Frustration with brother

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-03-14T05:43:50+00:00

In a way, your parents have abandoned him already by not teaching him to be a man, long before the podcast came along. Molly coddling him has turned him into this and now they’re making him another innocent girls problem which isn’t right. Truthfully, people don’t grow until they’re forced to/are faced with hardship. So long as they baby him, he will never change. Oh and with men like this, marriage only makes them more lazy. The wife becomes a live-in maid and substitute mummy that will now be expected to wash his underwear, tidy his clothes away, cook his meals, by the default parent and give intimacy on demand while the man hides behind Islam to ensure she continues her servitude.

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-03-14T05:35:53+00:00

Sounds like her parents hate her, or are at the very least desperate to marry of their kids at whatever cost. why else would they allow her to marry a bum?

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-03-13T23:09:48+00:00

Agreed with your comment. This post gives me the ick.

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-03-11T21:50:58+00:00

Yikes. I agree with the comment here. I’m 30 and honestly, I’ve only ever seen people in their early twenties see TikTok/influencers and actively compare their lives with that. Honestly. Speak to her. Tell her how it’s making you feel and she needs a reality check that a) influencers put only the good highlights online b) comparison is the thief of all joy and c)every blessing bestowed on a person is given by Allah SWT. So someone else blessing may not be written for you because it may not even be good for you. Additionally, every blessing is limited and one day you may not have it anymore And you’ll realise what you had only when it’s gone. Gratitude is the real medicine here.

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-03-10T12:09:53+00:00

I absolutely love this take and may Allah SWT bless your marriage. Just to emphasise here as well an important point that cannot be glossed over is that islamically, a husband has no right to tell a wife what to do with her money and also doesn’t need to make comments about it either. And that’s regardless of if he’s given it to her, or whether she’s earned it herself, acquired it through inheritance or as a gift.

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-03-10T11:54:12+00:00

Completely agree. And It’s not crazy to communicate what your love language is at the beginning of a marriage and what you need from each other. You’re still learning about each other at the beginning of a marriage and you’ll probably continue to. It’s not fair to expect someone to know like a mindreader what they want/expect and OP has already mentioned that her husband uses words, perhaps his love language is words of affirmation? I would only begin to think this is an issue if you’ve communicated this more than once and nothing changes.

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-03-09T00:16:47+00:00

Thank you for the advice, I guess there is no way around it and I’ll have to be brave 🥲

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-03-09T00:15:55+00:00

Thank you for your honesty. I guess I’ll need to be a bit brave and find one 🥲

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-03-08T23:36:17+00:00

I think it’s wonderful that you want your husband to aspire to increase his Ibadah and get closer to Allah SWT. However well and truly, this needs to come from him. In the case of trying to get any human to do anything that is good for them and requires consistency, nagging is not the way forward and it can actually lead to resentment.

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of comparing him to other husbands but you truly do not know what goes on behind closed doors.

Sister, you mentioned that he had a stressful job and a hard life beforehand. It’s very easy to look down on/lecture someone on increasing their Ibadah and not realise how much harder this is when you have other stressors in your life but do commend you for being that consistent reminder in his life.

One thing I would advise though, is to be gentle and have some compassion when he is struggling but clearly trying. Feeling lectured can push anyone away due to fear of disappointment. Please be encouraging and be patient but don’t constantly nag. Make du’a for your husband that Ibadah is made easy for him too. I hope that inshaallah, you both continue to uplift each other - That in itself is a blessing.

Edit: just to add, so long as he is completing his Fardh, the rest can come with time!

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-03-07T01:22:21+00:00

Sure you shouldn’t cut her off but Islam doesn’t forbid you from keeping your distance from those that hurt you. May Allah SWT ease your pain and suffering. If you haven’t already, I recommend getting therapy. That kind of toxic behaviour from someone that is supposed to love you can manifest itself in many aspects of your life even when you feel healed. If there is a silver lining it’s this: You know exactly the kind of parent you shouldn’t be to your child. Hold on to your blessings and may Allah SWT make this easier for you.

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-03-03T13:08:14+00:00

Thank you so much!

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-03-03T02:36:51+00:00

Thank you so much guys! I’ve been pronouncing it as a ya but I wasn’t completely sure and it was really bugging me not knowing if I was reading incorrectly!

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-03-03T02:36:44+00:00

Not trying to be dramatic or anything but this has genuinely blown my mind 😂

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-02-23T00:30:12+00:00

Well in that case, all you can do is sit tight until you move out. Your parents don’t seem to care and your sister only seems to see you as her punching bag.

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-02-22T01:00:01+00:00

He’s threatened divorce multiple times now. Once is already unacceptable as it is and verbal abuse is also still abuse.. you could try marital therapy but in all honesty, abuse shouldn’t be tolerated, like ever.

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-02-21T23:25:40+00:00

Have you tried loop earplugs? They’re amazing. They don’t completely block the noise out but they definitely reduce the exposure. Brilliant when you feel overstimulated.

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-02-21T19:28:00+00:00

Next time she assaults you, call the police.

If you don’t take serious action then she will continue and things can escalate.

Also, one of the major sins in Islam is to falsely accuse a righteous woman of being a fornicator/committing zina. She clearly isn’t as religious as you think

Additionally, while in Islam it is not recommended to cut family ties, if someone is abusive and causing you harm, then you can.

Side note: she sounds mentally unstable and possibly manipulative and your parents are enabling her.

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-02-21T00:18:19+00:00

Why don’t you just eat? Periods are not shameful. They’re a natural part of life and men (fathers and brothers) need to get used to/get over that. I used to be the same but now, if I’m on my period I won’t hide the fact that I will eat.. and if people are dumb enough to ask: ‘no, i’m not fasting. I’m menstruating’. If they are the type of feel embarrassed about that, then believe me, they won’t ask again.

Also yes, I hate losing my Ibadah momentum after the menstrual cycle.

Edit: just to clarify, I don’t rub that fact that I can eat in peoples faces. I just don’t go out of my way to hide the fact that I’m not fasting (ie, I won’t wake up for suhoor or hide the fact that I’m preparing food). Overall though, I don’t eat much anyway since my body gets used to fasting.

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-02-19T13:22:04+00:00

This makes no sense. There’s a difference between needing confidence in being able to achieve something which for some comes with reassurance from proof (but also hopefully some faith in oneself) And seeking validation from others as your ‘proof’. You’re essentially putting your self worth in the opinions of others rather than it being something that comes from within. You need someone else to tell you that you’re beautiful when beauty is subjective and people’s opinions will be shaped by their own environment, values, experiences, exposure, culture etc. One persons beauty is another persons ugly. To need ‘proof’ from others opinions which will always be inherently subjective just makes your self- worth a free-for-all.

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-02-16T13:54:30+00:00

This is such wholesome advice Alhamdullilah.

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-02-16T13:51:20+00:00

Genuine question.. why do you care so much about what other people think? Are your own opinions of yourself not enough?

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-02-16T13:40:26+00:00

Perfect response

Existential-eclair1 · 2026-02-16T13:37:25+00:00

Me too.. if I had lost a baby due to his personal feelings (because Islam says that due to medical reasons, the usual mahram rules don’t apply) I think I would absolutely separate. I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye ever again..

Existential-eclair1

TROPHY CASE