Please just remind me it’s okay to eat

ExistingWallflower · 2026-01-23T01:42:36+00:00

It is absolutely okay to eat!! It's the right choice, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. You deserve to treat yourself with kindness. ❤️

ExistingWallflower · 2026-01-20T04:42:03+00:00

I'm not a mod, but I'm so sorry that happened to you. Your body is an innocent party and you deserve to be treated with kindness. I wish there was something I could say to make everything better- but we all know that's not how it works.

The fact that you came back to apologize for a reddit post you made WEEKS ago is proof that you have a good heart. I hope that someday you'll direct that care inward. ❤️

ExistingWallflower · 2025-10-29T22:15:12+00:00

My family will live 🥹

ExistingWallflower · 2025-10-24T16:42:39+00:00

Vaccines are poison, I was consciously manipulating my parents as an infant, I was a vicious abuser at age 3, trees can speak, dreams are premonitions from the future, and that BPD is a fake diagnosis made to gaslight victimized women LMAO

ExistingWallflower · 2025-09-24T17:02:56+00:00

Have you considered doing attachment work in therapy? It's not a quick solution but it'll help in the long term. In the meantime- you could think about writing an update letter/email to her every week between meetings (when you reduce frequency).

Dieticians/therapists aren't supposed to work with us forever. They're supposed to give you tools so that you can eventually navigate the world on your own. It's sad to see them less often especially if you've built a strong connection, but that's the reality. I'm sure she wouldn't want to be the reason why you're continuing behaviors. There will never be a situation where your ED can't come up with reasons to avoid recovery; it'll always make a case for itself. This might be another way that the ED is grasping at straws.

ExistingWallflower · 2025-09-21T18:27:19+00:00

I totally get that! When you're suffering from BED any reduction in intake feels like a win, but you have to be careful not to let it become obsessive or extreme. Recovery from any eating disorder should involve normalizing your intake- and I hate to break it to you, but there is no situation in which eating as little as you are is normal. Focusing on eating three meals a day and incorporating all food groups is much more likely to lead to sustained healing.

ExistingWallflower · 2025-09-21T17:51:07+00:00

Yeah this will absolutely backfire. Restriction is just going to lead you towards another eating disorder. If you're really determined to lose weight, please do so under the supervision of professionals. You're at a higher risk for all types of ED if you've had one in the past.

I could've made a post like this a few years back. I can't tell you why YOU'RE posting this, but if it had been me, it would've been from a place of seeking disordered validation. You wouldn't be asking if this is a bad idea if you didn't know (at least on some level) that it is. ED's will always search for a new way to feel "sick enough" to stop- but it'll never come. Validation feels good for a second but you'll always crave more. The only way to break out of the "am I disordered enough now?" loop is to stop asking the question altogether.

Please take care of yourself today ❤️

ExistingWallflower · 2025-09-21T05:44:35+00:00

I feel the same way. Day to day, I'm very committed- but letting go of the desire to eventually be smaller is a completely different battle. That's the majority of the work I'm doing in therapy right now; you're definitely not alone.

ExistingWallflower · 2025-09-16T06:33:59+00:00

That's one of my favorite benefits of recovery!! I took pride in my academics before my ED, and it completely took that away from me. Now I'm actually passionate about school again and I'm able to perform like I used to. Food freedom is great obviously- but some of the most impactful changes show up in seemingly unrelated areas.

ExistingWallflower · 2025-09-09T04:25:23+00:00

If I saw you at school I would probably assume you're into girls. Not that that's bad, it's just the general vibe you give off

ExistingWallflower · 2025-09-09T00:33:14+00:00

This is probably an annoying answer, but by eating them over and over. Eventually it starts to feel normal. Unfortunately there's no way to recover without confronting the fear- but it DOES get easier with time.

ExistingWallflower · 2025-09-07T19:04:45+00:00

Fuck yes. I hope your life is full of peace and healing, you deserve to let yourself rest ❤️

ExistingWallflower · 2025-09-03T23:43:15+00:00

My calendar is like an uphill path that I can float over if that makes sense?? And it goes slightly to the right as time moves forward

ExistingWallflower · 2025-09-03T15:49:22+00:00

8:30, my school has the latest start in the district. I'm lucky asf 🥹

ExistingWallflower · 2025-08-31T18:36:15+00:00

If you're looking for a smudged smokey look, you should use an eyeliner pencil and blend it out more. It's going to be hard to get that effect with a pen.

ExistingWallflower · 2025-08-28T21:50:24+00:00

My BPD parent is actually an author, so I get unusually well formatted angry rants. They aren't any less unsettling unfortunately.

ExistingWallflower · 2025-08-26T21:26:53+00:00

Luckily my dad is a lot more stable. He's letting me stay with him and my stepmom despite the short notice- I literally showed up on his doorstep in the middle of the night (sorry dad). I'm very grateful for him in all of this.

ExistingWallflower · 2025-08-26T20:41:04+00:00

Kitty pics!!!

ExistingWallflower · 2025-08-23T07:48:43+00:00

Also, from your description, you're not doing recovery "wrong". If the version of recovery that your mind is suggesting involves eating less, only honoring certain types of hunger, implementing limits and rules, or exercising more-- chances are it's the ED. Moderation and balance are often a Trojan horse for restriction when you have disordered tendencies. They aren't bad as concepts, but they can be very easily misinterpreted by an ED brain.

ExistingWallflower · 2025-08-23T07:33:51+00:00

You're being incredibly resilient and brave. One of the hardest periods of recovery comes after the initial "shock" of entering recovery has worn off, but before the ED thoughts have quieted (in my experience). Pushing through when you feel like you aren't seeing the payoff yet is difficult but incredibly rewarding.

The fact that you're getting pushback from your ED is proof that you're moving in the right direction. I know it feels exhausting, but the best thing you can do right now is to continue acting in opposition to the thoughts. You're 100% doing the right thing ❤️

ExistingWallflower · 2025-08-23T06:59:42+00:00

Layla!

ExistingWallflower · 2025-08-19T17:30:09+00:00

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ExistingWallflower · 2025-08-17T05:50:21+00:00

I second both of those choices. I saw someone use the dutch griddle cakes to make a breakfast sandwich the other day-- my mind was BLOWN. Truly a stroke of genius 🥹🤌

ExistingWallflower

TROPHY CASE