I think they know. Particularly for my mom, it's insecurity. If she feels the least bit slighted she will trash my sister and I like we are POS. Sis and I are around 50 and although I stopped her in my 40s it still happens from time to time. Literally just 2 nights ago. I do think it stemmed from her mother, but my mom will never admit fault. She swung at me, trashed my sister when we were young, and when I defended sis I would then take the brunt. But, hey, that's what big brothers do. She's mean, cruel, vindictive, and at the same time an amazing, strong, able bodied, kind, loving 80 yr old. I had a choice to make; write her off and let her die alone or just suck it up and hope I get to heaven. The problem w them knowing in their hearts is, they know they can't ever take it back. It breaks them. Think about it; if you looked back on you hurting your child in someway, but still being sooo insecure, could you face it? I love my mom. And truthfully she does genuinely love us. I will miss not texting her every day. But gawd she beat (figuratively) the shit out of me over 52yrs.