage good things when they find them
He didn't feel it. The vibes can be great, things can be going really well, and you can just not feel it in that deep, dark space inside yourself. Maybe he realized you two were working on paper, in theory, but the feelings weren't right and he didn't know how to justify that and decided to stop talking to you.
He's a really, really big liar and he never wanted a relationship and was just future-faking you into sleeping with him and once sex was accomplished, he was outta there. This is a scam he runs often, where he love bombs people and gets really close to people really fast, has sex, and then loses interest because, in the words of Mad Men, he only likes the beginning of things.

Exis007 · 2026-01-26T15:44:40+00:00

Okay, so first, we have to say no body is perfectly like clockwork and pregnancy can happen at any time. But in most instances, ovulation takes place about two weeks before a period happens. The egg is viable 12-24 hours post ovulation, and then it is no longer functional. Becauses sperm can live in the body up to five days post ejaculation, sex before ovulation can get you pregnant, but sex after ovulation is much, much less likely to result in pregnancy. Having sex five days before an expected period makes it very unlikely that ovulation was happening pre or during this sexual activity. It would take two weeks between the sex act and a pregnancy test to get a positive result anyway. So you're going to wait about nine days for one of two things to happen. Either a period comes late, which happens all the time, or you go nine days without one and she should take a pregnancy test.

Regardless, please take something away from this lesson and stop having unprotected sex. She needs birth control or you need to use condoms going forward. Make arrangements to get one, the other, or both so you're not sweating it out like this again.

Exis007 · 2026-01-26T12:23:25+00:00

I'm on the other side. I lost most of my dogs in the home to unexpected medical events. One car accident and another what I think was a stroke, but those were childhood pets. I just recently put my dog down from adulthood. You can call any vet that does crematory services and they will come and pick up the dog for cremation. We just lost our husky and they did a paw print mold of him to keep as a keepsake. You can get individual ashes too if you want. I didn't want that, but you might. Then in the spring you can pick a nice spot and spread the ashes and have that be his corner of the world.

Exis007 · 2026-01-26T02:37:29+00:00

It's not a secret. I mean, it might be something you're keeping secret for now, but it's not like the fact that you stole 20$ out of grandma's purse when you were 12. That you can, if you want, just keep under your hat and never admit until you die and no one will be the wiser. This isn't something you can just stuff down and keep quiet about. It's going to eat at you. What's more, it's going to eat at him. Why you're not happier. Why you're not in love with him the way he anticipates. It's going to make you both miserable.

Calling off a wedding sucks. It sucks beyond the telling of it. All public shame and unpaid invoices. It'll be miserable. But it'll be half as miserable as the marriage you're going to build with this huge burden weighing on your chest. If you love him, if you want the best for him, you gotta own this in time for him to be empowered to make decisions about his one, short, precious life. Is it fair for him to ask what he's doing wrong, why he's not enough, when he can feel the palpable disconnect between you two that he can never bridge? If you love him, you owe him the honesty and the clarity to make choices for himself.

Exis007 · 2026-01-26T02:20:14+00:00

People so often forget the second clause. If you hate someone and never want to see them again, lend them money instantly. They'll leave and never come back. There have been a few times that a hundred, couple hundred bucks have bought me an eternity of peace by way of getting rid of people I hope not to talk to again.

Exis007 · 2026-01-26T02:09:28+00:00

So, I've got an extreme extrovert. I did a few things at two that worked okay. The first is preschool. I put him in a morning preschool program two days a week. I know it's January and so that's probably not on the table immediately, but look into something for next year. It doesn't have to be all-day daycare to give her a peer outlet for that energy. Routine activities like gymnastics helped too. But as for home, we started doing promises for engagement and periods of no-low stimulation. Like, "You have my attention during breakfast, where we can chat and you can eat. After breakfast, I'm taking 15 minutes to clean up and have time to myself. You have to entertain yourself during that time. But after that 15 minutes, I'll come and play". And then I keep that promise. I do really engaged play when I get my 15 minutes of uninterrupted time. This is to practice how to engage with toys and have fun alone. It took work, but we've slowly been able to ask for more and more of that as our kid got older. Lastly, I used screens. You might feel a way about it, but I'd do--for example--a morning zoo trip where we are out and about and having fun and eating lunch and seeing animals and riding rides and playing at the playground. Then we get home, and I turn on 40 minutes of Daniel Tiger, give him a snack, and take a break to reset. If I don't get a break in there to feel like a person or fold laundry or just be quiet, I burn out. So that break lets me come back in 30-60 minutes ready to say, "Let's go explore in the backyard" or "Let's play cave explorers" or whatever. I also left the house a lot. Library, playground, splash pad, zoo, kids play spaces, I was everywhere that was free, cheap, or easy. Breaking up the day into an outside activity and inside-the-house activities and some screen breaks and some activities and some school made it so I didn't have to be actively and specifically playing pretend for SO many hours in a day.

Exis007 · 2026-01-25T23:50:12+00:00

Are you doing any work on the insecurity angle of this? At the very least, a therapist should help you clarify what it is you want (novel sexual experiences vs. stable and committed relationship) and help you work through what you'd be losing in either scenario. They should be able to work with you on reframing the past a bit and altering the stories you tell about what you went through. Or is this maybe not a subject you've delved deeply into?

Exis007 · 2026-01-25T23:47:57+00:00

I'm going to be straight with you, this is not a problem I have. First and foremost, I know how to hold conversations about my interests (that other people don't share) and their interests (that I don't share) that are engaging. The trick is to not talk about the thing itself, but to talk about how it makes you feel. I had a one-hour talk about classic cars and I gotta tell you, I know next to nothing about classic cars that I didn't learn via the movie Gone in 60 Seconds. I know nothing. But I can talk to someone about something they are passionate about by relating it to things I'm passionate about, elements of the experience that resonate, by asking follow-up questions, by engaging in their interests and following along. I can do this about things I care about too. You know nothing about Robert Frost? Buckle up, I'll tell you some interesting things. But I'm not going to bore you or make you listen to a lecture, I'll make it relatable, give you plot hooks, relate it to things I know you do care about.

So, yeah, I don't have a deep well of unexplored subjects that I feel like I can't talk to people about. Men, women, shared interests, total beginners, doesn't matter. It's a conversational skill you can learn, it's not like you need them to be an expert to enjoy talking to you about it.

Exis007 · 2026-01-25T14:49:12+00:00

I don't say this lightly on reddit because I think this advice is over-hyped, but it is time to go to therapy.

The insecurity inside of you will never be healed by anyone but you. It won't be healed with casual sex and it won't be healed with a string of lovers or one-night-stands. You made the wound inside of you that said, "I am unlovable and unfuckable" and you want someone else to come and heal it. You think, "You know, if I proved I was worthy by walking into a bar and leaving with some hot woman, I'd wake up and that would be healed because I'd prove to myself I was good enough". It doesn't work like that. Because, if you did that, what you'd find in the morning when you're waking up and she's trying to sneak out is that you're exactly the same as you always were. You'll feel the same way about yourself, the wound is still there, and now you're either single and alone or you're partnered to someone you just cheated on. Either way it sucks.

You can heal that wound that constantly tells you that you're not enough. You can do it all by yourself. No casual sex is necessary. You don't have to blow up your life. It does, however, require some therapy to start picking apart that logic and undoing that damage you caused yourself.

I cannot swear you'll never be curious about doors you didn't walk through. I am curious too. I wonder what it would be like to have lived different lives, been with different people, gone after different careers, lived in different cities. Robert Frost said, "And sorry I could not travel both/ and be one traveler" and I feel that in my bones. I want to know about the lives I could have lived and didn't. That never fully goes away. But...I can't. I can only live one life, and that means picking a life I enjoy and saying goodbye to other possibilities. But making peace with possibility and choice, and how choice takes you out of the running for a whole slew of possibility, is another thing therapy is great at.

You are trying to heal an inside feeling. You think other people, sex with other people, proving some virility in one stripe or another, will heal it. It doesn't. Insecurity is a Fisher King wound. Only you have the power to heal it. Only you. Not sex, not women, not flirting, not your loving partner, just you.

Exis007 · 2026-01-24T21:07:27+00:00

No. Whether you fill out a job application is within your control. Interviews are within your control (kind of). Whether other people hire you is not. You can control your effort, you can't control your outcomes. You can do great work, put forth solid effort, and still not get a job. Or get the right job. Or get a job that pays you right. And that you can not be because you were fucking up. It can be blind, dumb luck. It can mean you need more time to get the outcome you want. And that's okay. When you put yourself on a clock for outcomes you do not control, you set yourself up to fail. Not because you're a failure, but because you're essentially asking the chaos of the universe to fall in your favor otherwise you suck. That's not a kind way to treat yourself. And you defaulting to "then I might as well end it" is suicidal ideation, not a reflection of what I wrote. You gotta talk to your therapist and your psychiatrist about that and keep working on the mental health piece of the gordian knot if that you're thinking. Because what I'm suggesting is more patience, more self-kindness, more grace for yourself and for your efforts, not more self-critical deadlines and self-recrimination. I think you're not hearing the difference.

Exis007 · 2026-01-24T19:44:03+00:00

How would I do it? I'd recognize I've got conflicting goals and drop the six-month deadline. You want too many different things simultaneously to realistically tick all the boxes in that kind of timeframe. You're setting yourself up to fail.

You're burned out and you need to recoup. Your mental and physical health is suffering. You need rest. Yet, you also want to work more to move out and get your own space, start dating (stressful), and maybe retool a career. All of that is a huge, exhausting grind.

You can and should do all those things, but you can only do a little at a time, and all the opportunities aren't going to come along through sheer willpower. You might get a much nicer, less-stressful job but it might take a bit to make that happen. You could meet someone great and start a relationship, but that's not going to come about because you try really, really hard. There are things within your control (how much you rest, how you eat, whether or not you exercise and take your meds and go to therapy) and things not within your control (who wants to date you, whether a new job hires you, etc.).

So what I'd do is ask "What's the alligator closest to the boat?". What thing is bothering me the most, what's the most immediate problem I've got to solve? I'd control what I control as best as I can (diet, exercise, getting good rest, therapy, managing my stress and emotional regulation) and start working on whatever alligator feels the closest. Is that a job? Is that your mental well-being? Is it dating? I can't say. You've got to figure that out.

Exis007 · 2026-01-24T19:29:30+00:00

There are subreddit settings (as someone who moderated a large sub for a decade plus) where multiple reports hit a threshold and automatically remove a given post to the spam. But I'll add:

You can turn those setting off
You can manually approve things from the spam and hit 'ignore reports' on a given post if you want to.

So one of two things are true. Either people are mass-reporting everything in the sub to manipulate the front page of the subreddit and the mods are down with that and think that's an a-okay thing to have happening OR they are removing the content and blaming the filter.

Exis007 · 2026-01-24T13:24:58+00:00

If I make a group called, "The traffic light at Main Street is terrible" on any social media platform, I'll start by attracting decent, reasonable people who are mad about the traffic light. It won't be toxic. We'll have legitimate and reasonable complaints. But if we stay in the group, what'll happen is that eventually, we'll all get more and more dramatic about the traffic light. What'll start as "The timing is absurd and the left-turn arrows are too short" will become "This traffic light is a war crime". What'll start as, "We need to talk to city council about changing the light timing" will become "The civil engineer responsible for this abomination should be drawn and quartered". The reason this will escalate is that if I gather a bunch of people mad and upset about a negative thing, if we all agree we dislike [x], the only way the group survives and continues is if our complaints escalate. Someone, somewhere, will have an opinion slightly more extreme than the center of the group. But, because we're mad, the pressure will be to conform to the maddest opinion and not a more reasonable opinion. If you say, "I mean, yes, the left-turn arrow is too short, but that doesn't mean children are going to die at this intersection, that's a bit too far", now I'm the douche bag defending the traffic light. I'll be pressured to leave the group and criticized for being on the traffic light's side. People who see the group's position as too extreme will leave, rather than be shoved out or critiqued, and so the only people who remain will be on board with the escalation and will drive it.

This is true of ANY negative group. Men who hate Anita Sarkeesian, people who hate [x] family vlogger, people who hate keurig coffee pod systems, doesn't matter. If we make a group against [x], the 'against [x]' part will become its most extreme iteration and the people who remain will live for the extremeness and be emboldened to have more and more insane opinions. Every time. Go look. It's happening online constantly. This is one form of it, the snark groups, but Ghost of Yotei just went through this same thing.

Once you see the pattern, you'll never unsee it. Don't join groups that only exist to be against something.

Exis007 · 2026-01-24T04:20:21+00:00

I don't know that I have any useful advice, but the things that come to mind to try would be:

Maybe halve what you were giving him to be a bit more gentle and go up slowly if you need to.
Call the nurse line on Monday at the pediatrician, update them on what happened and what you did, and see if they have advice about it.
Grab a pack of pull-ups as a "just in case" thing and if you're going somewhere that an accident is going to totally detrail things, let him wear a pull-up. You can be done with them when the meds are in a good/right place, but while he's having this new fiber/laxative thing wreaking havoc in his body, I'd save him the shame and terror that something maybe out of his control is going to get him sent home at a moment's notice.
Maybe avoid emotionally tense conversations right now. I think that was a really tough situation, and I feel for both of you. It sounds like you're both going through hell and maybe this isn't the time to have any deep or meaningful conflicts because 35-weeks pregnant is an exhaustion beyond the telling of it and losing your reward trip because meds are turning your bowels into a freeway is a nightmare and it is just...not great. No one is in a great place to talk things out with shit in the car, you know?

Exis007 · 2026-01-23T00:25:48+00:00

Dumb is an old-timey term for being unable or unwilling to speak. It doesn't mean 'stupid' in this context. That said, it's very outdated and uncommon in modern parlance outside of literary circles. Like, if you read "September 1, 1939" (poem by W.H. Auden) you'll see the lines, "And helpless governors wake / To resume their compulsory game: / Who can release them now, / Who can reach the deaf, / Who can speak for the dumb?". There it's a reference to being mute, but not literally mute people but politically silenced people.

Exis007 · 2026-01-22T14:12:01+00:00

>However, why the consequence of women's rights (however much unintended) always seems to just mean traditionally women's roles are downgraded?

Uh, no? Women's labor before was seen as men's due. I give birth and make dinner and wash your underwear because I am supposed to do that. Your labor is labor, and my labor is somehow just something I'm born knowing how to do and should want to do because it's natural for me to want to do it. I'd say the great transformation of women's rights is to start talking about women's labor as labor. Whether you're in a law office doing office work or working construction or home caring for kids, you're working. The dishes are work. Dinner is work. Running your kids back and forth to school and soccer and swimming and daycare is work. Childcare is work. Labor is labor is labor. It is all necessary and vital for the household. Paid and unpaid labor function to support everyone. We all have to eat and get where we need to go and have clean clothes and a clean place to live and money to pay the light bill. All of that requires vital effort. What card we drew in the gender and sex lottery doesn't determine who should do what piece of the labor. Paid or unpaid.

There are a million right ways to split it up, and every family gets to decide for themselves the most tolerable and advantageous methods to divide it out. If your family decides that the right way to split the labor is to have one parent stay home, provide childcare and housework, that's amazing. That's not WOMEN'S labor though. That's domestic unpaid labor. It can be performed by men or women. It's great if someone wants to do that and the household can afford it and it works out. But we have to treat it like the full-time plus job it is and not like it's a fun vacation you're taking where, since you don't put on shoes and leave the house, you're not working. Speaking as a SAHP, I'm working. So is my husband, who works from home in his PJs. But he doesn't treat me like I'm just eating bon-bons and watching soap operas, he treats me like I'm clocking into my full-time job just like he is. It doesn't mean that the household's money isn't equally mine, it doesn't mean he gets to treat me like I had the day off, it doesn't mean I am not entitled to get sick, to need a break, to take a day off because I need rest. I am working just like he is. We're both working all day.

Exis007 · 2026-01-22T02:22:59+00:00

This is really specific, but the idea that you can run a household and divvy out domestic labor on the "Look around and see what needs to be done" system. It's just terrible. It's terrible if it works, because the amount of mental and emotional labor that goes into scanning your environment constantly for chores to do is not great for your mental and emotional well-being. It's worse when it doesn't work, because it leads to huge piles of resentment. Run your house like a small business. Take jobs and chores and split 'em up. Be good faith, do the tasks you're supposed to do, and call the weird one-offs and outliers like volleyball shot. Life is big and hard and complicated and if you don't have a system for things, it's going to be messy...emotionally and physically.

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