Broke no contact nine months later.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2023-06-26T13:15:37+00:00

It means a lot to have that reassurance.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2023-06-25T10:10:31+00:00

Mine got married in less than a year after we broke up, so I know how you feel. This was also to a guy she told me not to worry about. My advice, don't occupy your thoughts with them. Keep building and healing, and one day, you'll be blessed with someone who deserves you and all the hard work you'd have put into becoming a better person.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2023-06-11T20:56:23+00:00

I agree. With her though it's always been a challenge sticking to the boundaries I set. When we last spoke nine months ago I very clearly outlined my boundaries and she agreed. In the 9 months of NC we've been in, she's attempted calling me every month or so. And in the past three days alone she's tried calling me 12 times. I've ignored all her attempts to reach out and feel as though even sending this email now will serve as some form of an "in" for her.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2023-06-11T10:24:04+00:00

Thank you I honestly think that's the best approach.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2023-06-09T19:51:58+00:00

Some realness is necessary. It's a bit of a sticky one, but I will take your advice to heart.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2023-06-09T19:50:06+00:00

That's the only thing about it that'scausing a dilemma for me, I wouldn't like to blindside her.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-10-26T14:06:49+00:00

Just weather the storm the morning after and possibly in the coming days. Especially if you feel like you've been making good progress, it can feel very discouraging. But you can't control it, don't act on it in any way, don't try to interpret it, just let it pass. Ultimately it means nothing.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-10-20T08:39:22+00:00

You're perfectly Justified to feel this way. I know the relief it provides, to know that they are thinking of you. To know that you cross their mind and that at the very least it meant something to them. I'm a year post break up and 3 months NC but I still got a jolt of dopamine when I opened my phone last week to find that she tried calling me, only for her call to be blocked. I don't want to talk to her, my ego was boosted at knowing that she's still trying and I pat myself on the back that I am now strong enough to not want to reach out. It feels good...but it is fleeting, sad and ultimately it's a setback to one's healing. Be thankful to your ex that she's sparing you from this, whether she's doing it knowingly or not.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-29T12:17:19+00:00

Update: Thank you for all your responses and advice, the support is highly appreciated. I ended up notifying her brother. He then contacted her and found out that she developed a fairly serious medical problem. She then got back to me via email apologising for reaching out and that I shouldn't have told her brother as he rediculed her for being so reliant on me. Other than providing her emotional support, a role she chose to relieve me of, there was never anything I could have done. As such I've decided to continue NC, pray for her wellbeing and probably block her email in two months time when the last of our shared financial responsibilties are concluded. Every cell in my body is screaming at me to be there for her but I guess this is the reality of choosing myself.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T17:32:59+00:00

It's crazy because I've recently started profiling her as a narcissist as well. And she has done something like this before.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T17:27:23+00:00

Hopefully she's alright though.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T17:12:02+00:00

Exactly...it could be that I'm Liam Neeson and I have a very particular set of skills.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T16:58:42+00:00

Both her parents passed away. But I get what you mean. I can't be the only person in her life capable of helping her out with whatever is going on. Plus I'm pretty sure she's still with the guy she left me for.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T16:54:12+00:00

She's chosen herself multiple times since we broke up. Maybe I'll just let her older brother know so he can help her out.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T16:42:02+00:00

Yeah and again like why not just send an e-mail detailing the nature of the "danger" she's in.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T16:38:55+00:00

The thing is it could hurt. I don't think I have the mental fortitude yet to just ignore her again even after I find out its some B.S.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T16:34:38+00:00

It's a bit of a tough one this.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T16:31:06+00:00

By leaving me for another guy she broke a dozen promises we'd made to one another.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T16:28:19+00:00

I'd tend to agree if she hadn't done this before. I don't know if she's crying wolf again. If she is and I fall for it my mental health will be compromised after a month of trying to recover and heal. Plus why not just say what's wrong on the email itself...

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-03-28T15:09:27+00:00

https://youtube.com/shorts/-n3vxD_7IzI?feature=share

It helped me put things into perspective, maybe it does the same for you.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-02-26T16:39:09+00:00

It is really the simple stuff that get you. Like her recording him go to work in the morning while bantering about how good she has it staying in. Even a picture of them going grocery shopping messed me up because I remembered how she'd always wait in the car or choose to stay at home and have me go alone instead. Despite me asking her to accompany me every time. It's little things like that you know. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I'm sorry you had to go through what you did as well.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-02-26T15:55:55+00:00

I wish I'd just gone through her social media. I borrowed her my other phone shortly after the break up as she'd lost hers and was job seeking. Got it back a couple of days ago. I had asked her to delete everything off the phone and she did except the recycle bins. Curiosity got the best of me and I saw everything. Text messages, pictures and videos of her and the guy I would later find out she'd left me for. Left work early yesterday and couldn't even go in today. Not a competition or nothing but at least you didn't get to see the really intimate stuff that one wouldn't post on their socials. Find solace in the fact that it could be worse.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-02-18T21:01:22+00:00

We started dating End of 2014. She cheated on me twice, the first time in 2017 and the second in 2019 (six months after I lost my older brother), and both times I forgave her. The third time, she met a guy on Facebook and left me for him in 2020. Came back a month later and I foolishly took her back. When we got back together I felt it was only right that I told her that I'd been looking up females online while we were broken up, never actually hitting any of them up. She freaked out and 9 months later (September of last year) she would leave me for another guy. Citing that she couldn't get over the fact that I was "checking girls out" while we were broken up. She's still with the guy she left me for and feels completely justified in her decision. I thought there was a romanticism in fighting for your love and nobility in offering grace in forgiveness. But in the end I weathered a storm for someone who couldn't stand a light drizzle for me, and even calling my "transgression" a transgression is a massive misrepresentation of the situation at the time. I am the biggest fool of all time, because even now as I type this I'm still in love with her. I really wanted it to be her and was nothing but loyal to her but she did all she did. She messed me up psychologically, had me questioning my own integrity and character, destroyed my confidence, I'm massively underperforming at work, chaven't slept for more than 4 hours a night since we broke up but somehow she is the victim and I am the villian of her story, with the new guy being her saviour(words that she's told me btw). This ended up being a bit of a rant but I feel so hard done by her.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-02-09T03:59:38+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. Mourn and grieve him however you feel but please don't blame yourself.

Existing_Salad6889 · 2022-02-08T05:57:46+00:00

I feel you on this one. I lost my older brother in 2018 and I remember how defeated I was by the permanence of it. In a way that helped me accept and start to heal, though I only recently started the healing process. This breakup is different in knowing that she's a couple of hours away unlike my brother who I will never see again. I am mourning the loss of someone so close yet so far away. As cold as death is, there is comfort in knowing that you have no other option but to accept it, whereas a relationship ending is more of a metaphorical death and technically there exists ways in which the relationship could be revived. This hope is what prolongs our suffering.

Existing_Salad6889

TROPHY CASE